Friday, September 30, 2005
I was the laughing stock for my colleagues. They were looking at me one kind while having their delicious wan tan mee, hakka mee, chicken rice, laksa mee, char kuey teow, yee mee. Most of them advised me to buy TOTO, Magnum, Damacai. DUH!! So suey still can win meh? This is real embarrasing! No thanks to you, you bluudy bird!!!!
Thursday, September 29, 2005
The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as Scott, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, Scott begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.
"Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
The first prisoner stands and says "My name is Tim and I'm in for murder" Everyone gives him approving looks and pats on the back for admitting his wrong doing.
The next guy stands up and says "My name is Joe and I'm in for armed robbery" Again, there is a round of approving looks. This goes around the circle until it gets to the last guy.
He stands up and says "My name is Scott, but I'm not telling you what I'm in for".
The group leader says "Now, come on Scott, you have to admit it to us to make any progress. Tell us what you did."
"Ok then. I'm in for screwing dogs."
Everyone is disgusted!
Joe shout "Oh that's disgusting! How LOW can you go!?!"
"Chihuahuas", Scott replies.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Scott replied "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."
"Oh, come on now," said Joe. "Surely you have met at least on girl that you wanted to marry."
"Yes, there was one girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl -- the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."
"Well, why didn't you marry her?" asked Joe.
Scott shrugged his shoulders and replied, "She was looking for the perfect man."
Monday, September 26, 2005
Taukeh : "Sorry boss, this shiny RM1 coin cannot accept la. The other not so shiny one can".
Me : "Huh? Why?"
Taukeh : "The bank don't accept this shiny one la. According to them, lots of fraud on RM1 coin. When we exchange with the bank, they will take down our name & IC. Very troublesome"
Me : * blank, don't know what to say further *
What the heck man? First I thought I can easily finish off the RM1 coin before the deadline. Now I get this kind of crap. Is it because of this fraud BN (Bank Negara) is phasing off the RM1 coins?
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on... very tall, tanned, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."
5 DON'TS when sleeping.
1) DON'T SLEEP WITH WATCH
Watches can emit a certain level of radioactivity. Though small, but if you wear your watch to bed for a long time, it might have adverse effects on your health.
2) DON'T SLEEP WITH BRA
Scientists in Americahave discovered those that wear bras for more than 12 hours have a higher risk of getting breast cancer. So go to bed without it.
3) DON'T SLEEP WITH PHONE
Putting the phone beside your bed or anywhere near you is not encouraged. Though some of us will use phones as alarm clocks, but please put the phone as far as possible. Scientists have proved that electrical items including mobile phone and television sets emit magnetic waves
when used. These waves can cause disruptions to our nervous system. Therefore if you need to put your mobile phone near you, switch it off first.
4) DON'T SLEEP WITH MAKE UP
People who sleep with make up might have skin problems in the long run. Sleeping with make up will cause the skin to have difficulty in breathing and problem in perspiring. You will also need a much longer time to go into deep sleep.
5) DON'T SLEEP WITH OTHERS' WIFE
You may never wake up again.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Friday, September 23, 2005
1. Someone took it. Maybe its a little harsh to say that. The correct sentence will be 'someone has STOLEN it'.
2. It has legs and is taking a tour around the world.
From today onwards, I am going to use a permanent marker to write a word on my belonging - "STOLEN FROM DIZZY".
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Seriously, what will you do if you got a mail which contained virus from Yahoo or any other web mail provider? Do you click on the mail, see what's being written and open the attachment as told?
If you have a good anti virus installed on your pc, at least you are protected from computer viruses (like trojan horse, worm, virus). If you do not have an anti virus installed, you can get a fully functional free anti virus here. Of course there are other good anti virus out there, such as Norton, Mc Afee, Trend Micro, Sophos, etc. Having a good anti virus installed is not enough. You will also need to ensure that, the anti virus (be it AVG, Norton, Mc Afee, Trend Micro, etc) is constantly being updated with the latest pattern file or updates. It has been reported that, as many as ten computer viruses are being detected daily. That explains why you should update your anti virus software daily.
Many say that, computer viruses are created by anti virus company themselves. Sales strategy! College students who want to test their skills, develop and email the computer virus to their friends and their friends in turn email it to others. Email seems to be a great medium for computer virus to spread.
Monday, September 19, 2005
As for me, I will name the file as "Karen" instead of "Boss".
How to start your day with positive outlook ?
1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it "Boss".
3. Drag "Boss" to Recycle Bin.
4. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to send 'Boss' to the Recycle Bin ?"
5. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....
6. Feel better?
At first Karen declined but finally persuaded by her husband, she took off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went nuts. He started jumping up and down. "Hey," the husband said, "let's really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we'll see what he does." Again she said no and again he persuaded her. This time the gorilla climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Mom used to tell me this when I was a little kid. Today, I'm hearing that again. Sort of bringing my memory back... me looking at the moon, I saw something, but couldn't tell for sure what's in it. "Mom, what's in the moon?". Mom will say, "dragon".
Little Tina raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every weekend we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story and Tina replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Next little Judy offers to tell her story and she says, "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story and Judy replies, "Don't count your eggs before they're hatched."
Finally it's little Karen's turn and she says, "My uncle Joe fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a machine gun, and a case of beer. On the way down he drank all the beers. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 50 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot all of them with his machine gun. Non survived."
The teacher looks in shock at Karen and asks if there is possibly any moral to her story and Karen replies, "Don't mess with uncle Joe when he's been drinking."
Friday, September 16, 2005
Top 10 reasons why some say chocolate is better than s e x?
- Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft
- When you have chocolate, it doens't keep the neighbours awake
- You are never too young or too old for chocolate
- There's no need to take anything with chocolate
- You don't get hairs in your mouth after eating chocolate
- The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate
- If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind
- You can safely have chocolate when you are driving
Find out facts about chocolate, on cavities, acne, caffeine, headaches, etc.
Do you know what will happened if you let your cat or dog eat chocolate? Don't ever try it. Read this. Unsure whether a squirrel will have similar effect. Perhaps Ms. Tina can help me out .. LOL
Karen : Here honey, drink this.....
Hubby : Sweetheart.....
Karen : Yes honey, I'm listening
Hubby : I... I ammmm going to die , right? Yes I know it & I'm not wrong...
Karen : Don't talk. Don't you worry Honey... Don't get tired...
Hubby : No...... waittttt... I willllll die, but .... before I die, I must confess something to you....
Karen : You don't need to confess anything. Honey.... Don't worry
Hubby : I want ...... you to know about it
Karen : Take it easy honey....
Hubby : Listen.... I have sex with your best friend, Judy & Suzy... anndd my secretary Carry..... and you should know, since we got married..... I always cheated on youuuu...
Karen : I know it honey... i know it *sob sob*. Now relax honeyyyy... and let the poison take effect.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Have you ever walked pass a pile of rubbish that has a signed clearly stated there 'Di larang membuang sampah di sini' or "Do Not Throw Rubbish Here". Yet, what do you see? Rubbish rubbish rubbish. I remembered there was once, a lady was throwing a bag of rubbish at a site which has a similar sign. As I was driving nearer to her, I horned. She got a scare of her life. If I ever see her again, I will do it again. If it's Karen, I will blast the horn louder.
In a toilet, there will be sign saying "Sila jaga kebersihan tandas" or "Hold & aim your kukubird to the right spot". Still then, we don't see the toilet clean. Why ah? Can't all these people read? Do they want to sacrifice others for their own convenience ? Why? Whyyyy?? Whyyyyyyy????
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
They thought no one will notice the hand bag and notebook in the boot. But they failed to realise, while they were putting it in the car, someone was eyeing them. They said, they had gone for just few minutes to grab something. Just imagine how fast these thieves work? Less than a minute I will say. What's inside the hand bag? Money, driving license, MyKad, credit cards, ATM cards, medical card, name cards, loyalty cards, family photo, etc. Imagine for the sake of convenience, now it has created much more trouble.
And the couple continues on their way. After doing some shopping , the couple return to the old man for the time. Again the elderly man grabs the donkey by the balls and says "It is now 5:00." By this time the husband is completely amazed. "Please show me how you can tell the time simply by grabbing this donkey's balls!" "Certainly," the elderly man replies motioning for the couple to come closer. "Sit here where I am," the man begins. "Now, do you see the donkey's balls?" "Of course", the husband replies. "Now reach down and take them into your hand." Hesitantly the husband does as he is instructed. "Now, slowly lift the donkey's balls", he continues. Again the husband does as he is instructed. "Now look underneath the donkeys balls, and between his two front legs." The husband does just that. "Now" the man says, "Can you see the clock on the wall of that building over there?"
Scott says: "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.
"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever there," answers Scott.
"What if that's broken too?" challenges the inspector.
"Then," Scott continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"
"In that case," Scott argued, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station."
"What if that had been vandalized?"
"Oh well," said Scott, "in that case I would run into town and get my wife, Karen."
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?"
"Because she has never seen a train crashed."
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
You can't get married if you don't have enough money. Seriously. Don't know about other cultures, but for chinese, oh my goodness, there's just so much to do, so much to spend, so much to invest. Everything has got to do with money, money and money! Buying new bed, furnitures and fittings (assuming moving into new house or apartment or condo), renovations, photo shooting, wedding dinner, honeymoon, air tickets, hotel, souvenirs, etc. If you don't have enough money, don't even think about getting married.
After that Karen went into McDonalds for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" Karen said, feeling really good.
While standing at the bus stop Karen asked an old man the same question. He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age. " There was no one around, so Karen said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47. " Stunned, Karen said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonalds."
Monday, September 12, 2005
Sunday, September 11, 2005
As Karen retrieves the second loaf of bread, another male customer notices what is going on. Thinking quickly as Karen again descends to the counter, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread. With each trip up the ladder, young Karen seems to catch the eye of yet another male customer. Pretty soon each fellow in the store is successively asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up to the top shelf. After a few trips she is tired and irritated. Finding herself yet again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the throng staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip she yells down, "Is yours raisin too?" "No," croaks the feeble old man... "But it's startin' to twitch."
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Question : How to brainwash people to follow this kind of simple phone ethic?
Scott nodded and apparently amused, wrote, "I'm not deaf!".
Friday, September 9, 2005
As of Jul 25, summer floods in China have killed 567 people and forced over two million from their homes. Rivers have burst their banks and mudslides have contributed to the death toll in the south.
Jul 17, more than 110 Iraqis have been killed and 300 wounded in a three-day bombing blitz. Three car bombs rocked Baghdad. Many victims were charred beyond recognition. Some were seen burnt alive trapped in the car.
Jul 7, central London, four bombs went off killing 52 people and injured 700.
Phew! I'm glad to be in Malaysia.
Thursday, September 8, 2005
"If I wanted to look at something lying around sleeping all day, I would have bought a cat," he complained.
Karen added "Or you could have just bought a mirror".
Everyone one of us is a critic. No? How does Word Web defined critic?
1. A person who is professionally engaged in the analysis and interpretation of works of art.
2. Anyone who expresses a reasoned judgment of something.
3. Someone who frequently finds fault or makes harsh and unfair judgments.
We can't run away from this. We complain almost about anything in our daily lives. We complain about dirty toilets, inefficiency of public servants, lousy food, city and its people.
I know a person who complains almost about anything daily. She complains about colleagues, bosses, work, food, weather, etc. All she knows are three things - complain, complain and complain! Of course she got the right to criticise and complain but wouldn't it be nice if she can contribute some constructive ideas, suggestions or something else to make things better. Well if things are out of her hand, than I guess she has to live with it and swim with the current. It is pointless to spent time and focus on complaining things that she can't change. Nothing or no one is perfect in this world. It takes more than a person and a lot of effort to make things right. Furthermore, by complaining everyday, everytime, you are only showing people the ugly you instead of good positive image.
Wednesday, September 7, 2005
- Definitions and Synonyms
- Proper nouns
- Related words
- Pronunciations, etc.
Is there any risk in taking half-boiled eggs? Too bad, the answer is yes. Click here to read more about it. 'Pathogen' can be found in the yolk or egg white which causes Salmonella enteritidis illness. Got to seriously think twice before taking another half-boiled egg.
Tuesday, September 6, 2005
According to Nelson and Witt, authors of “Sacred Threshold: Rituals and Readings for a Wedding With Spirit”, it's an ancient tradition used to ward off evil spirits. Alcohol is referred as spirits. The ancients believed that evil spirits might enter the body with the drink and make mischief. It is hoped that by making some noise first, they would frighten the demons away.
Monday, September 5, 2005
Lung, mouth, nose, throat, oesophagus, pancreas, bladder, kidney, myeloid leukaemia, etc.
Chronic bronchitis, recurrent infections in the airways, etc
Heart and Circulatory
Coronary heart disease, atherosclerosis, etc
Ulcers in the stomach and duodenum, defective vission, cataract, etc.
Even if you do not smoke but exposed to smoke from other people's cigarettes (secondary smoke) could cause the following :
- Eyes, nose, throat irritation, headaches, dizziness
- Aggravation of asthma and allergies
- Increased risk of coronary heart disease, stroke, lung cancer, etc.
- Increased acute respiratory illness in early childhood (including infections)
- Chronic cough, phlegm and wheezing
- Chronic middle ear effusions
- Increased risk of sudden infant death syndrome
- Reduced levels and growth of lung function, etc
Knowing what good smoking can do for you, WHY DO YOU STILL SMOKE?!
Many have tried quit smoking. Some managed to do it, some even blogged about it. Check out how Tammy do it.
Sunday, September 4, 2005
Regular coffee drinkers may face a higher risk of arthritis, an increased possibility of heart disease and problems caused by excess caffeine. Researchers at the National Public Health Institute in Helsinki, Finland, measured the rheumatoid factor – an immune protein present in three-quarters of patients with rheumatism – in 7000 people with no clinical evidence of arthritis and analysed their coffee habits. Participants on four cups a day or more were twice as likely as occasional drinkers to test positive for arthritis. Those drinking 11 or more cups a day were almost 15 times as likely to develop a positive rheumatoid factor.
Sources : The Independent, London.
Karen said to Tina & Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Tina can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way."
At the 26th floor, Karen stopped telling jokes & Tina began to sing. At the 51st floor Tina stopped singing & Scott began to tell sad stories.
"I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!!!"
Saturday, September 3, 2005
The old man just stared at him. The boy said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"
The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
It's a process involves adjusting the wheels to certain specifications so they track in a straight line. The front wheels are more often become misaligned. Improper alignment causes poor handling, premature tread wear and reduces fuel efficiency.
Causes of Misalignment?
- Aggressive cornering
- Hard braking
- Bumping a curb
- Vehicle pull to one side when driving at highway speeds, rather than maintaining a straight line.
Camber - inward and outward tilt of the wheels. Proper adjusted camber angle keeps the outside tires flat and stable on the ground during a turn, resulted in better handling of vehicles. Improper camber angle causes tires to wear out prematurely.
Caster - angle of the vertical axis of the wheel in relation to the steering connection. Higher caster angle gives greater stability at high speeds, but at lower speed, steering may be more difficult. Like wise, lower caster angle results in more ease in steering, but vehicle may wander at higher speeds. Properly adjusted caster allows the wheels to track in a straight line and prevent shimmy.
Toe - refers to the front end of the wheel. Improper adjusted toe causes uneven and excessive wear - one side of the tread wears out more quickly than the other.
More reading can be found here.
Friday, September 2, 2005
Everyone expect a fight, but the guy ignores him, and the drunk wanders off and up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says "I just had your mom and it was sweeeettt! hik hikkkkk" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom even let me---"
Finally the guy interrupts, "Go home, Dad----you're drunk!"
Thursday, September 1, 2005
"What a terrible weather today honey," Jack said toTina.
"Yes. And my idiot husband went fishing!"