Joke Of The Day : A Push

A man is in bed with his wife when he hears someone knocked on the front door. He rolls over, looks at the clock and sees that it's three o'clock in the morning. "What idiot would be knocking at the door at this hour?" thinks the man, and he rolls over and tries to go back to sleep. After a few minutes, there's a louder knock on the door. "Aren't you going to see who it is?" asks his wife, so the man drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door to find a stranger standing outside.

"Eh mate," says the stranger, "Can you give us a push?"
"No! Get lost! It's three in the morning. I was sleeping," says the man and shuts the door.

He goes back to bed and tells his wife what happened. She says, "Remember that night when we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick up the kids from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's door to get him to help us? What would have happened if he'd told us to 'get lost'?"

So the man gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and, not being able to see the stranger anywhere, he shouts, "Hey. Do you still want a push?"
A voice cries out, "Yes please, mate." So, still being unable to see the stranger the man shouts, "Where are you?"

"I'm over here on the swings."

Joke Of The Day : Genie

Three best friends were stranded on a desert island, with no food and drinking water. Suddenly a bottle floated into the shore and a genie popped out. Genie said "I have three wishes to grant. Each of you can make one."

Wingz got excited. He said : "I wish I was in the world largest casino, with dice in one hand and a beautiful sexy girl on the other." His wish granted. Wingz enjoy himself to the fullest, winning and the sexy girl keep humping smooching him.

Karen smiled and said, "I wish I was back home right now with my wonderful husband and lovely kids, having peaceful dinner, good chat and laugh." Just like that, she disappeared. Her wish fulfilled.

Being alone, seing both of them having great time and enjoying to the fullest, Tina said, "Gee, I wish I had my buddies back."

Life's Like That : Ulcer

Ulcer ulcer ulcer! Why am I so prone to ulcers? It is bad if the ulcer is on the tongue. It is worse if there are more than one ulcers, three on the lips, two on the tongue. What I feel now is sore, painful wound. Urrrgghhh!! Why do I get ulcer that frequent ? What's the remedy to ulcer ? I do drink a lot. See my water bottle on the right ? (the green one, not blue). Size - 1500ml. One day, I can finished up two bottles. Does anyone out there get ulcers too ? *sigh*

As if that's not suffering enough, I've gone to the toilet 6 times as of now. Must be the mamak food I took yesterday. Trying to limit my steps. If I'm not careful enough, my pants will get stained and the whole office will have durian like smell. What's the remedy for stomach ache besides doctor ? I am weak, I am so weak now. Must be someone cursing me for posting that 'divorce' posting. I think I know who....

Life's Like That : Pig Lips

dizzy : sweety, kiss kiss *lips out like pig nose*

dizzy & dizzygf : *muuuaacckkksss*

dizzygf : ugly la you, looks like pig.

dizzy : yeahhh, you too *laugh out loud*

dizzygf : *smile with merajuk face and pinch dizzy repeatedly*

__________________________________
I love my sweetheart - She's the sweetest gal in the whole universe.

Joke Of The Day : I Want A Divorce

Under no circumstances should you read any part of this joke if you have a heart condition, stroke, high blood pressure or phobia being killed by loved ones.
____________________________________________________________

A married couple is driving along a highway at 80kph. The wife is driving. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.

"Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 85kph. The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it", he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 90kph. "I want the house," he says insistently. Now at 100kph. "I want the car, too," he continues. Now at 110kph.

"And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards."

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need." she says. "Oh, really?" he asks, "So what have you got?"

Just before they slam into the wall at 120kph, the wife turns to him and smile.

...."This car has one airbag & its at the driver side."....

Life's Like That : Speed Kills

It is common sense. It can and it will kill you if you are on its path. No joke about it. Yet, why do some people still speed / race on the highway like nobodies business ? Do they find thrill in doing this ? Why do they want to risk their lives and those innocent one's ? Being late for work / appointment is definately an unacceptable excuse. Lives are at stake the moment you step on the pedal, no matter what car or motorcycle you drive.

There's another type of SPEED that can kill.
S - Sleep
P - Poor concentration
E - Errors of judgement
E - Errors of observation
D - Dangerous attitudes

Be EXTRA careful when you drive. Like the radio ads mentioned, regardless of qualifications and achivements you have made in life, it's useless if you are found dead, being discovered on the roadside, infested with flies, etc. Think of your loved ones.

Joke Of The Day : Liver & Cheese

Al Chihuahua, a Great Dane and a Bulldog are in a doggie bar having a drink when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me".

So the great dane says "I love liver and cheese".

The Collie says "That's not good enough".

The Bulldog says "I hate liver and cheese".

She says "That's not creative enough".

Finally the Chihuahua says "Liver alone.....cheese mine".

Life's Like That : PSA Updates

On Monday, July 25 2005, I've asked for help pertaining to Public Service Ads keeps appearing on my blog. After some futile attempt searching at some forums, I decided to email Google for help. On July 26, I emailed them. Surprisingly, same day itself, they replied. The explanations are easily understood, clear and details. Special thanks to Carrie - Google Adsense Team.

Apparently I've violated the program policy. I've put a label "ADS - ADS - ADS" on top of the Google Ads banner. I was told to removed that, or replaced it with "Sponsored Links" or "Advertisements".

I need to read carefully the program policies and Terms and Conditions to ensure that all of my pages are in compliance.

Joke Of The Day : Adopted

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.

"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

Life's Like That : Happiness Vs Sadness

Live life happily. Don't let small problem take you down. It's not worth it. There will always be problems waiting for us each day and days ahead. That is why we are here, live to solve problem. Best part is, you get paid to solved problems. If everything is prefect today, there won't be tomorrow. When you are sad, the world turns. Same goes when you are happy. You have to live with it whether you are sad or happy. When you are sad, you make people around you feel the same. It's chain reaction. So why waste your time releasing negative energy? At times, sadness is unavoidable. It's ok to be sad, but not for long. Life is a long journey.

Joke Of The Day : Cheated By Neighbour

Mr Wing is getting into the bathroom, just as his wife, Lilian is finishing up, when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over who should go and answer the doorbell, Lilian gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Joe, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Joe says, "I'll give you $500 to drop that towel that you have on."

After thinking for a moment, Lilian drops her towel and stands naked in front of Joe. He admires her for a few seconds, then hands her $500 and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, Lilian wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, Wing calls from the shower, "Who was that?"

"It was Joe, the next door neighbour," she replies.

"Great," says Wing. "Did he say anything about the $500 he owes me?"

Life's Like That : Coincidence

Anything can happened coincidentally. You named it, anything at all, be it on religious issue, social events, sports - football, soccer, F1, etc.

In the year 1981;
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
3. Pope Died.

In the year 2005;
1. Prince Charles got married (again)
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe (again)
3. Pope Died.

In Future, if Prince Charles wants to re-marry or Liverpool needs another crown....
POOR POPE....!!!!!!

Help Needed : PSA ?

For the past few days, I noticed that my Google Adsense been displaying 'Public Service Ads by Google' (PSA) at the main page. I've searched high and low on the Net pertaining to this phenomenon. Been going through the Malaysian Bloggers Forum, Google Adsense Support. I've not violate the Terms of Service mentioned here. I've tried to get rid of them too, but unsuccessful. PSA keeps appearing. Strangely, if I were to click on the Archives, the Google Ads works like charm.

Anyone? Any idea what's happening? How do I get this solved? Any work around?

Joke Of The Day : Moral Of The Story

A snake was chatting with a bull: "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the snake, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you eat some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The snake ate the dung and found that it actually gave him enough strengh to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it can't keep you there.

Life's Like That : Delay Broadcast

When you are on air with a radio dj, you will be asked to turn your radio down. Ever wonder why? Well, this is because, some radio stations uses a few seconds broadcast delay to avoid foul language or slander being aired. If your radio is not turned down, you will hear yourself few seconds ago while trying to have a conversation with the dj. This will be very off-putting.

Joke Of The Day : Drink Whiskey

A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the teacher putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the teacher asked.
Christopher, raised his hand and responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

Life's Like That : Handy Plus or 100 Plus

Driving on highway, noticing my fingers got cut. Show it to dizzygf.

dizzy : Aiyohhh, pain ohhh, see the skin. Ouchhh pain laaaa...

dizzygf : Come, I got nail clipper. *cutting the skin off*

dizzy : Ouuuucchhhh... *showing pitty face*

dizzygf : No worry, later I buy 100 plus to cover it.

dizzy : *thinkingggg... huh? 100 plus? Burst out laughing loudly*

dizzygf : Handyplus!! It's Handyplus!!! Say wrongly la!!! *pinching dizzy cheek hard*

dizzy : ouch ouch ouchhhhh

Life's Like That : He's Watching

Wherever you are, whatever you do, He is watching you. He is always at your side. There are times when you need Him the most, He is not there for you. But then again, He's quietly helping you without you noticing it.

Check out what this nice old lady wrote.

Joke Of The Day : 3 Wishes

Joe hates Christsopher so much. One day, a genie appear out of nowhere infront of them *poofff*. "I will grant you both three wishes." Pointing to Christopher, genie said "You go first".

Christopher : "I want to have 5 wives".

Next was Joe's turn & he asked for crash helmet & immediately put it on. Christopher was amazed at the stupidity of Joe, wasting his wish like that. It was Christopher second turn for a wish.

Christoper : "I want my wives to be the prettiest of all, with sexy body & big boobs."

Joe asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it. Christopher was shocked that Joe was again asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money.

For the last wish, Christopher said "I want to have unconditioned love from my 5 wives, have sex with them all together every night!!"

Joe grinned, gunned the engine, and said "I wish his wives are gay..."

Life's Like That : What Goes Around Comes Around?

If someone comes up to you and hit you hard on the head with a brick, punched your face and give you a flying kick, how will you feel? Duuhhhh! Of course the first hit on the head will make you unconscious, what else can you feel besides a short sharp pain? When you woke up, it will be like "HUH??! What gives?"

So what's next? Revenge will most probably the first thing you think of. I mean that's common right? You hit me, I will surely hit you back. Unless you are a kind person and don't mind being hit repeatedly, finding it an enjoyment being bullied. When I hit you back, don't be a whiner and announced to the world that I've hit you hard on the head, you have suffered from my reaction. Well! You should have think of this earlier before you started it.

I guess, it is happening now, directly and indirectly. First US, now UK. Who's next? Did we send our hero to Iraq last time?

CONDEMNED VIOLENCE

Joke Of The Day : Grandpa's Idea

Jack, the little boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.

"Grandpa what are you doing?"

The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.

"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a hard neck. Well, now I want it hard somewhere else."

Joke Of The Day : Scuba Dive

A diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear. The diver went below another 20ft, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. He was confused, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"

The guy took the board and chalk, wrote, "I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!"

Life's Like That : Blog Words

When I first started blogging 3 months ago, I couldn't understand some words used by bloggers, mostly Malaysian. Mr. Pak_Leong_Kam was kind enough to explain to me the meaning of each word. I'm now very familiar with words like KNN, TNS, TNMH, MCH, CCB, LC, CIMAI, SUIMAI, LOHMAIKAI, LINGUPAO, etc.

Wow!! I'm glad I started blogging. See what I've learned?

Joke Of The Day : Plumber & Parrot

Christopher, being an innnovative plumber used to take a parrot to work with him. Whenever it saw a wet pipe, it will say "Ya got a leak in your basement." The plumber clients were always impressed when it was the parrot who would tell them what their problem was.

One day, at the Annual Plumbers Convention, Christopher was up for an award as the Year's Most Innovative Plumber. He brought along his parrot. When Christopher name was called he made his way to the stage. He was so nervous that he pee on his pants. Just when he was about to say something on the mic, the parrot said "Squawk! Ya got a leak in your basement" !!

Life's Like That : Net Friends Bond

It's easy to make friends via the Net. These peoples are strangers to you. Some are damn bloody arrogant, looking down on you, treating you like some lower class people. Some when you started chatting with them, you will instantly know that, they are the right person you wanted to make friend with. They make you smile, laugh your ass off, they just make you happy. Check this out!! She met a very nice young man (who she claimed look like monkey :D ) on the Net. She find him very helpful and kind hearted. But strangely, they did not even meet each other in person.

She's lucky, God send her an angel. We can hardly find these kind of people anymore.

Joke Of The Day : Take What You Want

Two nerds, Mike & John were walking across campus when Mike said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" John replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

Mike nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Work Of The Day : Crack His Balls

Dear God, I beg you to . . .

Give me the wisdom to understand the irritating branch manager,
Give me the love to forgive the arrogant him,
Give me the patience to understand his pathetic actions.

But dear God, don't present me strength . . .

Because if you give me that,

I WILL CRACK HIS BALLS

Joke Of The Day : Another Cat

Two prisoners broke out of prison. The guards chased them with dogs. As the dogs drew nearer, Mike said "I'll climb this tree, you take the other". The dogs arrived at Mike's tree and started barking...

"Who's up there?" shouted the guards.
"Meeeoooow" came the reply.

"Oh, it's only a cat" the guards said and pushed the dogs on. They came to the second tree and the dogs started barking again.

"Who's up there?" shouted the guards again.
"It's another cat" came down the reply.

Life's Like That : Bath My Wife

Aaaahhh, my wife. I usually bath my wife. But this morning, I was drained out. So I pampered her by treating her to a nice wash. I've to wait almost one hour for 5 men to wet her, bath her, blow her, vaccum her, dry her, etc.

The end result... tadaaaaaaa!!! Shines like champ!!! Shines baby, shineeessss !!! MUUAAAHAHAHAHAAA!!!
Wheels are polished! Fuiyohhh, when I looked at the shinning body, I can see the reflection. Looks like Brad Pitt la! Atleast much better than 'pat leong kam'. Worth the RM10 spent.

Work Of The Day : Expect the Unexpected

I have one project go live today. Parties involved - vendors (3 of them-a network service provider, local telco company, network security provider), local and branches support staffs. Some critical business applications will not be accessible by remote branches while this project is carried out.

Start time - 8.30am. Expected time to complete - 1.00pm.
It's supposed to be a simple procedure but then, this is hampered because the local telco company systems are downed unexpectedly at around 9am. Were told they will need 2 - 3 hours to bring up their system.

12pm passed. Were told they need another 2 more hours.
2pm passed. Need another 2 more hours.
3pm passed and still waiting.

Such big local telco company does not have a backup solution in place to ensure continuous uninterrupted systems ??? $$$ spent on rebranding but service level still 'aisayy'. Because of this big boy, everyone has to wait till they get the problem solved. $$$ is lost while they made their customer wait !!!

Joke Of The Day : Smart Dogs

Four men were bragging about their dogs. The first man was an engineer, the second an accountant, the third a chemist, and the fourth a government worker.

The engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square jumped on the desk, took out some paper and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

The accountant called his dog and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.

The chemist whistled & said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.

Then the three men turned to the government worker, and said, "What can your dog do?"

The government worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break slowly got off his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

Life's Like That : Hair Cut

Errmm, where to go hair cut? Hair stylist saloon or indian barber shop? At hair saloon got pretty sexy girl to wash my hair. Professional hair stylist, after cut will surely make me look like Andy Lau, or rather, Andy Lau look like me ... hehehe *floating on air*. Walking out, boosting my self confidence. Feel good, not because I watches too much of NTV7, but if you look good, you will feel good. Worth paying the price.

If I choose to go to barber shop, I might end up look like Mr Wingz. No pretty girl to wash my hair. But then again, the price spent at stylish hair saloon per visit, I could have 5 sessions at barber shop. It's only RM8.

Life's Like That : What's In Your Handbag

I asked Carryn what's in her bag. She said normal stuffs - documents, monies, keys, water, handphone, pen and steel ruler. Hmm... so girls, ladies, let me ask you a question. If you are in danger, what in your bag/handbag you can use to protect yourself? (assuming a sex maniac trying to attack you.)

So I told her, to carry a pen size knife or cutter in her bag. Put it at a compartment where it's easily reachable in case of emergency. Do you think this is logical and practical ?

Joke Of The Day : Mean Wife

Mary watched as the cashier rang up her purchases. "That will be RM500" she said after folding the items Mary had bought. As she fumbled for her wallet The cashier noticed a tv, video & Astro remote controls in her purse.

"Do you always carry your remote controls?" The cashier asked.

"No," she replied. "Only when my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."

Joke Of The Day : Married Again?

Wife : Would you get married again?
Husband : Definitely not!
Wife : Why not - don't you like being married?
Husband : Of course I do.
Wife : Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Husband : Okay, I'd get married again.
Wife : You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
Husband : Yes, I would.
Wife : Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Husband : Where else would we sleep?
Wife : Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
Husband : That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Wife : And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Husband : She can't use them; she's left-handed.

OPPSS!!

Life's Like That : Loud Speaker Bike

Ever seen a motorbike with loud speaker installed? Driving pass your house, blast their volume to the max, fearing the whole neighbour can't hear him? Best part if, these dunggu will choose a very nice time - after midnight. MCH! People siok siok having wet dreams, these dunggus go wake me up! Does JPJ approve this kind of installation?

Joke Of The Day : Got Condom Ah?

Mr. Rojak walks into a store and asks, "Got any condom?"
The clerk looks at him one kind & tells him, "Soli, don't have".
Mr. Rojak says, "Okay" & leaves.

Next day, Mr. Rojak again walks into the store, with cheeky smile & asks, "Got any condom ah?". Feeling irritated, again the clerk says no & he leaves.

Next day, Mr. Rojak once again walks into the store & asks, "Got any condom boh?". The clerk says, "I've told you twice, we don't have that, we've never had that!!. If you ask me again, I swear I'll NAIL your feet to the floor". Immediately, he leaves.

The next day, Mr. Rojak walks in & ask, "Got any nails?" The clerk says, "NO!!"
Mr. Rojak then ask, "Got any condom?"

Work Of The Day : Frustration

I've been getting lots of emails from this irritating manager. This asshole must be shaking his leg in his room. When there's no mosquitoes to hunt, he will start to irritates people with his so called "2 cents worth of opinion" in a sarcastic, arrogant way. He think he knows everything, everything he said will definately work and it can easily be done. Well read this asshole...

SURE WORK MY ASS... YOU ARROGANT ASSHOLE !!!

Seing the way he drafted the mail, really boils my blood. Each mail replied to him explaining in details, he will attacked back! Real asshole!!!

Joke Of The Day : Squeeze It

The local bar was sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a RM1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but nobody could do it. One day a thin man came in, wearing thick glasses and a suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He then handed the wrinkled remains of the lemon to the man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the RM1000, and asked the man, "what do you do for a living?"
The man replied, "I work for the Inland Revenue Department."

Work Of The Day : Irritating Manager

This guy, employed at other branch has been assigned to oversee matter pertaining to IT. He was at the operation dept, some how got his ass transferred out. May be in the course of carrying out his duty, he had caused much anger among the managers, supervisors and staffs. He's not welcome there. Now at his new dept, he's repeating the same thing all over again. Showing off, giving unnecessary comments, ideas that does not work but he keep insisting, pretending he knows everything with the tiny little knowledge that he has, and all sort of other things that causes irritation to other people. This kind of people will make your blood pressure sky rocketing.

Joke Of The Day : Take Off My Dress

A wealthy couple advised their butler that they were giving him the evening off to do as he pleased since they would be out until quite late. The couple went to the ball and dinner. After an hour, the wife was horribly bored and preferred to go home. The husband responded that he had to stay to meet some very important people.

So, the wife went home alone and found the butler spread out on the couch watching TV. She slowly moved towards him and sat down very seductively. She asked him to come closer. Then even closer. She moved forward and whispered in his ear:

"Take off my dress...."
"Now, take off my bra."
"Next, remove my shoes and socks."
She then looked deep into his eyes and in a sharp voice shouted:

"The next time I catch you wearing my clothes, you're fired!"

Joke Of The Day : My Father Won't Like It

John was walking down a country lane and sees his friend Paul, a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

"Hey! You look hot" said the John. "why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand."
"No thanks," said Paul. "My father wouldn't like it."
"Don't be silly, everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water." said John.

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, John said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!"

"Well," replied Paul, "he's under the load of hay."

Joke Of The Day : Tricky Woman

A woman and a man get into a car accident, and it's a bad one, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt". The woman continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Lets celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then handing it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police..."

Life's Like That : Do I Care?

Do I care what people say bad about me? Be it at work, social, etc. People have mouth, they talk and talk non stop. Can you point a gun on their head and say "F**ker! Shut your bludi mouth or your brain will kiss my bullet". Will this make them stop? Stupid question right?! Of course they will stop lah! Duhhhh! But for how long? The next thing you know, the f**ker machine gun mouth will start all over again. So why bother? Let them talk cock lorrrrr.

Do I care what people think of me? People have brain, they think. Each person is unique in their own way. Some got kuku bird, some got linku bao, some fat, some skinny. Same goes to their thinking. To him/her, their point of view is definately 101% right, but to you, might be the other way round. You have the right to agree or disagree. Can't stop you from thinking the way you think. You are right, YES YES! You are right. But when you are out of my sight, you are so f**king wrong man!!! Sometimes you just have to agreed with them (be it your family, friends, colleagues, boss, etc) for the sake of not creating heated argument or causing further complications.

So say whatever you want, think whatever you want, as long as you are happy.

Work Of The Day : Work Late Night

Sometimes I have to work late at night. Worst part is, alone!! The whole office practically belongs to me. I will leave all the lights on. If I'm too tired, my mind will start to wonder, seing figure moving past my partition. A colleague told me the office is haunted. The operation staffs who work late night occasionally seing 'headless' figure. Scary!! To overcome this feeling, I will keep myself occupied, blast the MP3 player as loud as I can. 50 CENT makes my body move, my head shake with the beat. Wait! I didn't take 'ice' to calm myself, did I? Kill time by surfing porn sites, download XXX clips, sites which are related to work, finish up my paper work, etc.

Wingz

Joke Of The Day : Help The President?

A man on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic. He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me Officer, what's the hold up?"

The Officer replies, "The President just found out he was impeached and he's all depressed. He stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him."

"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"

"I've got a lot of folks still siphoning; but right now I have about three hundred gallons."

Joke Of The Day : Pull Buddy Pull!

A man drove his car into a ditch. He got out and worriedly looked up and down the road. After a while, a farmer came to help with his big strong horse named "Buddy" and offered to help get the car out of the ditch. The farmer hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!"

Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!".
Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!"
Nothing.

Finally the farmer yelled, "Pull, Buddy, pull!"
And then the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer explained, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

Life's Like That : My Sweet Niece

Whenever I'm back home, my little niece will surely be standing infront of the gate, greeting me with her huge sweet smile. Seing her really makes me happy. She will quickly run and sit next to her grandma when I opened the door as if I'm playing 'catch' with her. Sometimes hiding in a room. The way she run, with both hands high in the air really makes me laugh. Like cartoon. She will follow me everywhere I go. When I eat, she will sit quietly beside me, staring at my food. I of course, will share my food with her. Sometimes teasing her, pretending to feed her with vege, wait until she opened her mouth wide, but at the end, the spoon end up in my mouth, hehehe. Wish I can post her sweet pics here, but my sis will skinned me alive if she finds out.

Joke Of The Day : Patient Mother

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her no. The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long."

Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Monica, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."

When they got to the checkout stand, the little girls immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased. The mother patiently said, "Monica, we'll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."

A man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica," he began. The mother replied, "I'm Monica - my little girl's name is Tammy."

Joke Of The Day : Wingz Kena Saman

Wingz was speeding down the highway, along with other cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the ticket, received his signature and was about to walk away when Wingz asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?"

"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked Wingz.

"Ummm, yeah..." Wingz replied.

The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?"

Life's Like That : KLCC Parking

Woahhh! Received the below this morning. Is is true?

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For those going to klcc for shopping, pls take note of the new parking rate effective 1st June 2005. It can make a big hole in your pocket if u stays from day till night. Rates as below:

Monday-Saturday

First Hour-RM2.50
Every subsequent ½ hour - RM1.00
Before 1 June 2005, maximum per day RM12.50. Now RM19.50.

Sunday/Public holiday/ Saturday after 12pm

First 3 hours-RM4.00
Every subsequent ½ hour - RM1.00.
Before 1 June 2005, RM4.00 per entry for sunday and public holiday.
After 5pm, maximum RM5.00

Joke Of The Day : Pitty Man

There's this guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. I get a cab to return home, and left my wallet and credit cards there. I got home, and found my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison..."

Life's Like That : SuperVision

Sunday chores! Urgh!! Was cleaning the junk yard (my room) and found my toy bought way back 1986.


-> Presenting... *drum roll* SuperrrrrVisionnnnn 26000.
Woah, still nicely wrapped. This toy was popular in the 80's.





-> The box is still in good shape.






-> My god! Couldn't believe it. The manual is still in the box!






-> SuperVision model 26000. Free of dust.






-> Cables and game cartridges.






-> The bottom of SuperVision, printed "TV GAME ATARI COMPATIBLE. QC 1986 PASSED". Wohhh, already 19 years and I still keep it.



-> Game cartridges - "Mario Brothers"







-> "Demon Attack".






-> Joystick.

Joke Of The Day : Goodbye Mother

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently." "I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?" "Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!' ? It would make me feel so much better." "Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.

"How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

Life's Like That : Got MyKad

At last! The wait is over! Got my MyKad! The pic did not turn out as bad as I've thought. Phew! Hair and beard nicely taken. The back of the card printed "Touch n Go", "ATM", "64K Chip" and even "MEPS CASH". Huuuwaahhhhh, wah lan ehhhhhhhhhh, so canggih!. So I asked the officer.

"Butiran lesen memandu ada kat dalam?" [transalation - Driving license particulars in the card].
"Ya, betul Encik" [translation - Yes].
"Ohh bagus, jadi sekarang tak payah bawak lesen memandu la?" [translation - I don't have to bring separate driving license anymore?]
"Ehhh tidak, kena bawak jugak" [translation - Still needed].

I was liked - "HUH?! Canggih my ass!!!".

Joke Of The Day : Gift For Teacher

On the last day of term, all the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from Johny, the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine Johny?" she asked.
"No," Johny answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," again little Johny replied.
Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"
Johny replied, "A puppy!"

Joke Of The Day : Barbie

Ralph was driving home one evening when he suddenly realised that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the shopping mall, ran to the toy store and said to the saleswoman, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"

In a condescending manner, she says "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $100, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $120, Barbie Goes Shopping for $150, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $180, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $200, and Divorced Barbie for $800".

"So why is the Divorced Barbie $800?" asks Ralph. "Well that's obvious" says the saleswoman "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture...."

Work Of The Day : No Increment

Ha! I knew it ! See, I told you so ! It didn't materialise after all. During lunch, I purposely strike up a conversation with my colleagues who was so confident last time. Guess what they said? Look at the pic below.

Work Of The Day : PPS Bandwidth Issue

If you have PPS buttons or banners on your site directly linked to PPS, you can partially help to reduced the current problem they are facing. Have you done your part yet?

Joke Of The Day : FBI

** The phone rings at FBI headquarters. They answer: "Hello?"
"Hello, is this FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor William is an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his firewood."
"This will be noted."

Next day, the FBI went over to William's house.They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no diamonds, swear at William and leave. The phone rings at William's house. He answers, "Hello."

"Hello, William! Did the FBI come?"
"Yes."
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yes, they did."
"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch ploughed."

Life's Like That : Petrol oh Petrol

*sighhhhhhh* Got another sms "Petrol price increase effective 12am 1st July 2005". What the f*ck!! Felt the previous increased was like just few weeks ago and today, it's another one. Sign of inflation?! Hey! It has been years since I got my raised. Things are getting more expensive these days. If I don't watch my expenses, I'm going to end up eating bread for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Business must have been good for petrol stations owner before 12am. Saw lots of cars queuing up to get their fix. Hello! How much can you save huh? RM5? RM10?

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1/7 - Heard over the radio & confirmed by The Star, government announced there won't be any price increase just yet.