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Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Jack & The Preacher

Jack was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Jack's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor handed him a pen and a piece of paper, Jack used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then suddenly died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that Jack had handed him a piece of paper before he died. He said, "You know, Jack handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Jack, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He opened the note, and read out loud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"

Monday, August 29, 2005

Life's Like That : It Is The Time

Things will never be the same again, at this date, this time.

Whatever happened - is history.

Decission has been made and agreed upon by two parties.

This is best for both, be it short term or long term.

Life's Like That : Save On Fuel

Tyre Pressures
Low tyre pressures uses more power to move a car. It will also cause the tyres to wear out prematurely, affect the vehicles adversely, and hurt the fuel economy by increasing the rolling resistance. Refer to the car manual for the proper typre pressures.

Moderate Speed
Driving smoothly, with as little sudden acceleration or braking as possible, evens out fuel use and improves the efficiency of your car's engine. The way you drive affects how often you have to fill up.

Starting Up Car
With today's cars, it is not necessary to prime the engine first by pumping the accelerator pedal repeatedly. Do not crank the engine excessively. This only wastes fuel. When starting the engine, idle it no more than 30 seconds to warm it up. An engine will warm up faster on the road. However, avoid sudden acceleration before the engine has warmed up sufficiently.

Avoid carrying any unnecessary weight in your car. The heavier your car is, the more fuel it uses.

Traffic Anticipation
A driver can reduce fuel consumption by anticipating traffic conditions ahead and adjusting the speed accordingly, and avoiding tailgating and thus unnecessary braking and acceleration.
Accelerations and decelerations waste fuel. Braking and abrupt stops can be minimized by not following too closely and slowing down gradually when approaching a red light.

Change Up
Drive in the highest possible gear - the revs should be moderate, not too high or too low. Driving at 60kph in third gear uses up to 25% more fuel than in fifth gear.

Joke Of The Day : Funnies

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Life's Like That : Ghost Everywhere

Oh my god!!! What's happening. I saw ghost everywhere!! No, serious! I was switching on my tv. NTV7 feel good channel showing chinese ghost movie. Changed station, Astro repeating channel, showing ghost movie!! In between commercial break, advertisement on soon to be released ghost movies!! What's happening ? I thought government banned horror movies ? No ?

Joke Of The Day : Rojak & The Dog

A couple, Karen & Rojak was being kept awake every night by the continuous barking of their next door neighbour's dog.

“That's it,” said Rojak one night as he jumped out of bed. “I'm going to sort this out!”

When Rojak returned, Karen asked, “What did you do?”

“I put the dog in our garden,” he replied. “Let's see how they like it!”

Life's Like That : Respect

Imagine this. You are renting a room to a young college student girl. Well, this girl, is kind of "open minded". Too bad, you are not. She goes out to college and comes back as and when she likes. Sometimes, past midnight, she will be going out with a bunch of friends to have 'teh tarik'. Saturday night? What else, party all night, only comes back when the sun about to rise. Sometimes, inviting a guy into the house, straight into the room at strange hours? Only God knows what happened in the room. Do you like what see ? What will be your next course of action ?

She can deny nothing happened in there, but people tends to think otherwise. There's a malay proverb, “masuk kandang kambing mengembik, masuk kandang lembu mengembu”. That is not your house. You cannot simply do things as you wish. The keyword is 'respect'. Although you are paying rental, that does not grant you the right to behave in such a manner. You might be a person that sounds wise, but your action proofs that you are not.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Pampered Yourself Here

Work work work ! Stressed ! Tension ! Pressure !
Well, it's time you deserved some pampering.
Look at what this professional has installed for you...

The Environment

The Package

How do you go there?

This is a community service, brought to you by

Joke Of The Day : Moths Infestation

Karen was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest- control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said Karen to her lover, "into the closet!" She bundled him in the closet naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him.

"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.

"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.

"I'm investigating a complaint about a very serious infestation of moths," the man replied.

"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards."

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Work Of The Day : PDF Tool

At last, I found a tool that helps me to convert my documents into PDF format. Presenting... *drum roll* PDF995. Free for download. This tool comes in handy when you only need the other party to read your document & prevent them from doing any modification. It's fairly simple to use PDF995. To convert your document into PDF format, select the FILE - PRINT menu. Select PDF995 (yep! just like printing a normal document). Click on OK & name your file & you are all done. Try it today.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Memory

Tina & Karen were having trouble with their memories, so they began writing things down. One day Tina said to Karen, “Would you mind getting me some ice cream?”

“No problem,” Karen said, heading to the kitchen.

“You had better write it down, or you'll forget,” Tina called after Karen.

“No, I won't,” Karen replied.

A few minutes later Karen walked back carrying a tray with eggs, coffee & orange juice. Tina sighed.

“Karen, I told you to write it down,” she said. “Now look – you've forgotten the toast.”

Work Of The Day : Zip Tool

Zip! No, I'm not talking about those zippers. This tool, called ZipGenius is even better than some other freeware, shareware or commercial zip tools available. If you want to send a huge documents / files to somebody, you might want to consider compressing or zipping those documents / files into a smaller size (while maintaining the content integrity) using ZipGenius. Time taken to attached & sent files will be reduced termendously & it won't take up so much of your hard disk space.

ZipGenius is available for free. When they say free, they mean FREE. Download it today and you would'nt want to use other zip tools.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Life's Like That : When Are They Going To Realise?

Have you tried helping someone, be it your own family, loved one or colleagues, but ended up backfired and not being appreciated. Worst of all, your intention is being misinterpreted. When you tried to help them, they thought that you are trying to bring them down. A simple example, your teenage sister went out partying, only back around four in the morning. Your primary concern - you worried that, the boys might take advantages of her or she might get involved in an unhealthy activity. It's only natural for parents or family member to think that way. On the other hand, she do not like you to control her life. She think that she can take good care of herself. She think that it's ok to have fun until early in the morning or until the sun rise. She want enjoyment! Release tension after whole week of studying! It's a wild world out there. When will she realised that the family is worried sick of her safety? Hope when she realised it, it's not too late then. Hope she won't need to hear "SEE, I told you so! But you just wouldn't listen!!"

You do not know how, what, where and when things will strike! And when it strikes, you better pray hard God is there to help you! By then, you will be telling to yourself that you are not so smart after all. It will be too late then.

Joke Of The Day : Black Lingerie

Being a caring son, Jack will visits her old age mom three times a day, rings her four times. While having lunch, Jack's wife, Karen complaint to her friend, Tina about it.

“I think I know how to get him more interested in you,” said Tina. “Buy some sexy black lingerie, black stockings & black gloves.”

Karen took her advise & stood at the bedroom doorway as Jack came home that night. He looked at her & shrieked, “Why are you dressed in black? OH NO!!!! MY MOTHER HAS DIED!!”

Monday, August 22, 2005

Life's Like That : Fell Off Bed

Have you ever wonder why you seldom fell off your bed while sleeping, no matter how you twist and turn ? While according to medical research published, even when you are asleep, your brain is aware of its surroundings to some extent. It will remembered how big your bed is and how far your body can safely turn. If you get too close to the edge, it will tell your muscle and you'll roll backwards. Your brain will often lose its bearings if you have been drinking or you are in an unfamiliar bed.

Joke Of The Day : One - Two - Three

Preparing for the most important presentation of his life, Karen went to his psychiatrist & asked for help. “I'll implant a hypnotic suggestion in your mind,” said the psychiatrist. “Just say 'one two three,' & you'll give the most brilliant presentation of your life. However, do not say 'one two three four,' because if anyone says that, you'll freeze up, loose your train of thought & make a complete fool of yourself.”

Karen was ecstatic. She tried it at work, & her colleagues replied with a standing ovation. Then came the big day. Everything was set up in the boardroom & the CEO signalled her to start. Karen whispered under her breath, “one two three.”

The CEO asked, “What did you say 'one two three' for?”

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Tricky Lawyer

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. "But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."

The jury foreman replied: "Oh, we did look, but your client didn't."

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Mental Patients

Three patients, Karen, Tina & Wingz share a room in a mental institution. One day the Karen gets up and immediately starts: "I'm Ms Universe!! I'm Ms Universe!!"

At first Tina doesn't give her much attention and does her own thing.

Karen one continues, "I'm Ms Universe!! I'm Ms Universe!!"

Tina gets a bit annoyed, but decides that she wouldn't interfere

Again, Karen continues, "I'm Ms Universe!! I'm Ms Universe!!". This carries on the entire day, and Tina is getting seriously annoyed.

"I'm Ms Universe!! I'm Ms Universe!!"

Tina asked, "Who the hell told you you're Ms Universe?"

"God did!", say Karen.

"No I didn't!", answered Wingz.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Work Of The Day : Open Office

I'm not asking you to open your office door :) I'm refferring to a software called If you have used Microsoft Office before, then there shouldn't be a problem using this cool software. Best part is, it's available for download anytime & F.O.C. They are coming up with the OpenOffice Release 2.0 soon. However, beta version of OpenOffice is available for download. I've tried the OpenOffice beta version. Very impressive & cool. You should try it, after all, you have nothing to for trying ? Who knows, you might want to recommend it to someone else too.

Joke Of The Day : Horny Wife

Rojak comes home dead tired from working a twelve-hour day and collapses in bed. He's just about to sleep when his wife, Tina, rolls over and says, "What would you do if I told you that you had a beautiful, sexy, horny woman lying next to you?" He replied. "Don't worry honey I'd stay faithful!"

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Golf Game

Tina & Karen were playing golf one sunny morning. As Karen hit the ball, they watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward Mr Rojak who is playing at the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit Mr Rojak, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground, and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. Karen rushed down to Mr Rojak and immediately began to apologize.

She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," Mr Rojak replied breathlessly & still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But Karen persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him, "How does that feel?"

To which Mr Rojak replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Life's Like That : Pi**ed Off

Imagine this, you just finished doing your business in the toilet. Washing your hand, looking straight into the mirror, redo your hair, doing minor touch up and you are all done. Heading straight to the exit, about to open the door, suddenly *bhamm*. Your hand and face got bang by the door because an as*hole had a bad day and push opened the toilet door with all the energy left in his body. He/she apologised.

Question : What will you do ?

Joke Of The Day : Sex Position

Two cowboys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first cowboy says his favourite position is the "rodeo". The other cowboy asks what the position is, and how to do it ? The first cowboy says, "You tell your wife to get on the bed and then do it doggy style. Once things start to get under way and she's really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear : "Your sister likes this position too."

Then try to hang on for 8 seconds.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Life's Like That : Malaysian Power Rangers

Want to know how does a Malaysian Power Rangers looks like? Check this out :D

Note : Only available during haze.

Joke Of The Day : I'm Cuming

Little Joe comes home from school to find his squirrel in the front garden, lying flat on it's back with it's legs in the air. When Dad comes home Joe says "Dad, why his legs sticking in the air like that?" Dad says, "Son, that's so God can reach down and lift him straight into Heaven."

A few days later, when Dad comes home from work, Joe rushes out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad! We almost lost Mum today."

"What do you mean?" asks Dad.

"Well, I got home from school early and Mum was in the bedroom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Oh godddd, I'm coming!". If it hadn't been for Uncle Tom holding her down, we'd have lost her for sure."

Life's Like That : Women & Hazardous Materials

This guy's real nuts. See how he compare Women to Hazardous Materials.

Physical Properties
1. Body surface covered with film of powder - True
2. Boils at absolutely nothing - True

Chemical Properties
1. Reacts well to gold - em emm, you can say that again :P
2. Powerful money reducing agent known to man - lol

He even got a haze song ... lol

Monday, August 15, 2005

Life's Like That : Mr RoadHog

Have you seen someone driving in the middle of two lane on a highway as if the road belongs to them ? I have the honour to meet Mr RoadHog yesterday night around 8pm. He was taking his sweet time, driving at 80kph! Don't 'huh' me ok? 80kph on a highway is darn slow. Furthermore, driving BMW at 80kph? Oh come on, for God sake, he should be flooring the pedal. Trying to be nice, I keep my distance away, in hoped that he noticed there's an incoming vehicle and he's not on his private own highway. He just don't move his butt, so I tailed him closer. Gave him a few high beam. Doesn't work! I blast my honk. Doesn't work either!! Mr RoadHog is getting onto my nerves. Ahhh, looks like he's on the phone. No hand's free kitt. Darnit! I took few deep breathe and refused to let anger takes control of me. Seing a container truck approaching fast, I quickly keep to the left lane. This truck was tailgating the BMW & blasting its horn. Panicking, Mr RoadHog swerved to left. LOL... I've never felt to satisfied before. I overtook Mr RoadHog, look at him & said "you deserved it".

Joke Of The Day : Hold It

John and Karen are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up, but then Karen stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." John says "WHAT?!!" & realise that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

The next day John takes Karen shopping at a big department store. He walks around and had her try on a very expensive outfits and then tells his wife, "We'll take it".

Next they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. Finally they go to the Jewelry Department and get diamond earrings. Karen is so excited. She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register."

John says, "No, honey we're not going to BUY all this stuff." Karen's face goes blank. "No honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Drunk Tina

Tina had few drinks & got drunk. She phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car.

"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line.

"Never mind," Tina said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

Friday, August 12, 2005

Joke Of The Day : High Tech

Mr Wingz walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers... like a telephone...but on the back of his hand. He then flips his hand over, and starts talking into the palm. The bartender walks over and tells him he doesn't need any trouble from weirdos here.

Wingz says, "You don't understand. I'm very hi- tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular."

The bartender says "PROOVE IT!", so the guy dials up a number and hands his hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a brief conversation. "That's incredible," says the bartender, "I would never have believed it!"

"Yeah," said Wingz, "I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way, where is the men's room?"

The bartender directs him to the men's room. The guy goes in, and 5, 10, 20 minutes go by, and he doesn't return. The bartender goes into the men's room. Wingz is spread- eagle against the wall. His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper shoved up his butt.

"Oh my God!" said the bartender. "Did you get robbed? Are you hurt?"

Wingz casually turns around, and calmly says: "No, I'm OK. I'm just waiting for a fax."

Life's Like That : Decision Making

Decision making sometimes is really a pain in the ass process. I learnt the word opportunity cost from my accounting course (funny how I ended up in IT instead). You can't have the best of both world. If you want this you will have to forgo that. Have you ever been in that situation? Losing something or someone dearly in your heart when making a tough decision, which you truly regretted. If I have one wish, I wish I never made that decision. You? What about you?

Update : I got my wish. God's listening.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Life's Like That : Treasure It While You Still Can

I had a short conversation with my neighbour, Mrs Z, this morning. She was complaining about her new neighbour. Every night, her neighbour and gang will play mahjung until 2 to 3 am. As if the noise of mahjung doesn't irritate her enough, neighbour and gang will curse all night. Foul languages will be flying in the air. Poor Mrs Z had sleepless nights. To make things worse, her neighbour simply throw their rubbish. The next morning, rubbish will be scattered all over to her side, no thanks to cats and dogs. Mrs Z regrets her previous neighbour moved out.

Sometimes we take things for granted. We don't really realise how important things or a person is to us until one fine day when they are lost or dissapeared from our eyes.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Life's Like That : Haze

Got this via email. Thought of putting it up for general information.


The effects of continuous exposure to the haze include :
* Itchy sensation in the throat, and coughing, increased phlegm
* Difficulty in breathing (wheeze) or nose block
* Pain, irritation, red and watery eyes
* Itchy skin rashes

If above symptoms persist, get advice and treatment at the nearest clinic.

* Usage of face and surgical masks are of no use if they are not regularly changed as they can act as a base for bacteria to grow and result in other infections. Only very close fitting masks that do not allow air to enter through the sides of the mask are effective.

* Limit all outdoor activity as far as possible e.g avoid outdoor sport or physical activities.

* Always wash / bathe as soon as you return from outdoors. This will minimize eye / skin irritation. For minor eye irritation try using over the counter eye drops.

* Use your car air-conditioner when traveling in the car.

* Drink a lot of water.

* Those who suffer from diseases such as flu, bronchitis, asthma, conjunctivitis, heart diseases or chronic lung diseases should seek immediate treatment at the clinic or hospital if their condition worsens.

Joke Of The Day : Lawyer Joke?

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter says, "Ah, you're an engineer & you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says, "So, how's it going down there?"

Satan replies, "Things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake! He should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer & I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Life's Like That : Help A Dog & Got Bitten

Have you helped a dog which is trapped? I have and I got bitten. Remember the Malay proverb "Bagai melepaskan anjing yang tersepit"?

I've assisted this branch manager from the southern region many times. When my new boss reported to work recently, this branch manager had a chance to meet him last week. We had a departmental meeting last few days, and I have been told that, the branch manager complained that I've not been extending my help when he needed one.

[Question : What will be your reaction if you are in my shoes ?]

I smiled and shaked my head. I knew boss is still new in the company and doesn't know much about the past, so it's pointless to argue. He won't know what had happened. The most important thing is the future. I hope he can see for himself who's the bad guy as time goes.

Tuesday, August 9, 2005

Life's Like That : Anatomy of ...

A neighbour (Mr & Mrs X) moved into a new house. They were both enjoying the new house pretty much. One day, they decided to install a little man made water fountain (woahh, good fung shui). Since installing the fountain, both Mr & Mrs X income has been growing steadily every month. Word spread out like wild fire.

[Question : Assuming there's very little cost involved in setting up the water fountain, will you follow Mr & Mrs X footstep?]

After 6 months, bad luck hits Mr & Mrs X. There goes all their income to the drain. Mr & Mrs X anger burst and they go around hinting their neighbour to demolished the water fountain claiming it will bring bad luck to them as well.

[Question : Will you follow suite? Will you tear down the fountain?]

I guess this anatomy can apply to what has been happening to some bloggers, lately.

Joke Of The Day : Little Boy Question

This little boy wakes up five nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom, Karen and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." Karen is taken by surprise and says, "Oh... well...ah....well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."

And the boy says,
"Well, that won't work!" Karen says, "Why?!?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"

Monday, August 8, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Puke

The little kid gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, mean-looking, hulking guy sit next to him and immediately falls asleep. The kid starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb over him, so he look at him, trying to decide what to do.

Suddenly, the plane goes through a turbulence and a nausea passes through the kid. He can't hold it in any longer and throws up all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.

"So," says the kid, "are you feeling better now?"

Sunday, August 7, 2005

Life's Like That : Copy Paste

dizzy : *wet dreaming*
dizzy : *snoooorrrrrrrr snooor snooorrr or orrrrrrr* [sounds like Boeing 747 flying in the room]

dizzy hp ring *ting dongggggg* *tingggg doonnngggg* [yeah, my hp got door bell tune, so what?]

Mr. X : oiii !!! u sleeping or farking?
dizzy : huh? who's tat?
Mr. X : u sleeping or farking MCH ?
dizzy : WHO IS TAT ??
Mr. X : I am @#$% laaa...
Mr. X : MCH, wake up, someone copy & paste ur blog laa...
dizzy : Fark u laa. WHO copy paste me?


dizzy goes online & found out, true enough, my version of joke can be found here.

*dizzy thinking... should I retaliate, thinking... may be he/she is teaching me a lesson or trying to tell me something. Arrrgghhh, let it be la. It's a free world, wanna copy paste mai copy paste lorrrr*

Saturday, August 6, 2005

Life's Like That : Frying Egg

I find this amusing and yet very true. Got this via email (yeah, another junk mail).

The wife is busy frying eggs, when her husband comes home. He walks into the kitchen and immediately starts yelling:

The wife is very upset: "What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you yelling like this? Do you think I don't know how to fry an egg?"

The husband calmly replies: "This is to show you what it feels like, when I am driving and you sit next to me..."

Joke Of The Day : Rich Man Game

This rich guy (who had money, big houses, girls, luxury cars, planes, etc) was having a party at his house. The guy was also a little eccentric, and he had filled his pool with crocodiles. He shouts out, "Ladies and gentlemen!, The first person that swims across my pool will get all my money."

No one moves. The guy looks over the crowd, and says, "OK, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money and my house."

Still no one moves. "OK then, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money, my house and all my cars and planes."

Still, no one moves, not even an eye blinks this time "OK then, all my money, my house, all my cars, all my planes, all my property, all my stocks, bonds and investments and all the girls you can handle; everything I own."

"Splash!" Someone's in the pool. Crocodiles are all over him, but he rolls over like Tarzan - he's all over the place, fighting and dodging. Finally he gets out of the pool on the other side. The rich guy runs over to him. "That was incredible! I never thought that I would ever see that done."

"Do you want the money now or later?" "I don't want the money."
"Do you want the house now or later?" "I don't want the house."
"Do you want the cars and planes now or later?" "I don't want the cars or planes."
"Do you want the bonds, stocks and stuff now or later?" "I don't want that either."
"Do you want the girls now or later?" "I don't want the girls."

The rich guy looks at him and says "Well, what the hell do you want?!?!"
"I want the f*cking b*stard that pushed me in."

Friday, August 5, 2005

Life's Like That : Taking Charge of Anger

Sometimes, we just have to be patient. I keep reminding myself, "Please Be Patient". This word will be looping in my mind. If you are patient enough, who knows, you could have saved yourself from few problems or arguements between you and your loved ones, your boss, your colleagues or even your family. If you are frustrated, anger follows and emotion starts to take control over you instead of you controlling emotion. All the screaming and cursing will begin.

With little help from past experiences, I am glad to say that I am still able to control anger, although not all the time. But I am seing more of me taking charge of anger.

I was looking for some images when I come across the below. Click on the image to enlarge it.

Joke Of The Day : Circle Flies

A policeman pulls over a motorist for speeding. While he's writing the ticket, flies keep buzzing around his head, annoying him considerably.

"Circle flies sure are bad this year, aren't they?" says the motorist.
"But I've never heard of a circle fly before. What's that?" ask the policeman.

"Well," the motorist responds, "circle flies tend to circle around a horse's rear end. That's why they call 'em circle flies."
The policeman, catching the implication, replies, "Well, that's very interesting. But it strikes me that you might be trying to call me a horse's ass".

"Oh, no sir!" responds the motorist. "No, sir, not at all. I have the utmost respect for law enforcement officers, and would never dream of implying that one of them was a horse's ass. No, sir, I'm terribly sorry if that's how it sounded."

"Admit it you mean it!!," replied the policeman.
"No sir!," the motorist continued, "but there's just no fooling those circle flies, is there?"

Wednesday, August 3, 2005

Life's Like That : Seat Belt

I noticed that, many people don't like to wear seat belt. But these people will obediently quickly put on the seat belt when ever they see a police traffic. Once the police traffic is not in sight, the seat belt will be taken off. I've seen this with my own eyes. I don't have the answer/s as to why they don't like to wear seat belt ? Are you one of them ? Or are you NOT one of them, but you know the reason/s ? Why why tell me why ? (hmmm... sounds like Anita Mui's song or was it Leslie Cheung). Don't people know why seat belts are installed in vehicles at the first place ?

Joke Of The Day : New Husband

Karen went to the police station with her neighbor, Tina, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."

Tina protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."

Karen replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

Tuesday, August 2, 2005

Life's Like That : Anal What ?????

Poor boss. She was sick for the past few days. Today, having a bad cough. Can't help but noticed the above cough syrup on her desk. It says "ANNALAX". Made my imagination go wild, thinking of "Anal" and "Lax". *slluuurrpppsss*

Joke Of The Day : Cat In Heaven

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. He meets the Lord. The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know." The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."

The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears. A few days later four mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to Heaven. Again the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answered, "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, even women with brooms. We're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" The Lord says, "Say no more," and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him in a deep sleep on the pillow. The Lord wakes the cat and asks him how was he doing. The cat replies "better than I could have ever expected. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending by are theeeeeeee best!!!"

Monday, August 1, 2005

Life's Like That : Opinion Needed

If your loved one told you that, he/she is going to accept an offer to work overseas,

1. What will be your first reaction like ?
2. What do you think of next ?
3. Will you allow him/her to go ?
4. If yes, why ? If no, why ?

* All opinion appreciated. Thank you in advance.*

Joke Of The Day : Fun Fair Ride

Rojak and his wife, Karen will go to the fun fair every year. Every year Rojak would say, "Karen, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." Karen would say, "I know Rojak, but that airplane ride is dangerous."

One year Rojak and Karen went to the fair and Rojak said, "Karen, I'm 70 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance". Karen, said the same thing as usual.

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you." Rojak and Karen agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Rojak, "Wow, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Rojak replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Karen fell out, but I will have to pay for the ride."
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