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Friday, September 30, 2005

Work Of The Day : Shitty Ideas

Life's Like That : Got Bomb

I was getting out from the car and the timing was bad. I got bombed by a bird. Eeeeewwwwwwwwwwlllll !!! Darnit! Bluudy fool you bird! If I have gun on my hand, surely you will be history, bluudy fool! I got a big stain at the back of my pink colour shirt. Luckily the atom bomb didn't land on my face or my head. For that, I'll spare your life you bluudy fool bird!

I was the laughing stock for my colleagues. They were looking at me one kind while having their delicious wan tan mee, hakka mee, chicken rice, laksa mee, char kuey teow, yee mee. Most of them advised me to buy TOTO, Magnum, Damacai. DUH!! So suey still can win meh? This is real embarrasing! No thanks to you, you bluudy bird!!!!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Work Of The Day : Scratched !

Scratch my back, I'll scratch yours! Yeah, if it's just helping a friend to scratch his/her back to get rid of the itchiness, that's OK laa... but what if your car got BADLY scratched while you are carrying out your duty or helping out a friend or relative? Who scratch? That's irrelevant. The question now is, how will you accept it? Curse as loud as you can? Regret being a 'kay po' at the first place because if you have your butt stuck at office or home, this wouldn't have happened.

Joke Of The Day : Scott & Condom

Scott, being a deaf mute, walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms. Scott has difficulty communicating with pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, Scott finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five-dollar bill next to it.

The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as Scott, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, Scott begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.

"Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Prisoners Confession

A group of prisoners are in their rehabilitation meeting. Thier task for today is to each stand up in turn speak thier name and admit to their fellow inmates what crime they committed.

The first prisoner stands and says "My name is Tim and I'm in for murder" Everyone gives him approving looks and pats on the back for admitting his wrong doing.

The next guy stands up and says "My name is Joe and I'm in for armed robbery" Again, there is a round of approving looks. This goes around the circle until it gets to the last guy.

He stands up and says "My name is Scott, but I'm not telling you what I'm in for".
The group leader says "Now, come on Scott, you have to admit it to us to make any progress. Tell us what you did."

"Ok then. I'm in for screwing dogs."
Everyone is disgusted!
Joe shout "Oh that's disgusting! How LOW can you go!?!"

"Chihuahuas", Scott replies.

Work Of The Day : Air Bag for PC

The next generation of pc will comes with air bag? LOL
Suitable for Karen.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Work Of The Day : Welcome To The Corporate World

Seen too many of such person in this company.

Joke Of The Day : Perfect Man

Joe asked Scott the other day why he never got married.

Scott replied "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said Joe. "Surely you have met at least on girl that you wanted to marry."

"Yes, there was one girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl -- the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her?" asked Joe.

Scott shrugged his shoulders and replied, "She was looking for the perfect man."

Work Of The Day : Think & Look Before You Leap

If you don't have the resources available for a project and the smart ass boss keeps barking and don't want to listen, the team will end up like below.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Life's Like That : Shiny RM1 COINS

Couldn't believe what I heard today when I used the RM1 coins to pay for the laksa mee.

Taukeh : "Sorry boss, this shiny RM1 coin cannot accept la. The other not so shiny one can".

Me : "Huh? Why?"

Taukeh : "The bank don't accept this shiny one la. According to them, lots of fraud on RM1 coin. When we exchange with the bank, they will take down our name & IC. Very troublesome"

Me : * blank, don't know what to say further *

What the heck man? First I thought I can easily finish off the RM1 coin before the deadline. Now I get this kind of crap. Is it because of this fraud BN (Bank Negara) is phasing off the RM1 coins?

Joke Of The Day : Fool Them

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Step On Duck

3 women die together and go to heaven. St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven... don't step on the ducks". So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on... very tall, tanned, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

Life's Like That : Sleeeeep

Discretion needed

5 DON'TS when sleeping.

Watches can emit a certain level of radioactivity. Though small, but if you wear your watch to bed for a long time, it might have adverse effects on your health.

Scientists in Americahave discovered those that wear bras for more than 12 hours have a higher risk of getting breast cancer. So go to bed without it.

Putting the phone beside your bed or anywhere near you is not encouraged. Though some of us will use phones as alarm clocks, but please put the phone as far as possible.
Scientists have proved that electrical items including mobile phone and television sets emit magnetic waves
when used. These waves can cause disruptions to our nervous system. Therefore if you need to put your mobile phone near you, switch it off first.


People who sleep with make up might have skin problems in the long run. Sleeping with make up will cause the skin to have difficulty in breathing and problem in perspiring. You will also need a much longer time to go into deep sleep.

You may never wake up again.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Life's Like That : Lets Hug

Anyone want to give me a hug?

Offer valid while stock last.

This offer is not extended to a lady name 'Karen'.

Life's Like That : Pee Here

OK ! You can either wash your hand or pee here.
Privilege for man only :D

Life's Like That : Dream Chaser

It's good if one has an objective in life. Call it anything, be it a dream, ambition, vision, goals, etc. A target date must be set. If not, one will find themself similar to 'dream chaser'. Chasing dream without end. Today you are working hard toward the goals. Next two years or ten years down the road, you might find yourself doing the same thing. One is not only wasting time, but cheating themself too. Worse, they might waste another persons time as well, if the poor guy or girl is waiting for her or him to achive their goals.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Work Of The Day : Stolen From Dizzy

I dislike people who simply borrow my things without returning it. I hate it when I want to use something, I can't find it anywhere. It simply dissapears. Two possibility. It could be :-

1. Someone took it. Maybe its a little harsh to say that. The correct sentence will be 'someone has STOLEN it'.

2. It has legs and is taking a tour around the world.

From today onwards, I am going to use a permanent marker to write a word on my belonging - "STOLEN FROM DIZZY".

Life's Like That : A Cat & A Dog

If a cat and a dog can be best friend, why can't we ?

Make LOVE, not ENEMY

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Life's Like That : Vision & Mission

I was having dinner with a colleague. We were talking about ambition, our own future plan and the things in life that we want to achieve. I told him I want to be like those millionaires or billionaires. Owning an empire, luxury living, big cars, etc. He asked, how am I going to achive that? I was blank for a moment. He continued,

"Those peoples are what they are now because they have two things in mind. These two things are fairly easy to say, but doing it is hard. They have big cars, expensive condos, they can afford to eat bird nest and shark fin everyday simply because they have these. VISION and MISSION. They know what they want in life. They visualise themselves in that position. With that, they draft their plan on how to achive that vision. In carrying out that mission, they encountered many obstacles, they went through the ups and down, they continue on fighting and never give up. That's how they ended up being successful today".

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Work Of The Day : Working With Dunggu

Working with 'dunggu' or person who often forget things even after being reminded several times is very frustrating, not to mention increase your blood pressure and risk bursting your blood vessel. What will you do if you lost some US dollars because of him/her? All hard earned monies gone to ashes! Gone! All gone! *sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Work Of The Day : Virus Is Everywhere

Hmm, been getting many sick virus mail lately.

Seriously, what will you do if you got a mail which contained virus from Yahoo or any other web mail provider? Do you click on the mail, see what's being written and open the attachment as told?

If you have a good anti virus installed on your pc, at least you are protected from computer viruses (like trojan horse, worm, virus). If you do not have an anti virus installed, you can get a fully functional free anti virus here. Of course there are other good anti virus out there, such as Norton, Mc Afee, Trend Micro, Sophos, etc. Having a good anti virus installed is not enough. You will also need to ensure that, the anti virus (be it AVG, Norton, Mc Afee, Trend Micro, etc) is constantly being updated with the latest pattern file or updates. It has been reported that, as many as ten computer viruses are being detected daily. That explains why you should update your anti virus software daily.

Many say that, computer viruses are created by anti virus company themselves. Sales strategy! College students who want to test their skills, develop and email the computer virus to their friends and their friends in turn email it to others. Email seems to be a great medium for computer virus to spread.

Joke Of The Day : Before Operation

While enjoying a drink with a buddy one night, this guy decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl, Karen, sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, Karen asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place. The pair jump into a taxi and go back to Karen's place. Later, the young man pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks Karen if she has one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," Karen replies. Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously. "No, silly," Karen replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then." "No, don't be silly," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demands the guy. Calmly, Karen takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies, "That's me before the operation."

Monday, September 19, 2005

Work Of The Day : Send Your Boss To Recycle Bin

Got this via e-mail. Wonder how many of us try it ?
As for me, I will name the file as "Karen" instead of "Boss".


How to start your day with positive outlook ?

1. Open a new file in your PC.

2. Name it "Boss".

3. Drag "Boss" to Recycle Bin.

4. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to send 'Boss' to the Recycle Bin ?"

5. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

6. Feel better?

Joke Of The Day : Excited Gorilla

Scott and his wife, Karen is in the zoo. They walked past the gorilla cage and Scott noticed the gorilla looking at Karen. "That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your tits," he said. "Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see what he does?"

At first Karen declined but finally persuaded by her husband, she took off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went nuts. He started jumping up and down. "Hey," the husband said, "let's really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we'll see what he does." Again she said no and again he persuaded her. This time the gorilla climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles.

With an evil smile, Scott said "Now walk closer to the cage and tell him you have a headache!"

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Life's Like That : Moon

Mom pointing her hand to the moon, showing 3 year old niece. "That's a moon! Round round yellow colour. Put your hands together and pray to the moon and wish for good health".

Mom used to tell me this when I was a little kid. Today, I'm hearing that again. Sort of bringing my memory back... me looking at the moon, I saw something, but couldn't tell for sure what's in it. "Mom, what's in the moon?". Mom will say, "dragon".

Joke Of The Day : Moral of Story

A grade school teacher gave the assignment to her class, that each student should think of a story and then a moral for that story to share with the class the next day.

Little Tina raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every weekend we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story and Tina replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."

Next little Judy offers to tell her story and she says, "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story and Judy replies, "Don't count your eggs before they're hatched."

Finally it's little Karen's turn and she says, "My uncle Joe fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a machine gun, and a case of beer. On the way down he drank all the beers. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 50 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot all of them with his machine gun. Non survived."

The teacher looks in shock at Karen and asks if there is possibly any moral to her story and Karen replies, "Don't mess with uncle Joe when he's been drinking."

Friday, September 16, 2005

Life's Like That : On Chocolate Again???

What makes chocolates so irresistable? When one consume chocolate, it stimulates the release of endorphins in the body which creates a pleasurable sensation.
What does s e x have to do with chocolate?
Those consuming chocolate regularly have better s e x life - high level of desire, arousal and satisfaction. Rubbish? Check this out (WARNING! contain grahic not suitable for children viewing)

Top 10 reasons why some say chocolate is better than s e x?
  1. You can get chocolate without trying very hard
  2. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft
  3. When you have chocolate, it doens't keep the neighbours awake
  4. You are never too young or too old for chocolate
  5. There's no need to take anything with chocolate
  6. You don't get hairs in your mouth after eating chocolate
  7. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate
  8. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind
  9. You can safely have chocolate when you are driving
  10. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to

Find out facts about chocolate, on cavities, acne, caffeine, headaches, etc.

Do you know what will happened if you let your cat or dog eat chocolate? Don't ever try it. Read this. Unsure whether a squirrel will have similar effect. Perhaps Ms. Tina can help me out .. LOL

Joke Of The Day : Cheating Hubby

In the room, Karen with very sick hubby ...

Karen : Here honey, drink this.....
Hubby : Sweetheart.....
Karen : Yes honey, I'm listening
Hubby : I... I ammmm going to die , right? Yes I know it & I'm not wrong...
Karen : Don't talk. Don't you worry Honey... Don't get tired...
Hubby : No...... waittttt... I willllll die, but .... before I die, I must confess something to you....
Karen : You don't need to confess anything. Honey.... Don't worry
Hubby : I want ...... you to know about it
Karen : Take it easy honey....
Hubby : Listen.... I have sex with your best friend, Judy & Suzy... anndd my secretary Carry..... and you should know, since we got married..... I always cheated on youuuu...
Karen : I know it honey... i know it *sob sob*. Now relax honeyyyy... and let the poison take effect.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

On Leisure : Why Bangkok

I have heard many of my friends and colleagues talked about their trips to Bangkok. On being asked whether they will visit Bangkok again if they have the chance, without hesitation, the answer is a big YES. So what's so special about Bangkok? They were talking about Chatuchak Market, Damnouen Saduak Floating Market, MBK Plaza, Siam Centre, etc and I was like, "woahhhh, may be I should go to Bangkok too". I guess most of them will be visiting the MATTA fair this coming Friday until Sunday for another trip to Bangkok. Check out this guy.

Life's Like That : Can't They Read?

OK, this is what I don't quite understand. When you tell a person, "Oh my god! Don't look to your right, sure bad luck one. Suey!". He or she will definately look at it. Duh!!!

Have you ever walked pass a pile of rubbish that has a signed clearly stated there 'Di larang membuang sampah di sini' or "Do Not Throw Rubbish Here". Yet, what do you see? Rubbish rubbish rubbish. I remembered there was once, a lady was throwing a bag of rubbish at a site which has a similar sign. As I was driving nearer to her, I horned. She got a scare of her life. If I ever see her again, I will do it again. If it's Karen, I will blast the horn louder.

In a toilet, there will be sign saying "Sila jaga kebersihan tandas" or "Hold & aim your kukubird to the right spot". Still then, we don't see the toilet clean. Why ah? Can't all these people read? Do they want to sacrifice others for their own convenience ? Why? Whyyyy?? Whyyyyyyy????

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Life's Like That : Convenient Sake?

Mr & Mrs. A goes to pasar malam. Mr A open up the boot to let his wife put her hand bag and company notebook. Too troublesome to carry so many things. Locked and armed the car. They got a shock of their life when they returned to their car. The driver seat window had been smashed. Boot wide open, alarm triggered. Hand bag and notebook gone.

They thought no one will notice the hand bag and notebook in the boot. But they failed to
realise, while they were putting it in the car, someone was eyeing them. They said, they had gone for just few minutes to grab something. Just imagine how fast these thieves work? Less than a minute I will say. What's inside the hand bag? Money, driving license, MyKad, credit cards, ATM cards, medical card, name cards, loyalty cards, family photo, etc. Imagine for the sake of convenience, now it has created much more trouble.

Joke Of The Day : What Time Is It ?

A man and his wife are on vacation in Tibet. While shopping in a small village, the wife asks her husband what time it was, and looking down at his wrist the man realized he had lost his watch. The couple finds an elderly man sitting quietly on the street with his donkey. "Excuse me," the husband says, "Could you tell us the time?" "Absolutely", replies the elderly man, and with that he reaches down and grabs the donkey's balls. "It is 3:00", the man exclaims. "Thank you" replies the wife in a surprised voice.

And the couple continues on their way. After doing some shopping , the couple return to the old man for the time. Again the elderly man grabs the donkey by the balls and says "It is now 5:00." By this time the husband is completely amazed. "Please show me how you can tell the time simply by grabbing this donkey's balls!" "Certainly," the elderly man replies motioning for the couple to come closer. "Sit here where I am," the man begins. "Now, do you see the donkey's balls?" "Of course", the husband replies. "Now reach down and take them into your hand." Hesitantly the husband does as he is instructed. "Now, slowly lift the donkey's balls", he continues. Again the husband does as he is instructed. "Now look underneath the donkeys balls, and between his two front legs." The husband does just that. "Now" the man says, "Can you see the clock on the wall of that building over there?"

Joke Of The Day : Signal man

Scott is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector decides to give Scott a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"

Scott says: "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.

"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever there," answers Scott.
"What if that's broken too?" challenges the inspector.

"Then," Scott continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"

"In that case," Scott argued, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station."
"What if that had been vandalized?"

"Oh well," said Scott, "in that case I would run into town and get my wife, Karen."
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?"

"Because she has never seen a train crashed."

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Life's Like That : Marriage & $$$

You can't get married if you don't have enough money. Seriously. Don't know about other cultures, but for chinese, oh my goodness, there's just so much to do, so much to spend, so much to invest. Everything has got to do with money, money and money! Buying new bed, furnitures and fittings (assuming moving into new house or apartment or condo), renovations, photo shooting, wedding dinner, honeymoon, air tickets, hotel, souvenirs, etc. If you don't have enough money, don't even think about getting married.

Joke Of The Day : Face Lift

Karen decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent huge sum of money and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," Karen said, feeling happy.

After that Karen went into McDonalds for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" Karen said, feeling really good.

While standing at the bus stop Karen asked an old man the same question. He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age. " There was no one around, so Karen said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47. " Stunned, Karen said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonalds."

Monday, September 12, 2005

Life's Like That : Cards Cards Cards

My wallet is thick. No, it's not full with ringgit notes, but cards. Credit cards, bank cards, breakdown service card, medical cards, identity card, loyalty cards, etc. Those cards from banks are the main culprit. Gheez, can't they form a consortium to look into ways to consolidate all this cards into one card, instead of making consumers carrying so many cards where ever they go? It will be much more convenient for us as consumer. Imagine filling up petrol with just one card, swipe at the terminal, choose which bank to charge the purchase, then fill up. Loyalty points updated. Same goes when you pay at shopping centre, just one card, swipe select the merchant bank and points updated.

Joke Of The Day : Accountants & Engineers

Two engineers and two accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the two accountants each buy tickets and watch as the two engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are two people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all two engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers buy no tickets at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the two accountants cram into a restroom and the two engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door - "Ticket please."

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Cheeky Customers

A store owner hires a young female clerk, Karen who likes to wear short skirts and thong panties to work the counter. One day a young man enters the store, eyes Karen and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread high on the shelves, he said, "I'd like some raisin bread, please," the man says politely. Karen nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, and the young man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with a magnificent view, just as he had hoped. Once she descends the ladder he muses that he really should get two more loaves as he is having company for dinner.

As Karen retrieves the second loaf of bread, another male customer notices what is going on. Thinking quickly as Karen again descends to the counter, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread. With each trip up the ladder, young Karen seems to catch the eye of yet another male customer. Pretty soon each fellow in the store is successively asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up to the top shelf. After a few trips she is tired and irritated. Finding herself yet again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the throng staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip she yells down, "Is yours raisin too?" "No," croaks the feeble old man... "But it's startin' to twitch."

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Life's Like That : Switch Off That Darn Phone

I hate it when handphone rings in a meeting, especially those with funny ringtones. Hate it even more if it that happens in a seminar or cinema. Irritating lot. This only show how disrespectful they are to people around them and even themself. The least they can do is to put it on silent mode. At least people are still able to reach them or send sms. Return call after the meet. As simple as that. Is that too difficult to do? Imagine trying to talk a person, half way conversation, you hear 50 cent singing in the meeting room. Conversation disrupted because he/she has to take the call. Hardly continued with 5 minutes discussion, Usher's ringtone playing! Darnit!

Question : How to brainwash people to follow this kind of simple phone ethic?

Joke Of The Day : Nurse

Tina was filling in at the local hospital when the head nurse advised her of the admission of a new patient, Scott, who had throat operation which prevented him from speaking. The hospital has given him a blackboard and chalk to communicate. That morning, Tina was cleaning Scott's room. Scott picked up the blackboard, wrote something, and held it out to Tina with a nice smile. "I'm a bit cold," it read. Seizing the chalk, Tina wrote, "Would you like me to shut the window?"

Scott nodded and apparently amused, wrote, "I'm not deaf!".

Friday, September 9, 2005

Life's Like That : Glad To Be Here

Guess most of us have heard of the havoc caused by Katrina, extensive and severe damaged across the Gulf Coast region of the southeastern United States, including Louisana's largest city, New Orlean on August 29.

As of Jul 25, summer floods in China have killed 567 people and forced over two million from their homes. Rivers have burst their banks and mudslides have contributed to the death toll in the south.

Jul 17, more than 110 Iraqis have been killed and 300 wounded in a three-day bombing blitz. Three car bombs rocked Baghdad. Many victims were charred beyond recognition. Some were seen burnt alive trapped in the car.

Jul 7, central London, four bombs went off killing 52 people and injured 700.

Phew! I'm glad to be in Malaysia.

Joke Of The Day : Cow Tongue & The Eggs

Tina brought her boyfriend, Scott, home for dinner with her family. As dinner progressed, several family-favourite dishes came out. Scott saw a platter piled high with cow tongue. Scott politely declined, saying he didn't want to eat anything that came out of an animal's mouth. With this comment, Tina's dad picked up another dish and blurted out, "Well, pass him the eggs!".

Thursday, September 8, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Puppy & Husband

Karen completed the frantic weekend chores and walked into the living room to find her husband reclining in his chair. He was looking bemusedly at their new puppy, who was napping.

"If I wanted to look at something lying around sleeping all day, I would have bought a cat," he complained.

Karen added "Or you could have just bought a mirror".

Life's Like That : Critics!

Critics! Critics! Critics!
Everyone one of us is a critic. No? How does Word Web defined critic?

1. A person who is professionally engaged in the analysis and interpretation of works of art.
2. Anyone who expresses a reasoned judgment of something.
3. Someone who frequently finds fault or makes harsh and unfair judgments.

We can't run away from this. We complain almost about anything in our daily lives. We complain about dirty toilets, inefficiency of public servants, lousy food, city and its people.

I know a person who complains almost about anything daily. She complains about colleagues, bosses, work, food, weather, etc. All she knows are three things - complain, complain and complain! Of course she got the right to criticise and complain but wouldn't it be nice if she can contribute some constructive ideas, suggestions or something else to make things better. Well if things are out of her hand, than I guess she has to live with it and swim with the current. It is pointless to spent time and focus on complaining things that she can't change. Nothing or no one is perfect in this world. It takes more than a person and a lot of effort to make things right. Furthermore, by complaining everyday, everytime, you are only showing people the ugly you instead of good positive image.

Wednesday, September 7, 2005

Work Of The Day : Word Web

There's no such thing in this world is free! No ? Well, you can find one free program here. It's called "Word Web". There's another version called "Word Web Pro", which of course, you need to pay in order to use it. Word Web is a functional cut-down version of Word Web Pro. It includes a comprehensive English thesaurus and dictionary. Features of this free version of Word Web include:
  • Definitions and Synonyms
  • Proper nouns
  • Related words
  • Pronunciations, etc.

Life's Like That : Half-Boiled Egg

Delicious! I love half-boiled egg. In a week, I will whack atleast three half-boiled eggs. Add a little of white pepper, spread on bread and eat it. Yummy! The most ideal way to make half-boiled eggs is when water starts boiling, put out the fire and keep the eggs for 5 - 6 minutes. It's not easy to boil eggs without loosing the shapes. Sometimes egg shells break (shells expand in boiling water) and egg whites ooze out. Tip from grandma to prevent that - add small amount of salt or a few drops of vinegar to boiling water.

Is there any risk in taking half-boiled eggs? Too bad, the answer is yes. Click here to read more about it. 'Pathogen' can be found in the yolk or egg white which causes Salmonella enteritidis illness. Got to seriously think twice before taking another half-boiled egg.

Tuesday, September 6, 2005

Life's Like That : RM1 Coins To Be Withdrawn

The RM1 coin will be withdrawn from circulation by 7th December 2005? Heard this over the radio. It's September now, so we still have 3 months time. Now what am I going to do with this hundreds of RM1 coins in my collection? Pay toll. One day toll charges cost me RM2. Sept has 30 days, Oct 31 days, Nov 30 days. Total 91 days = RM182 / 182 RM1 coins. OK, looks like no problem in finishing up the RM1 coins.

Life's Like That : A Toast!!

It's a norm to “clink” glasses when making a toast. Why?

According to Nelson and Witt, authors of “Sacred Threshold: Rituals and Readings for a Wedding With Spirit”, it's an ancient tradition used to ward off evil spirits. Alcohol is referred as spirits. The ancients believed that evil spirits might enter the body with the drink and make mischief. It is hoped that by making some noise first, they would frighten the demons away.

Joke Of The Day : Slammed Door

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman, Karen, who was not happy to see them. Karen told them that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. Karen tried again, really put her back into it & slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, Karen reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat."

Monday, September 5, 2005

Life's Like That : Diseases Caused By Smoking

Many people know smoking is bad for health. How bad is it exactly and what kind of diseases caused by smoking?

Lung, mouth, nose, throat, oesophagus, pancreas, bladder, kidney, myeloid leukaemia, etc.

Chronic bronchitis, recurrent infections in the airways, etc

Heart and Circulatory
Coronary heart disease, atherosclerosis, etc

Other disorders
Ulcers in the stomach and duodenum, defective vission, cataract, etc.

Even if you do not smoke but exposed to smoke from other people's cigarettes (secondary smoke) could cause the following :
  • Eyes, nose, throat irritation, headaches, dizziness
  • Aggravation of asthma and allergies
  • Increased risk of coronary heart disease, stroke, lung cancer, etc.
What effect it has on babies and young children ?
  • Increased acute respiratory illness in early childhood (including infections)
  • Chronic cough, phlegm and wheezing
  • Chronic middle ear effusions
  • Increased risk of sudden infant death syndrome
  • Reduced levels and growth of lung function, etc
A google search on "disease caused by smoking" generated 1,910,000 results.

Knowing what good smoking can do for you, WHY DO YOU STILL SMOKE?!

Many have tried quit smoking. Some managed to do it, some even blogged about it. Check out how Tammy do it.

Sunday, September 4, 2005

Tips Of The Day : Coffee Drinker Beware

Are you a coffee lover? How many cups of coffee you take a day? What does coffee has to do with arthritis ? Read on ....

Regular coffee drinkers may face a higher risk of arthritis, an increased possibility of heart disease and problems caused by excess caffeine. Researchers at the National Public Health Institute in Helsinki, Finland, measured the rheumatoid factor – an immune protein present in three-quarters of patients with rheumatism – in 7000 people with no clinical evidence of arthritis and analysed their coffee habits. Participants on four cups a day or more were twice as likely as occasional drinkers to test positive for arthritis. Those drinking 11 or more cups a day were almost 15 times as likely to develop a positive rheumatoid factor.

Sources : The Independent, London.

Joke Of The Day : Three Friends

Karen, Tina & Scott were at a convention together & were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken & they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

Karen said to Tina & Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Tina can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way."

At the 26th floor, Karen stopped telling jokes & Tina began to sing. At the 51st floor Tina stopped singing & Scott began to tell sad stories.

"I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!!!"

Saturday, September 3, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Parrot

An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was yellow and green and orange and purple. He had black makeup around his eyes.

The old man just stared at him. The boy said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"

The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Tips Of The Day : Alignment

What Is Wheel Alignment?
It's a process involves adjusting the wheels to certain specifications so they track in a straight line. The front wheels are more often become misaligned. Improper alignment causes poor handling, premature tread wear and reduces fuel efficiency.

Causes of Misalignment?
  • Aggressive cornering
  • Hard braking
  • Bumping a curb
  • Vibration
  • Vehicle pull to one side when driving at highway speeds, rather than maintaining a straight line.
Several factors are checked when a mechanic performs an alignment :

Camber - inward and outward tilt of the wheels. Proper adjusted camber angle keeps the outside tires flat and stable on the ground during a turn, resulted in better handling of vehicles. Improper camber angle causes tires to wear out prematurely.

Caster - angle of the vertical axis of the wheel in relation to the steering connection. Higher caster angle gives greater stability at high speeds, but at lower speed, steering may be more difficult. Like wise, lower caster angle results in more ease in steering, but vehicle may wander at higher speeds. Properly adjusted caster allows the wheels to track in a straight line and prevent shimmy.

Toe - refers to the front end of the wheel. Improper adjusted toe causes uneven and excessive wear - one side of the tread wears out more quickly than the other.

More reading can be found here.

Friday, September 2, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Drunk

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, walks up to them, and points to the guy in the middle, shouting, "YOUU!!! Your mom's the best lay in town! HIK!!!"

Everyone expect a fight, but the guy ignores him, and the drunk wanders off and up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says "I just had your mom and it was sweeeettt! hik hikkkkk" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom even let me---"

Finally the guy interrupts, "Go home, Dad----you're drunk!"

Thursday, September 1, 2005

Joke Of The Day : Cheating Wife

Jack's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river as usual. It was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife, Tina. The lights were off and he snuggled up behind her. Tina didn't even turn around.

"What a terrible weather today honey," Jack said toTina.

"Yes. And my idiot husband went fishing!"






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