Closed Till 2nd January 2006

Joke Of The Day : Little Naughty Scott

Little Scott was in school and got snowed in, so they had to sleep overnight in the school gym. In the middle of the night, he went to his teacher, Karen, and said, "I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

Karen said no so little Scott said he'll tell the principle she wasnt taking good care of him, so Karen said yes.

A couple minutes later little Scott said he was still scared, so he said "Can I stick my finger in your belly button?" Karen said no again so Scott said he would tell the principle the she wasnt taking good care of him, so Karen said ok.

He did it and the Karen yells "Hey, that wasn't my belly button." With a cheeky smile, Scott turns to her and says "Don't worry, that wasn't my finger."

Selamat Hari Raya

Joke Of The Day : Moms With Obsession

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Karen, got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go".

Happy Deepavali

Joke Of The Day : Scott & Karen

One evening, Scott drove his secretary home after she had worked late at the office and wasn't feeling well enough to drive herself. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, Karen, who gets jealous easily.

Later that night Scott and Karen were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, Scott waited until Karen was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, Scott pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when Scott noticed Karen squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"

Life's Like That : Handphone Lost

She put her handphone in her handbag, carrying with her while doing her round of shopping. How did it the handphone get lost? All she remember is, a lady with 2 kids was standing beside her and keep pushing her. They keep following her when she tried to make way for them. When she wanted to use the phone, it was gone!

Think! Can you this happen to you? Less likely, since you are aware of the thieves modus operandi.

Joke Of The Day : Baby Comes From?

Karen, a young female teenager, runs into the house and asks her mother, "Is it true what Tina just told me? Babies come out the same place that boy's thingies go in?"

"Yes," replied her mother pleased that the embarassing subject had finally come up and she didn't have to explain.

"Oh God! When I have a baby then, will it knock my teeth out?"

Work Of The Day : Korek Hidung

This game is higly recommended. Click here to play.

Life's Like That : Woman

Joke Of The Day : Genie Again ???

Scott has spent many days crossing the desert without water. He's crawling through the sands, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers a bottle. He opens it and out pops a genie.

"Well" says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes".

"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink." ***POOF*** Scott finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, kid, what's your second wish?"

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams." ***POOF*** Scott finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, Scott says, "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful women will want and need me." ***POOF*** He is turned into a tampon.

Work Of The Day : OpenOffice.org 2

Yeah! Newer version of OpenOffice.org, Version 2 is out! Go grab it here!!

So what's so great about the newer release? Why you should consider using it? Why this is much more preferred? Read all about it here. Click click!

Joke Of The Day : Robot Secretary

Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek.

"Hey, bud, how are ya?"

"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!"

"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!

"No way, how could that be?"

"Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Let me tell you how she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex, too!"

"Holy shit! You're kidding, right?"

"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her"

So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp" Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! Eeeeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"

The guy says, "Shit! Perhaps I should have told him that her ass is a pencil sharpener!"

Joke Of The Day : Pissed On Frog

Little girl, Karen, approach her Kindergarten teacher and say that she found a frog lying still on the playground.

The teacher asked, "Well, is it dead or alive?"

Karen said, "I think it's dead.

"The teacher asked, "How do you know?"

Karen said, "I pissed in its ear".

The teacher said "YOU DID WHAT?"

Karen said, "You know, I went to his ear and said,'PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead."

What The Heck Is Backlinks

Sometimes we will like to find out, who in the world out there's linking to our post. Well Blogger has introduced this feature called Backlinks that makes it easy to find out. Click here to read more about Baclinks and how to activate it.

Joke Of The Day : Coach

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old baseball players aside and asked,
"Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So, I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's bad sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb asshole' isn't it?''

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."

Life's Like That : Safe From Spreading Rumours?

Just as when you think you are safe or untraceable when spreading hoax / rumours on the Net in Malaysia, think again !!! Check out this link to read more about it.

Revised Version of Word Verification System

Even blog is not spare from being spammed. Those bastard spammers are quite resourseful and they can get their way in anywhere. Since Blogger introduced Word Verification system, I've managed to cut spam on my blog to zero. Here's how Word Verification can be turn on.

On October 20, an improved version of Word Verification system was released. With the released, a number of issues or problems from the initial launch has been resolved. Blogger has done an excellent job on this.

Joke Of The Day : Cat Food & Husband

Judy is enjoying a good game of mahjung with her girlfriends one evening, suddenly realised it's late & said "Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to really be ticked if it's not ready on time."

When she gets home, she realizes she doesn't have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up. She greets her husband and then watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband is really enjoying his dinner.

"Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day."

Needless to say, every mahjung night from then on, Judy made her husband the same dish. She told her mahjung cronies about it and they were all horrified. "You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed.

Two months later, her husband died.

The woman were sitting around the table playing mahjung when one of the cronies said, "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?"

Judy replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantel while he was licking his butt!"

Life's Like That : Suey!

It's a holiday for Selangor, Nuzul Quran. Woke up around 10am. Bath and getting ready to office. Reversing the car, realised something's wrong. Darnit! Flat tyre!!!@#$%^ Arrrrggghhh !!!! Who go poke a big fat nail there?!!

No choice, but to take out the leg pump. Need to drive quite a distance away to reach the workshop. Pumped more than hundred times, but the darn tyre still look flat dead. Should be enough till I reached the workshop. At least I minimised it from further damaged.

The mechanic poked something, looks like a rubber into the tyre. Amazingly, that fixed the hole. Looks like brand new now. Cost me RM5 !!! Darnit nail! There goes my three days roti canai and teh tarik !

Joke Of The Day : Love Line

Scott was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table. Said the mysterious old woman, Karen, "For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future."

Scott readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."

"That's true," said Scott.

"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"

"Yes," Scott shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?"

"Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters."

Joke Of The Day : Tina & Scott

Scott comes home from work and says to his wife, Tina: "Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She's got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colours of my favourite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it feels good."

The next day when they come home Tina asks, "How was your day?"

Scott says: "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it really feels good!"

The third day they meet at home after work and now Scott asks Tina, "And what happened today in your office, honey?"

Tina says, "Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss today. His d**k is two inches longer than yours. You know it's not a big deal but, hell, it feels good!"

Joke Of The Day : Karen

Karen, who is pregnant paid a visit to her obstetrician's office.

After the exam, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."

"I know, I know," doctor JOE said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."

"No, that's not it," Karen confessed. "He wants to know if I can still wash his car, clean his garage."

Life's Like That : Modern Terms

Conversation between Tina & Karen...

Life's Like That : Do Not Enter

Aiyoh, my god! Scary shit man! Not for the faint heart though.

DO NOT ENTER

Life's Like That : Get The Heck Off My Nose

Karen : Get the heck off my nose TINA!!!

Life's Like That : Be Someone Who Can Be Loved

You can't make someone love you,
All you can do is be someone who can be loved,
The rest is up to the person to realise your worth.

Life's Like That : Guess Who?

Tina : Guess who?
Karen : Errrr... meowwww??

Life's Like That : Learn

When something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means.

There's a purpose to life's events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.

Work Of The Day : Ass Icons

Ever wonder how "assicons" looks like? Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) a sore ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb ass

(_K_) Karen's ass

Life's Like That : Friendship

Life's Like That : Have Faith

"God didnt promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain,

But HE did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way"

Life's Like That : How Long Can You Wait

Waiting for public transportations. Waiting inline in the bank (giving money to bank also need to wait *sigh*). Waiting for food to arrived. Waiting at the cashier. Waiting in the toilet. Waiting inline to pray. Waiting for supplier. Waiting for boss. Waiting for customer. Waiting . . . waiting . . . waitingggggggggggggggg. I wish I have the patient to wait, but I don't.

I hate waiting.

Work Of The Day : Keep Up Or Be Replaced

Life's Like That : No Aedes No Dengue

Tiada Aedes, Tiada Denggi. Hapuskan Aedes!

Joke Of The Day : Good News Disease

Karen had gone to her student advisor, Joe for some college course problems, but seemed to be paying only half attention to his replies.

"Are you feeling OK?" Joe asked.

"Well, to be honest, I have this compulsion to have sex with every man I meet," Karen admitted. "Is there a name for my condition?"

"Why yes, there is," Joe said, as he picked her up and began carrying her to the couch.

...."It's called 'Good News'."

Joke Of The Day : ID 10 T Error

Karen was having trouble with her computer. So she called Joe, the computer guy, over to her desk. Joe solved the problem. As he was walking away, Karen asked him, "So, what was wrong?"

And he replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error."

"An ID Ten T Error? What's that?", asked Karen.

He gave her a grin... "This is a very common error faced by users. Haven't you heard of this before?"

"No," replied Karen.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

(She wrote...) I D 1 0 T

Life's Like That : Sign of Aging

Something's wrong with me this morning. Gosh! Sign of aging perhaps.

About to reached the toll booth, took out my SmartTag and placed it at the usual spot. But the darn barrier still doesn't open. No credit? Can't be, still have RM20+ as at yesterday. Back vehicles blasting their horn! Looking to the right.... OMG!! I'm at Touch n Go lane! Duhhhh me!

Life's Like That : How To Protect Yourself

OK ladies, if some smart ass trying to snatch your handbag, this is how you should protect yourself. Check out the below video.

http://www.dkbnews.com/flash/2005/movie01.swf

Have A Break, Have Some Cakes

Update : The earlier four cakes eaten by Tina & Karen. Here's repost.

Life's Like That : New RM50 Note?

How true is this? Or just a hoax?

Joke Of The Day : Toilet Story

Scott and Tim were doing their business in the gents when Scott glanced over and noticed that Tim's penis was twisted like a corkscrew. "Wow, I've never seen one like that before" Scott said.

"Like what?" Tim asked. "All twisted like a pig's tail," Scott said.

"Well, what's yours like?" Tim said. "Straight, like normal," Scott said.
"I thought mine was normal until I saw yours," Tim said.

Scott finished what he was doing and started to shakedown his birdy prior to putting it back in his pants. "What did you do that for?" Tim said.

"Shaking off the excess drops, like usual" Scott said.

"Darnit!!!," Tim said. "And all these years I've been wringing it."

Life's Like That : We Love & Miss You

Dad, you were a good dad. I remember the days, you woke up early in the morning to get ready to work. Cycled a distance away to the workplace on a busy road while it was still dark. When you were back, we have all slept. You hardly spent a good quality time together with the family. We hardly see you at home, not even weekend. Sometimes you were drunk when you got home. The whole family were uncomfortable seing you in this condition and worried if something bad will happened to you. We have advised you, but to no avail.

The dreaded day came, you felled down from a drinking session. Paralysed! Can't walk, having difficulty talking. Hospitalised for months. Mom took care of you, at your side day and night. God knows what mom have gone through during that months. Sleepless nights, mosquitoes bites, cold, unbearable smells, nurses attitudes, heart sick and much more. Every weekend, the kids will come check you out.

Dad, I am sorry. When you took your last breathe, I was not around. But we all, mom, sis, other relatives and myself knew that, God will take good care of you. We love you, although you didn't hear this personally from us. We miss you.

Work Of The Day : Shitty Ideas

Life's Like That : Got Bomb

I was getting out from the car and the timing was bad. I got bombed by a bird. Eeeeewwwwwwwwwwlllll !!! Darnit! Bluudy fool you bird! If I have gun on my hand, surely you will be history, bluudy fool! I got a big stain at the back of my pink colour shirt. Luckily the atom bomb didn't land on my face or my head. For that, I'll spare your life you bluudy fool bird!

I was the laughing stock for my colleagues. They were looking at me one kind while having their delicious wan tan mee, hakka mee, chicken rice, laksa mee, char kuey teow, yee mee. Most of them advised me to buy TOTO, Magnum, Damacai. DUH!! So suey still can win meh? This is real embarrasing! No thanks to you, you bluudy bird!!!!

Work Of The Day : Scratched !

Scratch my back, I'll scratch yours! Yeah, if it's just helping a friend to scratch his/her back to get rid of the itchiness, that's OK laa... but what if your car got BADLY scratched while you are carrying out your duty or helping out a friend or relative? Who scratch? That's irrelevant. The question now is, how will you accept it? Curse as loud as you can? Regret being a 'kay po' at the first place because if you have your butt stuck at office or home, this wouldn't have happened.

Joke Of The Day : Scott & Condom

Scott, being a deaf mute, walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms. Scott has difficulty communicating with pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, Scott finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five-dollar bill next to it.

The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as Scott, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, Scott begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.

"Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."

Joke Of The Day : Prisoners Confession

A group of prisoners are in their rehabilitation meeting. Thier task for today is to each stand up in turn speak thier name and admit to their fellow inmates what crime they committed.

The first prisoner stands and says "My name is Tim and I'm in for murder" Everyone gives him approving looks and pats on the back for admitting his wrong doing.

The next guy stands up and says "My name is Joe and I'm in for armed robbery" Again, there is a round of approving looks. This goes around the circle until it gets to the last guy.

He stands up and says "My name is Scott, but I'm not telling you what I'm in for".
The group leader says "Now, come on Scott, you have to admit it to us to make any progress. Tell us what you did."

"Ok then. I'm in for screwing dogs."
Everyone is disgusted!
Joe shout "Oh that's disgusting! How LOW can you go!?!"

"Chihuahuas", Scott replies.

Work Of The Day : Air Bag for PC

The next generation of pc will comes with air bag? LOL
Suitable for Karen.

Work Of The Day : Welcome To The Corporate World

Seen too many of such person in this company.

Joke Of The Day : Perfect Man

Joe asked Scott the other day why he never got married.

Scott replied "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said Joe. "Surely you have met at least on girl that you wanted to marry."

"Yes, there was one girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl -- the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her?" asked Joe.

Scott shrugged his shoulders and replied, "She was looking for the perfect man."

Work Of The Day : Think & Look Before You Leap

If you don't have the resources available for a project and the smart ass boss keeps barking and don't want to listen, the team will end up like below.

Life's Like That : Shiny RM1 COINS

Couldn't believe what I heard today when I used the RM1 coins to pay for the laksa mee.

Taukeh : "Sorry boss, this shiny RM1 coin cannot accept la. The other not so shiny one can".

Me : "Huh? Why?"

Taukeh : "The bank don't accept this shiny one la. According to them, lots of fraud on RM1 coin. When we exchange with the bank, they will take down our name & IC. Very troublesome"

Me : * blank, don't know what to say further *


What the heck man? First I thought I can easily finish off the RM1 coin before the deadline. Now I get this kind of crap. Is it because of this fraud BN (Bank Negara) is phasing off the RM1 coins?

Joke Of The Day : Fool Them

Joke Of The Day : Step On Duck

3 women die together and go to heaven. St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven... don't step on the ducks". So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on... very tall, tanned, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

Life's Like That : Sleeeeep

Discretion needed

5 DON'TS when sleeping.

1) DON'T SLEEP WITH WATCH
Watches can emit a certain level of radioactivity. Though small, but if you wear your watch to bed for a long time, it might have adverse effects on your health.

2) DON'T SLEEP WITH BRA
Scientists in Americahave discovered those that wear bras for more than 12 hours have a higher risk of getting breast cancer. So go to bed without it.

3) DON'T SLEEP WITH PHONE
Putting the phone beside your bed or anywhere near you is not encouraged. Though some of us will use phones as alarm clocks, but please put the phone as far as possible. Scientists have proved that electrical items including mobile phone and television sets emit magnetic waves
when used. These waves can cause disruptions to our nervous system. Therefore if you need to put your mobile phone near you, switch it off first.

4) DON'T SLEEP WITH MAKE UP
People who sleep with make up might have skin problems in the long run. Sleeping with make up will cause the skin to have difficulty in breathing and problem in perspiring. You will also need a much longer time to go into deep sleep.

5) DON'T SLEEP WITH OTHERS' WIFE
You may never wake up again.

Life's Like That : Lets Hug

Anyone want to give me a hug?

Offer valid while stock last.

This offer is not extended to a lady name 'Karen'.

Life's Like That : Pee Here

OK ! You can either wash your hand or pee here.
Privilege for man only :D

Life's Like That : Dream Chaser

It's good if one has an objective in life. Call it anything, be it a dream, ambition, vision, goals, etc. A target date must be set. If not, one will find themself similar to 'dream chaser'. Chasing dream without end. Today you are working hard toward the goals. Next two years or ten years down the road, you might find yourself doing the same thing. One is not only wasting time, but cheating themself too. Worse, they might waste another persons time as well, if the poor guy or girl is waiting for her or him to achive their goals.

Work Of The Day : Stolen From Dizzy

I dislike people who simply borrow my things without returning it. I hate it when I want to use something, I can't find it anywhere. It simply dissapears. Two possibility. It could be :-

1. Someone took it. Maybe its a little harsh to say that. The correct sentence will be 'someone has STOLEN it'.

2. It has legs and is taking a tour around the world.

From today onwards, I am going to use a permanent marker to write a word on my belonging - "STOLEN FROM DIZZY".

Life's Like That : A Cat & A Dog

If a cat and a dog can be best friend, why can't we ?

Make LOVE, not ENEMY

Life's Like That : Vision & Mission

I was having dinner with a colleague. We were talking about ambition, our own future plan and the things in life that we want to achieve. I told him I want to be like those millionaires or billionaires. Owning an empire, luxury living, big cars, etc. He asked, how am I going to achive that? I was blank for a moment. He continued,

"Those peoples are what they are now because they have two things in mind. These two things are fairly easy to say, but doing it is hard. They have big cars, expensive condos, they can afford to eat bird nest and shark fin everyday simply because they have these. VISION and MISSION. They know what they want in life. They visualise themselves in that position. With that, they draft their plan on how to achive that vision. In carrying out that mission, they encountered many obstacles, they went through the ups and down, they continue on fighting and never give up. That's how they ended up being successful today".

Work Of The Day : Working With Dunggu

Working with 'dunggu' or person who often forget things even after being reminded several times is very frustrating, not to mention increase your blood pressure and risk bursting your blood vessel. What will you do if you lost some US dollars because of him/her? All hard earned monies gone to ashes! Gone! All gone! *sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

Work Of The Day : Virus Is Everywhere

Hmm, been getting many sick virus mail lately.








Seriously, what will you do if you got a mail which contained virus from Yahoo or any other web mail provider? Do you click on the mail, see what's being written and open the attachment as told?

If you have a good anti virus installed on your pc, at least you are protected from computer viruses (like trojan horse, worm, virus). If you do not have an anti virus installed, you can get a fully functional free anti virus here. Of course there are other good anti virus out there, such as Norton, Mc Afee, Trend Micro, Sophos, etc. Having a good anti virus installed is not enough. You will also need to ensure that, the anti virus (be it AVG, Norton, Mc Afee, Trend Micro, etc) is constantly being updated with the latest pattern file or updates. It has been reported that, as many as ten computer viruses are being detected daily. That explains why you should update your anti virus software daily.

Many say that, computer viruses are created by anti virus company themselves. Sales strategy! College students who want to test their skills, develop and email the computer virus to their friends and their friends in turn email it to others. Email seems to be a great medium for computer virus to spread.

Joke Of The Day : Before Operation

While enjoying a drink with a buddy one night, this guy decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl, Karen, sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, Karen asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place. The pair jump into a taxi and go back to Karen's place. Later, the young man pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks Karen if she has one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," Karen replies. Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously. "No, silly," Karen replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then." "No, don't be silly," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demands the guy. Calmly, Karen takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies, "That's me before the operation."

Work Of The Day : Send Your Boss To Recycle Bin

Got this via e-mail. Wonder how many of us try it ?
As for me, I will name the file as "Karen" instead of "Boss".

_________________________________________

How to start your day with positive outlook ?

1. Open a new file in your PC.

2. Name it "Boss".

3. Drag "Boss" to Recycle Bin.

4. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to send 'Boss' to the Recycle Bin ?"

5. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

6. Feel better?

Joke Of The Day : Excited Gorilla

Scott and his wife, Karen is in the zoo. They walked past the gorilla cage and Scott noticed the gorilla looking at Karen. "That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your tits," he said. "Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see what he does?"

At first Karen declined but finally persuaded by her husband, she took off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went nuts. He started jumping up and down. "Hey," the husband said, "let's really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we'll see what he does." Again she said no and again he persuaded her. This time the gorilla climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles.

With an evil smile, Scott said "Now walk closer to the cage and tell him you have a headache!"

Life's Like That : Moon

Mom pointing her hand to the moon, showing 3 year old niece. "That's a moon! Round round yellow colour. Put your hands together and pray to the moon and wish for good health".

Mom used to tell me this when I was a little kid. Today, I'm hearing that again. Sort of bringing my memory back... me looking at the moon, I saw something, but couldn't tell for sure what's in it. "Mom, what's in the moon?". Mom will say, "dragon".

Joke Of The Day : Moral of Story

A grade school teacher gave the assignment to her class, that each student should think of a story and then a moral for that story to share with the class the next day.

Little Tina raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every weekend we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story and Tina replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."

Next little Judy offers to tell her story and she says, "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story and Judy replies, "Don't count your eggs before they're hatched."

Finally it's little Karen's turn and she says, "My uncle Joe fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a machine gun, and a case of beer. On the way down he drank all the beers. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 50 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot all of them with his machine gun. Non survived."

The teacher looks in shock at Karen and asks if there is possibly any moral to her story and Karen replies, "Don't mess with uncle Joe when he's been drinking."

Life's Like That : On Chocolate Again???

What makes chocolates so irresistable? When one consume chocolate, it stimulates the release of endorphins in the body which creates a pleasurable sensation.

What does s e x have to do with chocolate?

Those consuming chocolate regularly have better s e x life - high level of desire, arousal and satisfaction. Rubbish? Check this out (WARNING! contain grahic not suitable for children viewing)

Top 10 reasons why some say chocolate is better than s e x?

1. You can get chocolate without trying very hard
2. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft
3. When you have chocolate, it doens't keep the neighbours awake
4. You are never too young or too old for chocolate
5. There's no need to take anything with chocolate
6. You don't get hairs in your mouth after eating chocolate
7. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate
8. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind
9. You can safely have chocolate when you are driving
10. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to

Find out facts about chocolate, on cavities, acne, caffeine, headaches, etc.

Do you know what will happened if you let your cat or dog eat chocolate? Don't ever try it. Read this. Unsure whether a squirrel will have similar effect. Perhaps Ms. Tina can help me out .. LOL

Joke Of The Day : Cheating Hubby

In the room, Karen with very sick hubby ...

Karen : Here honey, drink this.....
Hubby : Sweetheart.....
Karen : Yes honey, I'm listening
Hubby : I... I ammmm going to die , right? Yes I know it & I'm not wrong...
Karen : Don't talk. Don't you worry Honey... Don't get tired...
Hubby : No...... waittttt... I willllll die, but .... before I die, I must confess something to you....
Karen : You don't need to confess anything. Honey.... Don't worry
Hubby : I want ...... you to know about it
Karen : Take it easy honey....
Hubby : Listen.... I have sex with your best friend, Judy & Suzy... anndd my secretary Carry..... and you should know, since we got married..... I always cheated on youuuu...
Karen : I know it honey... i know it *sob sob*. Now relax honeyyyy... and let the poison take effect.

On Leisure : Why Bangkok

I have heard many of my friends and colleagues talked about their trips to Bangkok. On being asked whether they will visit Bangkok again if they have the chance, without hesitation, the answer is a big YES. So what's so special about Bangkok? They were talking about Chatuchak Market, Damnouen Saduak Floating Market, MBK Plaza, Siam Centre, etc and I was like, "woahhhh, may be I should go to Bangkok too". I guess most of them will be visiting the MATTA fair this coming Friday until Sunday for another trip to Bangkok. Check out this guy.

Life's Like That : Can't They Read?

OK, this is what I don't quite understand. When you tell a person, "Oh my god! Don't look to your right, sure bad luck one. Suey!". He or she will definately look at it. Duh!!!

Have you ever walked pass a pile of rubbish that has a signed clearly stated there 'Di larang membuang sampah di sini' or "Do Not Throw Rubbish Here". Yet, what do you see? Rubbish rubbish rubbish. I remembered there was once, a lady was throwing a bag of rubbish at a site which has a similar sign. As I was driving nearer to her, I horned. She got a scare of her life. If I ever see her again, I will do it again. If it's Karen, I will blast the horn louder.

In a toilet, there will be sign saying "Sila jaga kebersihan tandas" or "Hold & aim your kukubird to the right spot". Still then, we don't see the toilet clean. Why ah? Can't all these people read? Do they want to sacrifice others for their own convenience ? Why? Whyyyy?? Whyyyyyyy????

Life's Like That : Convenient Sake?

Mr & Mrs. A goes to pasar malam. Mr A open up the boot to let his wife put her hand bag and company notebook. Too troublesome to carry so many things. Locked and armed the car. They got a shock of their life when they returned to their car. The driver seat window had been smashed. Boot wide open, alarm triggered. Hand bag and notebook gone.

They thought no one will notice the hand bag and notebook in the boot. But they failed to realise, while they were putting it in the car, someone was eyeing them. They said, they had gone for just few minutes to grab something. Just imagine how fast these thieves work? Less than a minute I will say. What's inside the hand bag? Money, driving license, MyKad, credit cards, ATM cards, medical card, name cards, loyalty cards, family photo, etc. Imagine for the sake of convenience, now it has created much more trouble.

Joke Of The Day : What Time Is It ?

A man and his wife are on vacation in Tibet. While shopping in a small village, the wife asks her husband what time it was, and looking down at his wrist the man realized he had lost his watch. The couple finds an elderly man sitting quietly on the street with his donkey. "Excuse me," the husband says, "Could you tell us the time?" "Absolutely", replies the elderly man, and with that he reaches down and grabs the donkey's balls. "It is 3:00", the man exclaims. "Thank you" replies the wife in a surprised voice.

And the couple continues on their way. After doing some shopping , the couple return to the old man for the time. Again the elderly man grabs the donkey by the balls and says "It is now 5:00." By this time the husband is completely amazed. "Please show me how you can tell the time simply by grabbing this donkey's balls!" "Certainly," the elderly man replies motioning for the couple to come closer. "Sit here where I am," the man begins. "Now, do you see the donkey's balls?" "Of course", the husband replies. "Now reach down and take them into your hand." Hesitantly the husband does as he is instructed. "Now, slowly lift the donkey's balls", he continues. Again the husband does as he is instructed. "Now look underneath the donkeys balls, and between his two front legs." The husband does just that. "Now" the man says, "Can you see the clock on the wall of that building over there?"

Joke Of The Day : Signal man

Scott is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector decides to give Scott a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"

Scott says: "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.

"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever there," answers Scott.
"What if that's broken too?" challenges the inspector.

"Then," Scott continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"

"In that case," Scott argued, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station."
"What if that had been vandalized?"

"Oh well," said Scott, "in that case I would run into town and get my wife, Karen."
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?"

"Because she has never seen a train crashed."

Life's Like That : Marriage & $$$

You can't get married if you don't have enough money. Seriously. Don't know about other cultures, but for chinese, oh my goodness, there's just so much to do, so much to spend, so much to invest. Everything has got to do with money, money and money! Buying new bed, furnitures and fittings (assuming moving into new house or apartment or condo), renovations, photo shooting, wedding dinner, honeymoon, air tickets, hotel, souvenirs, etc. If you don't have enough money, don't even think about getting married.

Joke Of The Day : Face Lift

Karen decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent huge sum of money and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," Karen said, feeling happy.

After that Karen went into McDonalds for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" Karen said, feeling really good.

While standing at the bus stop Karen asked an old man the same question. He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age. " There was no one around, so Karen said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47. " Stunned, Karen said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonalds."

Life's Like That : Cards Cards Cards

My wallet is thick. No, it's not full with ringgit notes, but cards. Credit cards, bank cards, breakdown service card, medical cards, identity card, loyalty cards, etc. Those cards from banks are the main culprit. Gheez, can't they form a consortium to look into ways to consolidate all this cards into one card, instead of making consumers carrying so many cards where ever they go? It will be much more convenient for us as consumer. Imagine filling up petrol with just one card, swipe at the terminal, choose which bank to charge the purchase, then fill up. Loyalty points updated. Same goes when you pay at shopping centre, just one card, swipe select the merchant bank and points updated.

Joke Of The Day : Accountants & Engineers

Two engineers and two accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the two accountants each buy tickets and watch as the two engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are two people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all two engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers buy no tickets at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the two accountants cram into a restroom and the two engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door - "Ticket please."

Joke Of The Day : Cheeky Customers

A store owner hires a young female clerk, Karen who likes to wear short skirts and thong panties to work the counter. One day a young man enters the store, eyes Karen and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread high on the shelves, he said, "I'd like some raisin bread, please," the man says politely. Karen nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, and the young man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with a magnificent view, just as he had hoped. Once she descends the ladder he muses that he really should get two more loaves as he is having company for dinner.

As Karen retrieves the second loaf of bread, another male customer notices what is going on. Thinking quickly as Karen again descends to the counter, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread. With each trip up the ladder, young Karen seems to catch the eye of yet another male customer. Pretty soon each fellow in the store is successively asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up to the top shelf. After a few trips she is tired and irritated. Finding herself yet again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the throng staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip she yells down, "Is yours raisin too?" "No," croaks the feeble old man... "But it's startin' to twitch."

Life's Like That : Switch Off That Darn Phone

I hate it when handphone rings in a meeting, especially those with funny ringtones. Hate it even more if it that happens in a seminar or cinema. Irritating lot. This only show how disrespectful they are to people around them and even themself. The least they can do is to put it on silent mode. At least people are still able to reach them or send sms. Return call after the meet. As simple as that. Is that too difficult to do? Imagine trying to talk a person, half way conversation, you hear 50 cent singing in the meeting room. Conversation disrupted because he/she has to take the call. Hardly continued with 5 minutes discussion, Usher's ringtone playing! Darnit!

Question : How to brainwash people to follow this kind of simple phone ethic?

Joke Of The Day : Nurse

Tina was filling in at the local hospital when the head nurse advised her of the admission of a new patient, Scott, who had throat operation which prevented him from speaking. The hospital has given him a blackboard and chalk to communicate. That morning, Tina was cleaning Scott's room. Scott picked up the blackboard, wrote something, and held it out to Tina with a nice smile. "I'm a bit cold," it read. Seizing the chalk, Tina wrote, "Would you like me to shut the window?"

Scott nodded and apparently amused, wrote, "I'm not deaf!".

Life's Like That : Glad To Be Here

Guess most of us have heard of the havoc caused by Katrina, extensive and severe damaged across the Gulf Coast region of the southeastern United States, including Louisana's largest city, New Orlean on August 29.

As of Jul 25, summer floods in China have killed 567 people and forced over two million from their homes. Rivers have burst their banks and mudslides have contributed to the death toll in the south.

Jul 17, more than 110 Iraqis have been killed and 300 wounded in a three-day bombing blitz. Three car bombs rocked Baghdad. Many victims were charred beyond recognition. Some were seen burnt alive trapped in the car.

Jul 7, central London, four bombs went off killing 52 people and injured 700.

Phew! I'm glad to be in Malaysia.

Joke Of The Day : Cow Tongue & The Eggs

Tina brought her boyfriend, Scott, home for dinner with her family. As dinner progressed, several family-favourite dishes came out. Scott saw a platter piled high with cow tongue. Scott politely declined, saying he didn't want to eat anything that came out of an animal's mouth. With this comment, Tina's dad picked up another dish and blurted out, "Well, pass him the eggs!".

Joke Of The Day : Puppy & Husband

Karen completed the frantic weekend chores and walked into the living room to find her husband reclining in his chair. He was looking bemusedly at their new puppy, who was napping.

"If I wanted to look at something lying around sleeping all day, I would have bought a cat," he complained.

Karen added "Or you could have just bought a mirror".

Life's Like That : Critics!

Critics! Critics! Critics!
Everyone one of us is a critic. No? How does Word Web defined critic?

1. A person who is professionally engaged in the analysis and interpretation of works of art.
2. Anyone who expresses a reasoned judgment of something.
3. Someone who frequently finds fault or makes harsh and unfair judgments.

We can't run away from this. We complain almost about anything in our daily lives. We complain about dirty toilets, inefficiency of public servants, lousy food, city and its people.

I know a person who complains almost about anything daily. She complains about colleagues, bosses, work, food, weather, etc. All she knows are three things - complain, complain and complain! Of course she got the right to criticise and complain but wouldn't it be nice if she can contribute some constructive ideas, suggestions or something else to make things better. Well if things are out of her hand, than I guess she has to live with it and swim with the current. It is pointless to spent time and focus on complaining things that she can't change. Nothing or no one is perfect in this world. It takes more than a person and a lot of effort to make things right. Furthermore, by complaining everyday, everytime, you are only showing people the ugly you instead of good positive image.

Work Of The Day : Word Web

There's no such thing in this world is free! No ? Well, you can find one free program here. It's called "Word Web". There's another version called "Word Web Pro", which of course, you need to pay in order to use it. Word Web is a functional cut-down version of Word Web Pro. It includes a comprehensive English thesaurus and dictionary. Features of this free version of Word Web include:

• Definitions and Synonyms
• Proper nouns
• Related words
• Pronunciations, etc.

Check it out here!

Life's Like That : Half-Boiled Egg

Delicious! I love half-boiled egg. In a week, I will whack atleast three half-boiled eggs. Add a little of white pepper, spread on bread and eat it. Yummy! The most ideal way to make half-boiled eggs is when water starts boiling, put out the fire and keep the eggs for 5 - 6 minutes. It's not easy to boil eggs without loosing the shapes. Sometimes egg shells break (shells expand in boiling water) and egg whites ooze out. Tip from grandma to prevent that - add small amount of salt or a few drops of vinegar to boiling water.

Is there any risk in taking half-boiled eggs? Too bad, the answer is yes. Click here to read more about it. 'Pathogen' can be found in the yolk or egg white which causes Salmonella enteritidis illness. Got to seriously think twice before taking another half-boiled egg.

Life's Like That : RM1 Coins To Be Withdrawn

The RM1 coin will be withdrawn from circulation by 7th December 2005? Heard this over the radio. It's September now, so we still have 3 months time. Now what am I going to do with this hundreds of RM1 coins in my collection? Pay toll. One day toll charges cost me RM2. Sept has 30 days, Oct 31 days, Nov 30 days. Total 91 days = RM182 / 182 RM1 coins. OK, looks like no problem in finishing up the RM1 coins.

Life's Like That : A Toast!!

It's a norm to “clink” glasses when making a toast. Why?

According to Nelson and Witt, authors of “Sacred Threshold: Rituals and Readings for a Wedding With Spirit”, it's an ancient tradition used to ward off evil spirits. Alcohol is referred as spirits. The ancients believed that evil spirits might enter the body with the drink and make mischief. It is hoped that by making some noise first, they would frighten the demons away.

Joke Of The Day : Slammed Door

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman, Karen, who was not happy to see them. Karen told them that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. Karen tried again, really put her back into it & slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, Karen reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat."

Life's Like That : Diseases Caused By Smoking

Many people know smoking is bad for health. How bad is it exactly and what kind of diseases caused by smoking?

Cancers
Lung, mouth, nose, throat, oesophagus, pancreas, bladder, kidney, myeloid leukaemia, etc.

Respiratory
Chronic bronchitis, recurrent infections in the airways, etc

Heart and Circulatory
Coronary heart disease, atherosclerosis, etc

Other disorders
Ulcers in the stomach and duodenum, defective vission, cataract, etc.

Even if you do not smoke but exposed to smoke from other people's cigarettes (secondary smoke) could cause the following :

• Eyes, nose, throat irritation, headaches, dizziness
• Aggravation of asthma and allergies
• Increased risk of coronary heart disease, stroke, lung cancer, etc.

What effect it has on babies and young children ?

• Increased acute respiratory illness in early childhood (including infections)
• Chronic cough, phlegm and wheezing
• Chronic middle ear effusions
• Increased risk of sudden infant death syndrome
• Reduced levels and growth of lung function, etc

A google search on "disease caused by smoking" generated 1,910,000 results.

Knowing what good smoking can do for you, WHY DO YOU STILL SMOKE?!

Many have tried quit smoking. Some managed to do it, some even blogged about it. Check out how Tammy do it.