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Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Oh Sh*t !

Three guys were walking in the desert when the came across a canyon that they couldnt cross. They thought they would never get around it when all of a sudden a genie pops out of nowhere. He says "you look like decent men, I turn you into whatever you want to get across this canyon. All you have to do is jump off and yell what you want to be."

The men think about it for a while and they say ok. The first guy jumps off and says "eagle" and he turns into an eagle and flies to the other side.

The next guy jumps off and says "butterfly" and he turns into a butterfly and flies to the other side.

The last guy is really scared of heights and he tells the guys he can't do it he's scared, but the guys convince him. So he shakingly walks up to the edge of the canyon and jumps of and screams "OHHHH SH*T!"

Life's Like That : Procrastination

OK, I admit it. I'm one of those sucker who like to procrastinate! Yesterday, I planned to reached office early in the morning to do housekeeping work.

5:30am, the alarm rang! Damn! There goes my wet dream. Snooze it. Continue my sweet dream.

5:45am, alarm screaming! OK, still early, I can still reach office on time and still have time for the housekeeping work.

6:00am, alarm!!! Switched off the alarm. Ok ok, I will sleep for a little while more.

8:30am, "Zhiu Kan Tham Buoy Bohhhhh!!" Neighbour radio blasting loud! WTF!!!! I'm *ucking late to work!!! Shower and hit the road. Traffic jam, that's great. Ah pek driving at 60Kph on the right lane, but the sign read "110Kph". Keep up the good work ah pek, "slow and steady, later kena hantam road bully".

9:45am, reached office. Boss : "You are late!". Me : "Sorry boss, clinic a lot of people la".

Monday, May 30, 2005

Life's Like That : Goreng Pisang

Emmm, yummy! Crispy and delicious right? Well, think twice when you feel like having one.
I was walking out from a restaurant and still feeling hungry. Ahhhh, found a goreng pisang stall on the road side not far away. This lady was transferring the fried pisang from the pan to another container. Few of the goreng pisang fell to the ground!! After looking left and right realising no one is looking, she gave the goreng pisang a few blow and put it together with the rest. I was shocked and immediately turn away. Lost my appetite!

Joke Of The Day : Genie

A guy's walking along the beach in Malibu, finds a bottle, and picks it up. A genie pops out and says, "Thanks for letting me out. For your kindness, I will grant you one wish."

The guy says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't because I'm too afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick from claustrophobia. So my wish is for you to build a road from here to Hawaii."

The genie says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved... think of the huge pilings we'd need to hold up the highway, and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. And think of all the cement that would be needed. Plus, since it's such a long span, there would have to be gas stations and rest stops along the way. No, that is just too much to ask."

The guy says, "Well, there is one other thing I've always wanted. I'd like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why they're so temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with... you know, what makes them tick?"

The genie thinks a second, and says, "Would that road be two lanes or four?"

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Trainee

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"

No" replied the trainee. "It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"

The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you

"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.

"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.

Life's Like That : Addiction

Sign of me addicted to blog :-
a. Darn frustrated when blog site was downed for upgrading work. What the *uck!!!

b. Cursing non stop when click on 'Publish' button but returns with error message. Kan nin neh!!!

c. Skipped lunch to read other peoples blog. No food nevermind, as long as got blog to read!!!

d. Tell my girlfriend I'm in the middle of doing something extremely important and I will call her back. In actual fact, I'm blogging (hope she doesn't read this :p ) If you are reading this sweetheart, I love you so much. You are the sweetest gal in the universe. I love you one and only.

e. Cursing TM Net for the slow Internet connection. Takes ages to download a blog site. My 56K modem must be busy mating with TM Net CEO!!!

f. Log on the Net to read other peoples blog before going to bed, everyday. My mom's comment "Oii... everyday online till 3am, Internet free one izzit? No need to pay ah?"

g. Email and IM (Yahoo, MSN, ICQ, Skype) everyone in my contact list of my blog site. Hey! Remember this ah, I repeat, it's
OK once again, You didn't get that arh? OK it's Oh for god sake, it's

h. One day didn't post or read blog, but it feels like a week la.

Anyone got any other signs of addiction ah?

Saturday, May 28, 2005

On Leisure : Gas Chamber

I was eating at IKEA with my girlfriend, can't help noticing something. Nope! Of course not pretty girls la. My girlfriend will poke me in the eyes! We were sitting right infront of a chamber. She called it "smoking room", I called it "gas chamber". Men, women, boys and girls were inside inhaling oxygen... err, wait, sorry, it's "smoke". I was wondering whether they realised, their lungs are slowly but surely deteriorating. If they realised, how come there's no stop to this? Does anyone out there successfully quit smoking? If yes, how?

Joke Of The Day : Digging

Two privates stationed at a fort were handed shovels and told to bury a large, dead animal. While digging they got into an argument about what they were burying.

"This here's a big mule!"

"This ain't no mule, this here's a donkey."



Well, this went on for a while until the camp chaplain came by. "What are you boys doing?"

"We're diggin' a grave for this mule."


The chaplain cut in, "Boys, this isn't either one, it's an ass."

An hour later, the camp commander came up and said, "What are you men doing, digging a foxhole?"

"No sir. We're diggin' an asshole."

Friday, May 27, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Outrun A Lion

Two young photographers are on a shooting in a famous Kenyan safari park. They had spent the day snapping giraffes, leopards, gazells - anything that came into view. Walking back to their jeep they spotted a pride of lions. They were clicking away like crazy, when a large male lion stood up and gave out a loud roar. One of the photographers slipped off his boots and put on a pair of running shoes.

The other photographer looked at him and said: "You'll never outrun a lion!"

To which the other replied: "I don't care about the lion as long as I can outrun you!"

Life's Like That : It's The Day Of The Month Again

Nope! I'm not talking about menstrual. It's pay day!! But I guess most of us will feel happy just for few days. Why? These are whys:

The hard earned monies will goes to;
a. Car installment
b. House installment
c. Life insurance installment
d. Car insurance installment
e. Handphone bill
f. House fixed line bill
g. Electricity bill
h. Water bill
i. Astro bill
j. Indah Water bill
k. Credit cards bills
l. Petrol
m. Food & drinks
n. Clothes
o. Car service
p. Income Tax
q. Land Tax
r. Door Tax
s. Road Tax

One source of income, but multiple channels of expenses. Anyone want to join me to rob a bank?

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Mental Patients

John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day while they were walking passed the hospital swimming pool, John suddenly dove into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. David promptly jumped in and saved him. He swam to the bottom of the pool and pulled John out.

The medical director came to know of David's heroic act. He immediately ordered that David be discharged from the Mental Hospital, as he considered him to be OK.

The Doctor said, "We have good news and bad news for you, David! The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses. Since you were able to jump in and save another patient you must be mentally stable. The bad news is that John, hung himself in the bathroom and died."
David replied, "Doctor, he didn't hang himself. I hung him there to dry."

Work Of The Day : Peeled Skins

I was having brunch with my colleague. Delicious hot crispy roti canai with fish curry (anything no need to pay is delicious la ;) ) and teh tarik. Anyway, it's not about mamak in this blog. The gossiping started. She talked about this colleague (Mr A). He has skin problem! Mr A has his fingers and feet covered up by henna ( 'inai' in Malay). Most of the time, she will noticed Mr A peeling off the skins and threw it all over the floor. As if that's not disgusting enough, he will do that while talking to others. Worst of all, Mr A ate biscuits and dunk into his drink with that pair of hands. Yucky! But to Mr A, that's "Yummy!". Since she's sitting just beside Mr A, everytime, she has to put up with that uncomfortable smell. Lucky me, I'm at the other corner.

If you are in her shoes, what will you do eh?
I'll just keep my mouth shut, as long as Mr A don't throw his peeled skins over to me.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Cell Phone

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. When a cell phone on a bench rings, a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I am at the mall and found a beautiful leather coat. It's $1,000. Can I buy it?"

MAN: "OK, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: $60,000.

MAN: "For that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! One more thing. ... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're only asking $450,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and buy it but just offer $420,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you too."

The man hangs up. The other men are looking at him in astonishment. Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

Life's Like That : Neighbours

I love my neighbours. They are very considerate. OK, the neighbour on my left, frequently switch on the tv and sometimes blast the radio at the same time so loud that the people living few blocks away could even hear it. What I can think of is, they are either stupid asshole or they are deaf. But hey! Neighbours has been complaining few times, but things hasn't changed. So I guess the earlier option applied.

I like it so much when they parked right infront of my house. Hmm, after surveying around the area, I found few more spots available which they can park their *uc*ing car. But why infront of my gate? Why want to obstruct me from parking inside or driving out from my own house? When I politely asked them to remove the car, they will hurl abusive words. Gheez, what gives man? If it's for few minutes, I wouldn't mind. But according to my sources - medium bird (little bird is copyrighted of Jeff Ooi and big bird already taken by Kenny Sia), they have been parking their damn bluudy car at the same spot for few long hours.

The neighbour on my right are mahjong kaki. They can play from afternoon till passed midnight. Why can't they play strip poker instead? Play mables also not that noisy ma. Go play hide and seek la ah sohhhh. You all are driving me crazy!! Will you get crazy if you have such kind of good neighbours?

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Barber

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves. The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house."

Joke Of The Day : The Pope

The pope was being driven in a limo along the high-way. After some time the pope asked his chaufer if they could switch place and let him drive. The chaufer agreed and the Pope jumped to the seat and soon the limo was flying.

After a few minutes they stopped by a speed-cop for speeding. The cop ordered the pope to roll down the window, not knowing it was the pope, upon seeing he let them go and quickly returned to his buddy who asked "Who was that?" And the cop replied "I don't know, but he had the Pope as his chaufeur"

Life's Like That : First Aid ... Episode 2

previously, on Episode 1 . . . Bleeding, Broken Bones, Seizuires. And now . . .

Disclaimer: Under no conditions responsibility is be accepted by the author, regarding the consequences of use of the information distributed in this blog. IN ALL CASES SEEK IMMEDIATE EMERGENCY TREATMENT AND ADVICE.

Actions :

  1. Wrap your arms around the victim from behind. Tip the victim slightly forward.
  2. Make a fist with one hand; grasp the fist with your other hand.
  3. Position your fist between the victim's navel and rib cage.
  4. Thrust your fist upward quickly and forcefully. Use an inward and upward motion, as if you are trying to lift the person off the ground.
  5. Repeat thrusts as necessary until object pops out and the airway is clear.
  6. Seek emergency medical treatment and advice.
Symptons/signs : Chest pain. The victim may describe it as pressure, a feeling of tightness in the chest, aching, crushing, fullness or tightness, constricting or heavy pain. The pain may be located in the center of the chest although it is not uncommon for the pain to radiate to one or both shoulders or arms or to the neck, jaw or back. In addition to pain, victims may experience sweating, nausea or shortness of breath.

Actions :
  1. Comfort & reassure the victim.
  2. Have the victim stop whatever he/she's doing and sit or lie in a comfortable position.
  3. If the victim become unconcious, be prepared to perform CPR.
  4. Seek emergency medical treatment and advice.
Symptons/signs: Weakness and numbness of the face, arm or leg, often on one side of the body only. Dizziness. Confusion. Headache. Ringing in the ears. A change of mood. Difficulty speaking. Unconsciousness. Pupils of uneven size. Difficulty in breathing and swallowing. Loss of bowel and bladder control.

  1. Have the victim stop whatever he/she's doing and sit or lie in a comfortable position.
  2. Seek emergency medical treatment and advice.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Old Women

Three old women are talking about their aches, pains and bodily dysfunctions.

One seventy-five year old woman says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."

An eighty year old woman says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."

The ninety year old woman says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow."

"So what's your problem?" asked the others.

"I don't wake up until nine."

Life's Like That : Marriage

Lunch time! It's also 'keh po' time (yes yes, I'm one of the 'kpc' clan.) The ladies (what to do? The office is dominated by ladies) were talking of Mr B marriage failure. He has a daughter. Due to her nature of work, Mr B wife has to put up extra long hours at work. Mr B takes care of her girl needs. At times, his daugther will need certain materials for school usage, but her wife priority is at work, although the school is just a short distance away from her office. Mr B have to take leave just to take care of that. Sometimes when Mr B goes back home at night, her daughter was still clad in school uniform. Worst of all, she will tell her daddy she's very hungry. What is mummy doing? Where is mummy? Looks like mummy has gone out for work appointment again. Dressed nicely, make-up, with perfumes. Being suspicious, one day, Mr B check on her handphone messages. Ended up Mr B wife has an affair. Mr B even saw it with his own eyes! Now seperated. Mr B has to work out on his child custody. Financially tight, he has to sell off his apartment (two names - his wife and his) - another problem to dealt with.

Did I say failure earlier? Sounds more like disaster to me.
Because of adults, an innorscent child suffered.
Is temptation that difficult to curb?
Should family matter be the first priority? Work second?
I'm not married. You tell me!

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Nuns

One friday four nuns are wondering what to do with their weekend, after a lot of thought they decide to ask the preist for the whole weekend off to go on a little trip away.

Off they went to ask the preist, he gave it a lot of consideration and in the end he decided to give the nuns this little break on one condition, that one monday they would come back and admit the sins they committed on the weekend. The nuns agreed and off they went.

Monday comes and the first nun comes to the preist and says, "forgive me father, for I have sinned, I was backing out of my brothers driveway and ran over his neighbors dog."

The preist looked up to heaven for a moment and said to the nun "god forgives you, now go and drink the holy water." .....and off she went and drank the holy water.

The forth nun, who was waiting in line had began to laugh absurdly.

The second nun comes into the preist and says, "forgive me father, for I have sinned, I lied to my mom."

The preist looked up to heaven for a few minutes and then said to the nun "god forgives you, now go and drink the holy water.".......and off she went and drank the holy water.

The forth nun was now on the ground laughing.

The third nun comes into the preist and says, "forgive me father, for I have sinned, I kissed a man."

The preist looked up to heaven for a few moments and then said to nun "god forgives you, now go and drink the holy water. So off she went and drank the holy water.

Then it was the forth nuns turn, The preist turned to her and said, "now what's so funny?"

She replied, "I pissed in the holy water"

Life's Like That : First Aid ... Episode 1

Sometimes, we take things for granted. Until we got hit, mostly these remarks are quite common to be heard - "I should have learn this earlier, should have done this and that". So today I'm not going to be myself (keep complaining), instead, I'm going share some first aid here. Who knows, these might comes in handy one day.

Disclaimer: Under no conditions responsibility is be accepted by the author, regarding the consequences of use of the information distributed in this blog. IN ALL CASES SEEK IMMEDIATE EMERGENCY TREATMENT AND ADVICE.

Actions :
  1. Apply direct pressure. Using a sterile dressing or a clean cloth, apply direct pressure on the wound of at least 10 minutes. If the dressing becomes soaked with blood, do not pull the dressing from the wound; instead place another clean dressing on top of the existing cloth.
  2. Elevate the injured area if you don't suspect a broken bone. This help slow down the bleeding.
  3. If bleeding doesn't stop, use 'pressure point' above the wound. For the arm, apply pressure to upper arm. With a leg wound, apply pressure where the groin and leg meet.
  4. Seek emergency medical treatment and advise.

Symptons/signs : limb/joint area may be deformed; difficult or painful to move; sensitive to the touch; discolored or cold; or have acute swelling or no feeling.

Actions : Seek emergency medical treatment and advise.

Symptoms/signs: Rigid body, clenched fists and jaw, twitching in limbs or face. Eyes rolling back in head. Excessive salivation. Possibly, unconsciousness.

Actions :
  1. Do not restrain the person.
  2. Lay the person on a soft or padded surface during the convulsion to avoid self-injury.
  3. If the person begins to vomit, turn his or her head to the side to prevent choking.
  4. Keep the person's mouth clear of all objects (including your hands) so there is no danger that he will 'swallow' his tongue.
  5. Seek emergency medical treatment and advice.

To be continued at Episode 2 . . .

Friday, May 20, 2005

On The Road : What T n G ?

Touch n Go ? What T n G ? It's more like - wait until the window fully wind down (it's worst if it's not auto), look high and low for the T n G card, touch, wind up the window and finally, get the ass off. Aren't the introduction of T n G suppose to speed up things? Avoid long queues? Avoid people like me from cursing? Why can't they get things ready before hand?

OK, enough of complaining. Here are some suggestions if they want to know how to make things less painful for others :
  1. While waiting for the queues, get the T n G card ready.
  2. If its about your turn, wind down the window. If you need to do it manually, do it while you are a KM away.
  3. When you have done touching, immediately get your ass off. You can wind up the window again while you are driving.
Hmm, anyone has anything else to add ?

Work Of The Day : Itchy Hand

I was experimenting with the blog template this afternoon. If you were here that particular time :) you will notice the sudden changed of colour and face of the site. Don't worry, it's not ghost, just my itchy hand :P

Joke Of The Day : Bus Driver

One day this little boy went on a bus and sat right behind the bus driver. The little boy kept on saying things like "If my daddy was a elephant and my mommy a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."

The little boy kept going on using almost all the animals he knew until the bus driver got so p!ssed off that he said, "What if your dad was gay and your mom a prostitute?" And the little boy looked at the bus driver, smiled and said, "I`d be a bus driver!"

Work Of The Day : Flush Flush Flush

Flush flush flush! People just don't do that anymore! Do you? What's wrong with them?!!

I'm begining to sounds like an old man. I keep complaining in my blog :) There's a comment saying I sounds better off with less vulgur words. OK, I'll listen to her, just for today's blog :P

Every time I go to the toilet, surely there will be something to see. Go into the toilet, lock the door, about to unzip, URRGHH!! Yellowish brownish stinking fixed deposits clearly visible (ohh, I hope you have taken your meal). Someone diarrhea! Poor bastard. I don't pitty him because he had stomach upset, but for not being a civic-minded person. Hello! Flush la next time!! Ok fine, I came out and use the other vacant. Eeeeewwl ! The person before me, he needs to drink a lot of water. There's no need for me to describe the colour this time. Use your imagination. Another jerk who doesn't flush! Can't they treat it as if it's their home toilet? Do your business, flush! 2 simple steps. Oh yeah! Some are darn bad in aiming. They left many spots behind. If it aint that long, don't stand too far la! There's no cctv in the toilet, no need to stand so far and show.

I just wish, these kind of people will get the feel of it when they use the dirty toilet next time.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Timmy

Every time Timmy's mom had her boyfriend over, she put Timmy in the closet with his teddy bear. One day, hearing her husband coming up the stairs, she quickly shoved her boyfriend in with Timmy.

"Gee, it's mighty dark in here," Timmy said.

"Yes, it sure is," replied the boyfriend.

"You wanna buy my teddy bear for fifty bucks?" asked Timmy.

"No way, kid. You're crazy," said the boyfriend.

"I'll scream," said Timmy.

The boyfriend forked over the money.

The next day, Timmy's grandmother came to visit and saw him thumbing through a wad of money. "Where did you get all that money, Timmy?" she asked, suspecting that he stole it. Timmy wouldn't say.

"Well, if you won't tell me, you'll have to go to confession and tell the priest," said Grandma, dragging Timmy off to the church.

As he entered the gloomy confession booth, Timmy said, "Gee, it's mighty dark in here."

"Are you going to start that crap again?" the priest said.

Work Of The Day : Adware, Spyware - It's Everywhere

SPYWARE, ADWARE are softwares that takes control of your computer, without you knowing it. It's like having an intruder inside your house or a spy in your computer that you actually invited in there without you knowing it.

ADWARE is downloaded in exchange for free software or other offers.
SPYWARE is downloaded without your consent or awareness.

What SPYWARE Do To Your Computer ?
  • It bombard you with nuisance advertising that you don't want to see.
  • Change your computer behaviour in ways you wouldn't want.
  • Collecting personal information about you or your family.
  • Slow down or crash your computer.
How Did It Get There ?

Unintentional or accidental downloading of software while you were surfing. For example : downloading of a toolbar that shows a weather forecast. It seems harmless but it came with spyware.

What Can You Do ?
  • Only download from sites you trust.
  • Read privacy statements and license agreements before you download anything. If you don't understand, don't download.
  • If you can click a pop-up window, never click on OK, AGREE or CANCEL button. They are trying to trick you. Only click on the red "x" in the corner.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

On Leisure : Be Considerate - Asshole!

It was a good movie. Seing how the hero defended himself, loosing off the baddies, ramming the baddy 'tai ko' with a truck, crashing him onto the wall. Blood splashing and his head dropping onto the floor. "Toooo toooooo!" Hey! Where the *uck that come from? Surely it wasn't the movie sound effect to show how the head fell off. In slow motion somemore!

"Hello ah YES LA! COMING LATER! NOW IN MOVIE LA! Ah ya la .................... , BYE!!"

*uck! Hoi asshole! People are watching movie la. Show some respect will you? You have taken the peace, suspense and thrill away from all of us. We are not paying to hear your loud nonsense conversation and get irritated by you. Why can't they switch their phone off? If you are an important person and people will die if you don't answer their call, atleast put your phone on silient and vibrate mode la? If it rings, go outside and do your business. As simple as ABC. Be considerate!!!

This kind of vibrant person also gets onto my nerves. The "Vibrator". Hello! I don't need a vibrator ok?! So don't *uc*ing shake and vibrate my sit. Be considerate, NOT VIBRATE !!!

Joke Of The Day : Condom

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see." replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package."

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." "Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday,and TWO for Sunday." WOW!" exclaimed the boy; "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.

With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........"

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

On The Road : Mr. TailGating

I was driving, out of no where, this Mr. TailGating was behind me. Think he likes to smell my butt or perhaps kiss it. Hey! I'm straight! Anyway, am I driving too slow. Hmm, my meter shows 120kph. Oh! That reminds me that I'm speeding. If there's a speed trap, sure my butt will kena. In this situation, what willyou do? I have few seconds to do a quick thinking:-

1. Get my butt the hell out of that lane NOW!!!
2. Stay calm, pretend nothing happened, keep driving.
3. Slow and steady, give way and stare at Mr. TailGating as he zoom by.

Now if I go for 1, I'm letting people bullying me easily. There goes my pride in the drain. First it was those siren cars, now this?!

2? He will keep on flashing me. That will provoke him more. He might swerve, speed and swerve back right infront of my nose. If I don't hit the break, 'jiaa lat ah'. Sure kena bash.

3? What? I only have few seconds to react laa, where got time to think somemore?

1 it is. Woah sayyy, sport rims, spoiler, loud music!! You want to go to hell, GO you asshole!! I hope you knocked on a divider. Hmm, may be that's too much to say. Ok la ok la, I hope you have a flat tyre and the car overturned, rolling few times before crashing on the divider. Better bring this kind of driver off theroad before innorscent people get injured.

Joke Of The Day : Little Marry

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,

"Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!!" shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good", and Mary fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary,
"Who is our Lord and Savior?" But, Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!!" shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good", and Mary fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question.

"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!!" The teacher fainted.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Work Of The Day : I resign b'coz

History is repeating.
5pm sharp, my downline hand over a letter to me. Needless to say, I've guessed it correctly. On being asked 'why', these are the answers :

'I got better offer' [ ok acceptable ]
'I am bored at work' [ KO acceptable ]

Hey come on! Jumping to another company doesn't guaranteed your boredom will vanished. If you get bored again, are you going to do the same? Some said "if you want something, ask! You don't ask, most probably you won't get it!" Work your way out of boredom. What are the things you can do to improve your daily work or to make it more interesting? See some weakness in the system, well what can be done to overcome it? Want to learn more or have more responsibilities to increase your commercial value? Just ask.

Aint that simple?

Work Of The Day : What Gives?

Do you know someone, who insist on you doing something (in the name of doing them a 'favour') but ended up
saying this "what gives" ?

Yup! A colleague of my passed me a book. She said "You must read this. If you have no time, read the last chapter", pointing and showing it to me. Anyway, it's a collection of small stories book which has moral behind it. I said "Ok", knowing she's the type who read lots of books. One way or another, may be she's trying to motivate me or proving a point to me.

OK fine. 6.30pm, I read the last chapter. 6.45pm, yup! I'm still reading. I was about to give up, suddenly,
"Beep Beep". SMS from her "Have you read it?". Argh, what if she asked me again tomorrow. OK continue
reading. 7pm, my eyes getting sore and I'm yawning. Finally! But HEY! What's the moral of the story here?
Its like watching a *u*k*ng 2 hours movie which has no meaningful ending. What gives man?!!!

Joke Of The Day : Zookeeper and Three Boys

A zookeeper approaches three boys standing near the lions' cage and
asks them their names and what they're up to.

The first boy says, "My name's Tommy and I was trying to feed peanuts
to the lions."

The second boy says, "My name's Billy and I was trying to feed
peanuts to the lions."

The third boy says, "My name is Peanuts."

Sunday, May 15, 2005

My First Time

Gotcha! Catchy title to get your attention :)
It's my FIRST TIME blogging :D

Anyway, I don't know how the hack I ended up here.
Lets just see how I can make full use of this ...

Sunday, May 1, 2005


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