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Thursday, June 30, 2005

Life's Like That : It's All About Marketing

The buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING. However, most people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."

Here it is:

You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of our friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed."
That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's Junk Mail.

Joke Of The Day : Feel Like A Woman

A Boeing jet, flying at 35000 feet over the Atlantic runs into a terrible storm. Thunder, lightening and high winds toss the big plane around the sky. The passengers are scared!! One woman in particular is about the lose it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane shouting "I'm too young to die!" Then she yells, "well if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable. In my entire life, no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it!! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril and they all stare, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he said. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, black hair and blue eyes, he slowly starts to walk up the isle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt, muscle ripple across his chest and extends the shirt to the trembling woman and whispers...

"Iron this"

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Life's Like That : Lick Suck Fuck

I've received many sms, these are my favourites :-

Name the 3 GREAT KINGS that have brought happiness in people's live?

Answers :-

(1) Licking

(2) Sucking

(3) Fucking


Last night I wanted you. Needed you so badly that it hurt. I wanted to taste you, I wanted you
in me so you could work your power on me. But I couldn't find you. STUPID Panadol...


Want a FREE Nokia hp with a FREE line, FREE sms withouth paying a single cent? Log on to this site NOW : -

Joke Of The Day : Golf course or Intercourse?

Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation began:

First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. My wife made me promise that'll paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second Guy: "That's nothing. My wife made me promise that I'd build her a new deck for the pool."

Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! My wife made me promise that I'd rebuilt the entire kitchen for her next weekend."

After the three men have taken their goes, they realise that the fourth guy has not said a word. "So what's the deal? What did you have to promise to do to be able to come golfing this weekend?

Fourth Guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30am. After the alarm wakes me up, I shut it off, give the wife a nudge and ask: "Golf Course or Intercourse?" And she says, "Don't forget to wear your sweater."

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Life's Like That : Work Till Wee Hours

Being single, I don't mind putting up extra hours or sometimes, working till wee hours just to get things done, rushing for deadlines. In the course of doing so, I've often skipped my lunch and having dinner late at night, morning, 12+, bath and head straight to bed ... Zzzzz. This repeats the next day.

At times, it makes me wonder. Is it worth forcing myself this way?? Working like a cow for the company with dirt low pay. If I got sick, in return, will my boss do the same, taking good care of me? What if I'm really sick for a few months. Will they sack me and hire a new person instead? Most important of all, will other things in life matter, if I don't have health? If I have a married life, that will be even worse. Not being able to reach home on time, having dinner with loved ones. No time to spare for the kid/s. That's where priority kicks in.

Joke Of The Day : Hunter & In Law

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.

The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.

The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"

"Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."

Monday, June 27, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Period

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Jony, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.

Little Jony walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Jony had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It's a period," reported Jony.
"Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period."
"Damned if I know," said Jony, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mummy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Life's Like That : How To Protect Kids From Internet Threats

Worried of what the dark side of Internet will do to your kid/s?
If you want to learn how to protect kids from cyber threats, here's a recommended site parent/s can take a good look.

Many depends on the Internet to get the huge free flow of informations to accomplish their tasks, such as :
  • Email.
    Email is now an essential communication tools in business. It is also excellent for keeping in touch with family and friends. The advantages to email is that it is free when compared to telephone, fax and postal services.

  • Information.
    There is a huge amount of information available on the internet for just about every subject known to man, ranging from government law and services, trade fairs and conferences, market information, new ideas and technical support.

  • Services.
    Many services are now provided on the internet such as online banking, job seeking and applications, and hotel reservations. Often these services are not available off-line or cost more.

  • Buy or sell products.
    The internet is a very effective way to buy and sell products all over the world.

  • Communities.
    Communities of all types have sprung up on the internet. Its a great way to meet up with people of similar interest and discuss common issues.

Joke Of The Day : Juggler

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Life's Like That : Hate Flyers

Flyers! Don't you just hate them? These people will simply put it at our home post box, it will even ended up on your hand if you happened to be at a mall, at car windscreen - which I find it very irritating. Now imagine what would happen if it rained?

Joke Of The Day : You're An Asshole When You're Drunk

This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing.

About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "Hey, how the heck you do that?!" The first guy responds, "Oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk." "WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below.

The artender looks over to the first man and says,
"Superman, you're an asshole when you're drunk."

Friday, June 24, 2005

Life's Like That : Mamak oh Mamak

Yesterday night, I had roti kosong and teh ais. Yum yum... crispy and delicious. Stomach not satisfied, so I ordered meehon goreng. Wallap all of it. Arrhhhh, A BIT full. Saw few patrons having nasi lemak. Looks delicious. To eat or not to eat neh? Look at the pic and you will know whether I wallap the nasi lemak or not.

Joke Of The Day : Kissing In The Tunnel

An Welshman, an Irishman, and Sharon Stone, are sitting close to each other in a train. The train enters a tunnel and the lights go out. There is a kissing noise, followed by the sound of a slap. The lights returned, and the Welshman is rubbing his red cheek.

Sharon Stone was thinking "The Welshman must've tried to kiss the Irishman, and he got a slap from the Irishman".

The Welshman was thinking "The Irishman must've tried to kiss Sharon Stone, she went to slap him, but missed and got me..."

And the Irishman was thinking "This is great! Everytime we go into a tunnel, I just make kissing noises, and I get to hit a Welshman!!"

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Work Of The Day : My Trainer Curse A Lot

Whole week on training. Thought it will be another boring class, but it turned out otherwise. The topics are interesting. The trainer, he know what he's doing, got lots of sense of humour and the best part, he curse a lot. Cool man! Keep it up! Like this guy :D

Remembered my previous training, I was so sleepy and have no idea what's going on in the class and what was being thought. Damn shit!

Joke Of The Day : Monkey

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk."

The monkey looked up at the officer and shook its head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook its head up and down.

"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
"Yes" again motioned the monkey.

"What else?"

The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"

"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, and smoking marijauana before they wrecked."
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving" motioned the monkey.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Sex & Dentist

A guy and a girl met at a bar. They started getting along really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink. A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands. He then took off his socks and washed his hands.

The girl looked at him and says: 'You must be a dentist!' Flabbergasted, the guy responded 'Yes, that's amazing how did you figurethat out ?'
The girl said: 'Easy .... you keep washing your hands'.

One thing led to another, they migrated to the bed and things became more passionate. After they were done, the girl said: 'You must be a GREAT dentist!' The guy was very very surprised, and said 'Yes, I sure am a great dentist ... How did you figure that out??'

The girl said: 'Easy ... I didn't feel a thing'

Life's Like That : Shocking !!!

What do you do when you received your phone bill? Going through each of the hundreds over calls you have made? Or just dump the bill aside and pay one day before the due date?

I don't usually going through the details but the May bill got my attention. Do you see anything wrong with the bill? Look again. There are double entries from 28-31/03/2005. Same date, time, number, duration, rate and amount. This prompted me to check back my previous month bills for such silly errors.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005


Went to collect MyKad yesterday morning. Reached there at 7.30AM. Visited JPN website a day before, stated there open for business from 7.30am onward. Did a search on the application status with this result, "STATUS: KIRIMAN KE CAWANGAN". To my understanding, that means, my IC is already at the branch. 7.45am door opened. When it was my turn, was told my IC is not with them yet. Arrghh!!!

Joke Of The Day : I is ?

Teacher : Johnny, give me a sentence starting with "I".

Little Johnny : I is...

Teacher : No, Little Johnny. Always say "I am."

Little Johnny : All right. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Monday, June 20, 2005

Life's Like That : Beauty Or Safety?

Once I asked a colleague, isn't she worried carrying the bag on her back, walking on the street since there were lots of snatch theft reported.

Her answer was no. I was dumbfounded. She said it doesn't look nice if it's not on the back. I guess she prefer to fall to the ground, dragged few meters away by a thief on a motorbike, bleeding to death, with broken neck. Thinking of this really gives me creeps. I told her to walked inside while I walked outside. Atleast, the chance of her bag being snatched is reduced.

Ladies out there, which is more important to you? Beauty or Safety?

Guys out there, if your loved one put beauty ahead of safety similar like above case, what will you do huh?

Joke Of The Day : Dissapear

A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy's photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him.

"Yes, please" she replied. "Tell him Mother didn't come after all."

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Work Of The Day : Increment $$$

Last week, during lunch, my colleagues were talking about the increment which everyone will be getting end of this month. Could it be another false alarm? This has happened few times. At previous company dinner function, a director announced there will be bonus for everyone. Since it has been few years without bonus, everyone was cheering and clapping. It gets even louder when he gave an assurance, if there's none, he will resign. When the day finally arrived, it was total dissapointment. Guess what? The director is still around until today.

So until and unless my pay slip is out, I will hold back my joy. Let those ladies smile and feels happy about it. I was wondering what kind of reaction will I be seing end of the month if the management say "NO INCREMENT"? Perhaps below pic says it all :D

Joke Of The Day : Pull Out On Time

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

The boy said that she had. She then said, "Tell your mother that Southwest always pulls out on time."

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Life's Like That : New IC

On 9th March, I had my new chip based Identity Card made at JPN before the 31st Dec 2005 deadline. Took a number, waited for my turn. I was asked to wear a coat. Can't stand the smell of it. Must have been worn by thousands of people who sweat or worst of all, with skin diseases. When I was seated, the lady said "kanan, kiri skit, ooppss, kanan lagi, kiriiii, OK SIAP!". WTF!! OK SIAP?!! Now where's the customary, "ready, smileeeee, 1, 2, 3!!" Since I'm not prepared for the snap, what if I ended up like below? Can I have my IC redo?

Anyway, credit must be given to them. The whole process took less than 10 minutes. I was given a slip and was asked to returned 2 months later. Went there again on 12th May, was told not ready yet. Called Putrajaya JPN, was told to call again a month later. Now at the first place, why told me 2 months time sure ready? Anyway, a check at JPN website today show it's ready. Going to collect on Monday. Lets see how it goes.

Have you got your IC done? Prefer to go last minute and wait for the long queue huh?

Joke Of The Day : PCK Dont Blay Blay

Phua Chu Kang was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10.

Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1.

This is what he came up with......

"1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. After I saw couple, couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rush out and wanted to 5 with me but I run until I 6 and throw up. I chabot into 7 eleven to hide and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I get 9 and try to stab him. And 10 hor ..10 hor .. he die lor.

So, I put the 9 back and pay the girl for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6. He said 5. Tomorrow also don need to come back 4 work. He also ask me to climb a 3 and jump. I don understand, I nice 2 him but I don know what he 1.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Work Of The Day : You Are Fired!

No! I'm not talking about Trump's reality "Apparentits" show. Or was it "Apprentice"? Whatever la. Now when we all talk about blog, what precisely can we or not blog about? I came across an article about e-policy on blogging, do's and don'ts when blogging, etc. Blogging could end me up being fired if I do not know how to blog safely.

Life's Like That : Free Needles & Condoms ?

Heard over the air waves this morning, there will be free needles and condoms for drug addicts to curb the wide spread of drug addiction and sex ?

Errmm, well don't you think this sounds like an "encouragement"? Drug addicts get free needles for their daily fix and enjoy safe sex ? No doubt, the HIV/AIDS case among this group of people will reduce, but will it be significant? Most importantly, will this curb drug problem?

Joke Of The Day : What Kind Of Penises

OK Amber, this post is for you since you are asking about kukujiao :P
Guys, don't kill me ok. It's just a joke. Laughther's the best medicine right?

A young woman asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?"

The mother, surprised, answers, "Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dried up and the balls are there for decoration only."

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Joke Of The Day : What Kind of Breasts?

A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, stillnice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."


"Yes, see them and they make you cry."

Life's Like That : Cut Queue

I was waiting inline for more than 30 minutes suddenly this kancil stopped right beside me. When traffic is moving, he tried to cut into my lane. What will you do if you are in my shoe? Be a good samaritan, let him cut in? Curse him and keep honking to prevent him from doing so?

I've been waiting 30 long torturing minutes, he think he can easily cut into my lane. No way man! He tried to force his way in, but I hit on the pedal leaving him no space. Moving closer and closer almost kissing me. My hand's ready at the honk, waiting for the right time to blast it. The bastard gave up and ended up behind me instead. Aaahhhhh, I felt satisfied but this bastard speed and drove past me and showed his middle finger! I just pretend didn't see him.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Work Of The Day : Microsoft Security Updates

*sigh* Today Microsoft released few more security updates. These so called 'updates' are supposed to fixed vulnerabilities in the Windows Operating System. Seems like we will be seing more of these. Nothing is secure anymore eh? So fire up your Internet Explorer browser and download the updates.

There are few browser available out there if you feel like switching. Take a look at :
Mozilla FireFox

There's no such thing as '100% perfect, flawless softwares' in this world. Nevertheless, if you can find better security in them, why stuck to the existing browser? Anyone knows of other browser available out there?

Joke Of The Day : Diet

A gal was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the girl returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The gal nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?" the doctor asked.

"No, from skipping.

Life's Like That : Shock Cats

Do you like cats? Yeah, I certainly do. When I'm driving, if I happened to see a cat, I will slow down, drive nearer behind the cat. Then before it realised anything, I will hit on the horn!

There's once this cat jumped and leap upward so high. While I'm still laughing, it touches the ground and run like nobody business. Saw the same cat the next day, thought of honking it but I did not. I was thinking, well, give it a break laa. Next day only honk lor, may be it will jump higher than the other day. Who knows, other cats around might be enjoying seing it jumping.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Joke Of The Day : A**hole In Charge

One day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge. The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most important and I should be in charge."

The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I'm the most important and I should be in charge."

The hands said "Without me we wouldn't be able to pick anything up or move anything. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."

The stomach said "I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we'd starve. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."

The legs said "Without me we wouldn't be able to move anywhere. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."

Then the rectum said "I think I should be in charge."

All the rest of the parts said "YOU?!? You don't do anything! You're not important! You can't be in charge." So the rectum closed up. After a few days, the legs were all wobbly, the stomach was all queasy, the hands were all shaky, the eyes were all watery, and the brain was all cloudy. They all agreed that they couldn't take any more of this and agreed to put the rectum in charge.

Today's lesson: You don't have to be the most important to be in charge, just an a**hole.

Work Of The Day : Helping Hand

Got an assistant at work since last week. I was thinking, what has gone into my boss head for hiring someone who has no related working experience to assist me? A frequent blog reader of my and also my best net friend told me to give him a chance. So I did and I've no regret.

His work performance - good
His initiative - good
His skillset - good (although he has no related working experience. Must be lots of practising at home)
His working attitude - good

So far so good. Hopefully he will keep it up or better still, change it from 'good' to 'exceptional'.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Life's Like That : Learnt Your Lesson?

A robbery case was reported yesterday. According to the source, the steel factory has been robbed few times prior to this incident and yet, very little effort has been done by the management to beef up the security, like installing alarm system and CCTV. Sounds fishy, don't you think so? Thieves who know how to operate heavy machinery to load the steels. Obviously they knew CCTV system not installed. Hmm... reminds me of a case where an employer fake an incident to claim insurance money.

Now if you got bitten by a dog, what lesson do you learnt? The point is, you will certainly be extra careful next time and take necessary precaution, wouldn't you?

Joke Of The Day : Big Ass

A husband and wife were in their back yard, and he was noticing her expanding backside. He commented, "Boy, your ass is getting big. Almost as big as the gas grill here." She angrily stomped across the yard, and he followed saying, "Yep, that thing is getting huge." At this, the wife retreated to the far side of the yard. Soon he approached with a tape measure, acquired the width, and exclaimed, "It IS as big as the gas grill!"

Later that night when they were in bed, the husband started making moves on his wife. She just turned away. "C'mon, honey," he said, "what's wrong?" Her cold reply was, "I'm not firing up this grill for just one little weiner!"

Life's Like That : Sunday Chores

Sunday! That's the only time I can sleep a little bit longer. Ahhhh.... how nice.... BUT THIS DAMN NEIGHBOUR BLAST HER RADIO AT 9! C*B*I !!

Cleanned my bed and wallap four dumplings. Of course I brushed my teeth first laa. I just love those dumplings my mom made. One word says it all "delicious". I've never tasted others as tasty as these. Anyone want some while stock last? :D Burpppp! Arhhh, so full.

OK chores time. Swept the floor. One day no sweep beh tahan coz it's just right infront of the main road. Sweep without mop is like wearing trouser without underwear. So mop it is. This forty years old single storey teres house has four rooms, one bathroom, one pangsai room, renovated kitchen, dining room, living room. Mopped all. Bathroom washed. Sliding glass door cleanned. Windows cleanned. Furnitures cleanned. Anything in sight - cleanned! Mom's old, can't do much. So it's time for me to take over. Errrrr, girls if you are reading this, I'm still single :P Guys, don't even think about it! I'm straight!!! Last one to go, washing car. The longest time I took of all chores. But the satisfaction is there seing it shines under the sun.

Urrghh! I smell like fish. Took bath and out I go to see my sweetheart. Yup! My sweetheart! Woh hohohoho, girls in reading, you have no chance liao :P Late in the evening, drove back home. Gosh, how fast time flies. Connect to cyber world, read and post blog (that sounds like addiction, don't you think so?). Sleep! Good night Malaysia!

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Barber

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

Life's Like That : Persistence

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.

Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful man with talent.

Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.

Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.

Persistence & determination alone are ami potent. The slogan "PRESS ON" has solved & always will solve the problems of human race.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Work Of The Day : Middle Man

Ever get caught in the middle between two parties? Be it work or a relationship.

I've these vendors of different products. Each has their own views and expertise. If these two "dunggu's" don't work together, the whole company infrastructure will not work. Vendor (A), like to do last minutes changes. Vendor (B) on the other hand, willing to go beyond expectation to ensure his customer needs is fulfilled. Anyway, due to conflict of ideas, each is claiming their methods of implementation is right and the other party method will not work. Me on the other hand, stuck in the middle and it's just few more hours left before the project go live. I've listened to both side stories. Both explanation sounds logical. Called up (A) to explain (B) point of view and vice versa. It's like driving on a roundabout going nowhere!

Getting tired on all these. Anger starts to kicks in (usually I don't let anger takes control of me. I'm an extremely nice person to deal with, cool, tolerant, understanding... woahhh, I'm floating on air laa...) Made them liase with each other so that they can come to an understanding. Alas, things get worst. Heated argument between both. I'm running out of time and these professionals are behaving like babies.

Late in the evening, (A) called to informed he admitted the error at his side and agreed with (B) method. FINALLY!! Thank you god for listening to my prayer. But the error cannot be corrected overnight. At the end, the implementation have to be postponed. I will have a lot to explain to my boss. It's hard to accept (A) lame error after all the informations has been given in advance. It's really frustrating working with such vendor.

Joke Of The Day : Drunk Man

A man walked into a bar. As he sits down he sees a jar full of 100 dollar bills. He then asks the bartender what is this jar for? And the bartender says "first, you have to place a 100 dollar bill in. Thats just to play. After, you see that Huge guy over there with the bulging muscles? You have to knock him out in one punch. Then, you have to go out back an pull the tooth of a dog that has a tooth ache. After you are through with that, you must go over to that sweet sexy lady and make love to her. If you do all of these things you can have every dollar in the jar."

The man says "well I don't know." So the man continues to order his drinks. When he go to his 36th drink he decided it was about that time. He was going to win that money. So he walked over to the man and knocked him out in one punch just like the bartender had said.

Then he went out back with the dog.... and all you hear is this loud angry dog growls and barks and the man walks back into the bar. The bartender looks at him. The mans shirt was all torn and bloody.

Next thing the man says is "Ok so where is that sweet sexy lady who needs her tooth pulled"?

Friday, June 10, 2005

Work Of The Day : Office Hate

Things I hate at office :

(a) In the toilet. Eewwll, the previous bastard didn't flush.

(b) At the pantry. Urrgghhh, kettle empty. How to make Milo ah??! Another bastard, last person boil lah. Ok, nevermind. I will boil. Return to my place (atleast 10 minutes for water to boiled). After 20 minutes go to pantry! WHAT THE *UCK!! Empty again!!! Damn tuuuulan!

(c) Photostat machine. Stood a guy with multiple documents in hand. Ermm.. correction, looks like tons of documents. "Wow! A lot ah", say me. He mumble back with black sour face (as if someone has poke his butt with a log). Atleast say "please come back later". Helloo... I didn't poke your butt right? It's like a disease, when you feel awful, you made others feel the same. There goes my morning.

(d) I was so busy rushing for things suddenly the phone rang. "Hello, something wrong with my pc! Nothing on the screen la!", - user. "Did you switch on the monitor power ka?", say me. "Ohh yeah ah, sorry ah!" - user. I guess this fellow forget to wear his underwear to office.

(e) Being accused by a dumb ass person of being 'hanky panky' when trying to explain why a particular project encountered some problems. Smart asshole who just sit and wait for things to happened, simply throw up words at people who's trying to get things done for them. Ruthless, heartless ASSHOLE!!!

Joke Of The Day : Men & Their Son

Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a homebuilder and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free."

The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded."

The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We are just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"

The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and dances in a gay bar. I'm not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio."

Thursday, June 9, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Sex Lives

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives.

Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does."

Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."

Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?"

Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." "Why the postman?" asked Joanne. "Because, he always delivers late and half the time it's in the wrong box."

Wednesday, June 8, 2005

Life's Like That : Be Positive

Imagine this... Monday morning, Ms. A comes to work with a scowl face. Throw her keys on the table. Irritated with the piles of work, mumbling and start complaining to her neighbour. Everything doesn't seems to be right for her the whole morning. A poor young man even got scolded for no apparent reason. We heard him said "Naaaaaaa" without showing his middle finger. On being asked, he said "NA = Negative Attitude".

On the other hand, Ms. B, comes in with a happy cheering face. Greeting anyone who bump into her. Seing Ms. B, makes me feel good too. Sort like a reflection.

This is all about attitude. Is it that difficult to change our attitude? How do we manage this change after 20,30 or 40 years we have been used to it? What is required? Persistent determination? Strong discipline?

Read one book (can't remember the title), points out the differences of "Positive and Negative Attitude".

The person with negative attitude dwells on problems.
The person with positive attitude concerntrates on solutions.

The person with negative attitude finds fault with others.
The person with positive attitude looks for the good in others.

The person with the negative attitude focuses on what's missing.
The person with the positive attitude counts his or her blessings.

The person with the negative attitude sees limitations.
The person with the positive attitude sees posibilities.

Now don't you think "Change in Attitude" is good, provided we are changing for good course? Whether we are happy or not, depends very much on our attitude in life. If we are positive, we will be happy. But if we are negative, we are not only feel miserable but we also make those around us feels the blues too.

Joke Of The Day : Monks

Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude model danced before them. Each monk had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the monks until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground.

Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell and then, all the other bells started to ring..........

Tuesday, June 7, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Milk Man

This women goes into labor. They rush to the hospital. When they are there, the doctor comes in and tells the husband about the new invention they have. He says, "This machine right here makes it easier for the women to have a kid. You strap this to your wrist and the father of the child will feel the pain. Want to give it a try?"

"Sure, why not."

So they strap it to his wrist.

"We are going to turn it up to 30% to begin with."

So they do and the guy feels nothing so they turn it up to 50%. He still can't feel anything so they turn it up to 75%. The guy still feels nothing so they turn it all the way up. The lady has the kid.

"Man, I didn't feel a thing," said the guy.

"Ya, me either." Said the wife.

Later that day the wife and husband go home. When they get home, they find the milk man dead on the back porch.

Life's Like That : Worst Ever Accident

Remember the worst ever accident you had?

Still remember very clearly, 3 years back, it was National Day. I was driving back home from work. Yup! I'm a hard working employee. Got awarded for best employee of the year. OK ok, I exaggerated that one. About to reach the cross junction, the traffic light turned green. Turned right without braking. Out of no where, this Kancil was beating the red light speeding right towards me. We had head on collision. The impact was so great that my head knocked on the steering wheel. For a moment there, everything turned blur. I felt giddy. Regained my consciousness after a while. Glad I'm still breathing, hands and legs are fine. No bleeding, another miracle. Just bruise on the head and abdomen pain. My poor Wira. Gone case -> head lights, signal , radiator, air cond & radiator fans, front skirting, bumper, body, etc. Amazingly, in less than 10 minutes, 3 tow truck operators are already at the scene approaching me and the other party. The most frustrating part, were told to claim under own insurance after lodging a report. There goes my 55% NCB.

Settled the thing and gone back home. Made me think how lucky I am that day. Thank god it's that Kancil. What if it's a heavy vehicle?

Perhaps, there is a reason.
Perhaps, it's not my time yet.
Perhaps, I've still got alot I've yet to accomplished or not done yet.

Monday, June 6, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Two Assholes

Bubba died in a fire and was burned pretty bad. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were called for. Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl looked and said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought that was rather strange and he was pretty sure of the body's identity. Gomer was then brought in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said,
"Yup, he's burnt real bad. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer looked down and said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew about it, too. Every time we went to town, folks would say, "Here comes Bubba with them two assholes."

Sunday, June 5, 2005

Joke Of The Day : School Bag

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board but only 4 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player, the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Hillary Clinton said, "I am the wife of the former US President, a NY State Senator and a potential future president." So she took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 3rd passenger, George W. Bush, said, "I'm the President of the United States of America. I have great responsibility being the leader of a super-power nation and I am the cleverest President in American history, so America's people won't let me die." So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out of the plane.

The 4th passenger, the Pope, said to the 5th passenger, a 10 year old schoolgirl, "I am old and frail and don't have many years left, and as a Catholic! I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The girl said, "it's okay, there is a parachute left for you. America's cleverest President has taken my schoolbag."

Life's Like That : No $$$

Make sure you have enough $$$ in your wallet. What will you do and how will you react if you are having lunch with your girlfriend, suddenly you realised you only have less than RM10 in your wallet. Borrow from gf first lor. Sounds good, provided you don't get this reply " * in panic mode * I only have few ringgits ". Now both of us in *panic mode*. She look at me and I look at her. In her eyes, I can see images of her washing dishes, while me cleaning the table and sweeping the floor at the cafe (aiyahhh, those easy job let her do lor, me do the tough one lor.) In my eyes, I think she saw herself wrapping my head around her arms, just like those in WWF and punching my nose non stop.

Mind you, credit card not accepted! Ohhh ooooooooooo...
I've to excused myself, leaving her there alone (*sob sob* sorry sweety) drove to the nearest ATM machine. Came back and saw her happily chit chatting with the si thau phor. Si thau phor even treat her (free) a nice chicken soup. Woah, smart girl ahh. Thought she already started washing dishes ... hehehe.

Saturday, June 4, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Elephants Away

A furious teacher asked one of her pupils."Why are you tearing up your homework notebook and scattering the pieces around the classroom?"

"To keep the elephants away, Miss."

"There are no elephants."

"Shows how effective it is then, doesn't it?"

Life's Like That : Stroke The Silent Killer

Got an email this morning. Unsure how reliable the information is (I've pasted the information below, just incase someone's still interested to find out), but I guess it's useful to know about it. Did some google search, found out about Stroke : The Silent Killer. So I hear you say "I'm healthy. I've no sign of high blood pressure or other risks factor". Think again, click on the link above.

Excerpt from the mail received :

Now doctors say people can recognize a stroke by asking 3 simple Qs':

1. Ask the individual to smile.
2. Ask him or her to raise both arms.
3. Ask the person to speak a simple sentence.

Or ask the person to 'stick' out his/her tongue, if their tongue is NOT 'straight' but goes off to one side that is another indication of a stroke.

If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call the ambulance immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher. After discovering that a group of non-medical volunteers could identify facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems, researchers urged the general public to learn the 3 questions.

Friday, June 3, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Fresh Grads

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."

"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how."

Work Of The Day : Thumbs Up for KWSP

Kudos to KWSP Klang! Brought my mom there on 1st June. The man manning the enquiry counter is very pleasant, courteous and professional. Filled in the forms and took a number. Just a short wait, it's our turn. A girl greet us with a smiling face. Processing the forms plus answering our enquiries took less than 5 minutes . She's pleasant, courteous and professional too.

Unsure of other branches, but here, they are definately efficient. Thumbs up KWSP!
Now don't you wish to see all those government agencies has this kind of mental attitude and efficiency?

Thursday, June 2, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Goldfish

Little Tommy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "Whatcha doing, Tommy?"

"My goldfish died," replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. "And I've just buried him."

The neighbor was confused, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Tommy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your damn cat."

Life's Like That : Care for them

You! Yes you! You are much luckier than others and yet, sometimes, we still complaint a lot. Look at those poor people, sleeping on the roadside, searching for left over food, torn clothing and not forgotten, those unfortunate people with impaired vision, paralysed, and the list goes on.

Are we doing enough to help those who needed one? If we have the capacity and capability, why not help out? Read this and this short while ago and I decided to place the banner. Will that do any good - you asked? Well, can we see any improvement if we don't even get the ball rolling? I tried to relate what I'm doing here with this. I'm sure Kenny will agree with me, this is not another junk or chain mail, more ever if it's from Jeff and Mack. Well, have you done your part yet?

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

Work Of The Day : Vendor *tsk tsk tsk*

Waiting is torturous. Here I am, waiting for the vendor arrival. Two days before the meet, a mail has been sent informing the date/time/venue of the meet. A day before the meet, called to remind them. The day of the meet, early morning, rang them again. They are still late! 30 minutes late while I blog about this darn shit vendor.

Vendors Out There -> "EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED !"
Anything can happened, traffic jam, accidents, wrong turn, half way to customer place you have to pangsai, etc. So reach your customer place atleast 15 minutes before the meet!!! You won't die if you reached early. Hey! You have more time to do your pangsai business too.

Bluudy hell, coming to meet wasting my time. Searching for this and that document, left this and that at office. Should have left your ass at office too! If you don't know your product, you will waste time talking nonsense! Damn bluudy tu lan with this kind of vendors.

Joke Of The Day : Dumb

This family-a husband, a wife, and a little boy-moved. The dad decided that one day he would go to a nude beach one day and took the little boy with him. When they got back, the little boy went to his mom and said, "Mom, some of the ladies there had big boobs." The mom then said, "Well son, the bigger they are the dumber the person."

The two go to the beach again. Afterwards, the boy goes to his mom again and says, "Mom, some of the guys have big willy's." The mom says, "Same goes for them son. The bigger they are the dumber the person."

The two go to the beach one more time and the boy goes to his mother when they get back. "Mom, daddy was talking to a dumb blond and he was getting dumber by the minute."
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