Monday, October 31, 2005
Joke Of The Day : Scott & Karen
One evening, Scott drove his secretary home after she had worked late at the office and wasn't feeling well enough to drive herself. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, Karen, who gets jealous easily.
Later that night Scott and Karen were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, Scott waited until Karen was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, Scott pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when Scott noticed Karen squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"
Later that night Scott and Karen were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, Scott waited until Karen was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, Scott pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when Scott noticed Karen squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Life's Like That : Handphone Lost
She put her handphone in her handbag, carrying with her while doing her round of shopping. How did it the handphone get lost? All she remember is, a lady with 2 kids was standing beside her and keep pushing her. They keep following her when she tried to make way for them. When she wanted to use the phone, it was gone!
Think! Can you this happen to you? Less likely, since you are aware of the thieves modus operandi.
Think! Can you this happen to you? Less likely, since you are aware of the thieves modus operandi.
Joke Of The Day : Baby Comes From?
Karen, a young female teenager, runs into the house and asks her mother, "Is it true what Tina just told me? Babies come out the same place that boy's thingies go in?"
"Yes," replied her mother pleased that the embarassing subject had finally come up and she didn't have to explain.
"Oh God! When I have a baby then, will it knock my teeth out?"
"Yes," replied her mother pleased that the embarassing subject had finally come up and she didn't have to explain.
"Oh God! When I have a baby then, will it knock my teeth out?"
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Joke Of The Day : Genie Again ???
Scott has spent many days crossing the desert without water. He's crawling through the sands, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers a bottle. He opens it and out pops a genie.
"Well" says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes".
"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink." ***POOF*** Scott finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, kid, what's your second wish?"
"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams." ***POOF*** Scott finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, Scott says, "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful women will want and need me." ***POOF*** He is turned into a tampon.
"Well" says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes".
"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink." ***POOF*** Scott finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, kid, what's your second wish?"
"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams." ***POOF*** Scott finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, Scott says, "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful women will want and need me." ***POOF*** He is turned into a tampon.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Work Of The Day : OpenOffice.org 2
Yeah! Newer version of OpenOffice.org, Version 2 is out! Go grab it here!!
So what's so great about the newer release? Why you should consider using it? Why this is much more preferred? Read all about it here. Click click!
So what's so great about the newer release? Why you should consider using it? Why this is much more preferred? Read all about it here. Click click!
Joke Of The Day : Robot Secretary
Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek.
"Hey, bud, how are ya?"
"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!"
"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!
"No way, how could that be?"
"Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Let me tell you how she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex, too!"
"Holy shit! You're kidding, right?"
"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her"
So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp" Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! Eeeeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"
The guy says, "Shit! Perhaps I should have told him that her ass is a pencil sharpener!"
Monday, October 24, 2005
Joke Of The Day : Pissed On Frog
Little girl, Karen, approach her Kindergarten teacher and say that she found a frog lying still on the playground.
The teacher asked, "Well, is it dead or alive?"
Karen said, "I think it's dead.
"The teacher asked, "How do you know?"
Karen said, "I pissed in its ear".
The teacher said "YOU DID WHAT?"
Karen said, "You know, I went to his ear and said,'PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead."
The teacher asked, "Well, is it dead or alive?"
Karen said, "I think it's dead.
"The teacher asked, "How do you know?"
Karen said, "I pissed in its ear".
The teacher said "YOU DID WHAT?"
Karen said, "You know, I went to his ear and said,'PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead."
What The Heck Is Backlinks
Sometimes we will like to find out, who in the world out there's linking to our post. Well Blogger has introduced this feature called Backlinks that makes it easy to find out. Click here to read more about Baclinks and how to activate it.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Joke Of The Day : Coach
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old baseball players aside and asked,
"Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So, I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's bad sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb asshole' isn't it?''
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."
"Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So, I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's bad sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb asshole' isn't it?''
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."
Life's Like That : Safe From Spreading Rumours?
Just as when you think you are safe or untraceable when spreading hoax / rumours on the Net in Malaysia, think again !!! Check out this link to read more about it.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Revised Version of Word Verification System
Even blog is not spare from being spammed. Those bastard spammers are quite resourseful and they can get their way in anywhere. Since Blogger introduced Word Verification system, I've managed to cut spam on my blog to zero. Here's how Word Verification can be turn on.
On October 20, an improved version of Word Verification system was released. With the released, a number of issues or problems from the initial launch has been resolved. Blogger has done an excellent job on this.
On October 20, an improved version of Word Verification system was released. With the released, a number of issues or problems from the initial launch has been resolved. Blogger has done an excellent job on this.
Joke Of The Day : Cat Food & Husband
Judy is enjoying a good game of mahjung with her girlfriends one evening, suddenly realised it's late & said "Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to really be ticked if it's not ready on time."
When she gets home, she realizes she doesn't have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she
opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up. She greets her husband and then watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband is really enjoying his dinner.
"Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day."
Needless to say, every mahjung night from then on, Judy made her husband the same dish. She told her mahjung cronies about it and they were all horrified. "You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed.
Two months later, her husband died.
The woman were sitting around the table playing mahjung when one of the cronies said, "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?"
Judy replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantel while he was licking his butt!"
When she gets home, she realizes she doesn't have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she
opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up. She greets her husband and then watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband is really enjoying his dinner."Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day."
Needless to say, every mahjung night from then on, Judy made her husband the same dish. She told her mahjung cronies about it and they were all horrified. "You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed.
Two months later, her husband died.
The woman were sitting around the table playing mahjung when one of the cronies said, "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?"
Judy replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantel while he was licking his butt!"
Friday, October 21, 2005
Life's Like That : Suey!
It's a holiday for Selangor, Nuzul Quran. Woke up around 10am. Bath and getting ready to office. Reversing the car, realised something's wrong. Darnit! Flat tyre!!!@#$%^ Arrrrggghhh !!!! Who go poke a big fat nail there?!!
No choice, but to take out the leg pump. Need to drive quite a distance away to reach the workshop. Pumped more than hundred times, but the darn tyre still look flat dead. Should be enough till I reached the workshop. At least I minimised it from further damaged.
The mechanic poked something, looks like a rubber into the tyre. Amazingly, that fixed the hole. Looks like brand new now. Cost me RM5 !!! Darnit nail! There goes my three days roti canai and teh tarik !
Joke Of The Day : Love Line
Scott was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table. Said the mysterious old woman, Karen, "For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future."
Scott readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."
"That's true," said Scott.
"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"
"Yes," Scott shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?"
"Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters."
Scott readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."
"That's true," said Scott.
"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"
"Yes," Scott shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?"
"Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters."
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Joke Of The Day : Tina & Scott
Scott comes home from work and says to his wife, Tina: "Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She's got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colours of my favourite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it feels good."
The next day when they come home Tina asks, "How was your day?"
Scott says: "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it really feels good!"
The third day they meet at home after work and now Scott asks Tina, "And what happened today in your office, honey?"
Tina says, "Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss today. His d**k is two inches longer than yours. You know it's not a big deal but, hell, it feels good!"
The next day when they come home Tina asks, "How was your day?"
Scott says: "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it really feels good!"
The third day they meet at home after work and now Scott asks Tina, "And what happened today in your office, honey?"
Tina says, "Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss today. His d**k is two inches longer than yours. You know it's not a big deal but, hell, it feels good!"
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Joke Of The Day : Karen
Karen, who is pregnant paid a visit to her obstetrician's office.
After the exam, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."
"I know, I know," doctor JOE said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it," Karen confessed. "He wants to know if I can still wash his car, clean his garage."
After the exam, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."
"I know, I know," doctor JOE said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it," Karen confessed. "He wants to know if I can still wash his car, clean his garage."
Monday, October 17, 2005
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Life's Like That : Be Someone Who Can Be Loved
You can't make someone love you,
All you can do is be someone who can be loved,
The rest is up to the person to realise your worth.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved,
The rest is up to the person to realise your worth.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Life's Like That : Learn
When something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means.
There's a purpose to life's events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.
There's a purpose to life's events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.
Work Of The Day : Ass Icons
Ever wonder how "assicons" looks like? Here goes:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb ass
(_K_) Karen's ass
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb ass
(_K_) Karen's ass
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Life's Like That : Have Faith
"God didnt promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain,
But HE did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way"
But HE did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way"
Life's Like That : How Long Can You Wait
Waiting for public transportations. Waiting inline in the bank (giving money to bank also need to wait *sigh*). Waiting for food to arrived. Waiting at the cashier. Waiting in the toilet. Waiting inline to pray. Waiting for supplier. Waiting for boss. Waiting for customer. Waiting . . . waiting . . . waitingggggggggggggggg. I wish I have the patient to wait, but I don't.
I hate waiting.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Monday, October 10, 2005
Friday, October 7, 2005
Joke Of The Day : Good News Disease
Karen had gone to her student advisor, Joe for some college course problems, but seemed to be paying only half attention to his replies.
"Are you feeling OK?" Joe asked.
"Well, to be honest, I have this compulsion to have sex with every man I meet," Karen admitted. "Is there a name for my condition?"
"Why yes, there is," Joe said, as he picked her up and began carrying her to the couch.
...."It's called 'Good News'."
"Are you feeling OK?" Joe asked.
"Well, to be honest, I have this compulsion to have sex with every man I meet," Karen admitted. "Is there a name for my condition?"
"Why yes, there is," Joe said, as he picked her up and began carrying her to the couch.
...."It's called 'Good News'."
Thursday, October 6, 2005
Joke Of The Day : ID 10 T Error
Karen was having trouble with her computer. So she called Joe, the computer guy, over to her desk. Joe solved the problem. As he was walking away, Karen asked him, "So, what was wrong?"
And he replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error."
"An ID Ten T Error? What's that?", asked Karen.
He gave her a grin... "This is a very common error faced by users. Haven't you heard of this before?"
"No," replied Karen.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
(She wrote...) I D 1 0 T
And he replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error."
"An ID Ten T Error? What's that?", asked Karen.
He gave her a grin... "This is a very common error faced by users. Haven't you heard of this before?"
"No," replied Karen.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
(She wrote...) I D 1 0 T
Life's Like That : Sign of Aging
Something's wrong with me this morning. Gosh! Sign of aging perhaps.
About to reached the toll booth, took out my SmartTag and placed it at the usual spot. But the darn barrier still doesn't open. No credit? Can't be, still have RM20+ as at yesterday. Back vehicles blasting their horn! Looking to the right.... OMG!! I'm at Touch n Go lane! Duhhhh me!
About to reached the toll booth, took out my SmartTag and placed it at the usual spot. But the darn barrier still doesn't open. No credit? Can't be, still have RM20+ as at yesterday. Back vehicles blasting their horn! Looking to the right.... OMG!! I'm at Touch n Go lane! Duhhhh me!
Wednesday, October 5, 2005
Life's Like That : How To Protect Yourself
OK ladies, if some smart ass trying to snatch your handbag, this is how you should protect yourself. Check out the below video.
http://www.dkbnews.com/flash/2005/movie01.swf
http://www.dkbnews.com/flash/2005/movie01.swf
Tuesday, October 4, 2005
Monday, October 3, 2005
Joke Of The Day : Toilet Story
Scott and Tim were doing their business in the gents when Scott glanced over and noticed that Tim's penis was twisted like a corkscrew. "Wow, I've never seen one like that before" Scott said.
"Like what?" Tim asked. "All twisted like a pig's tail," Scott said.
"Well, what's yours like?" Tim said. "Straight, like normal," Scott said.
"I thought mine was normal until I saw yours," Tim said.
Scott finished what he was doing and started to shakedown his birdy prior to putting it back in his pants. "What did you do that for?" Tim said.
"Shaking off the excess drops, like usual" Scott said.
"Darnit!!!," Tim said. "And all these years I've been wringing it."
"Like what?" Tim asked. "All twisted like a pig's tail," Scott said.
"Well, what's yours like?" Tim said. "Straight, like normal," Scott said.
"I thought mine was normal until I saw yours," Tim said.
Scott finished what he was doing and started to shakedown his birdy prior to putting it back in his pants. "What did you do that for?" Tim said.
"Shaking off the excess drops, like usual" Scott said.
"Darnit!!!," Tim said. "And all these years I've been wringing it."
Sunday, October 2, 2005
Life's Like That : We Love & Miss You
Dad, you were a good dad. I remember the days, you woke up early in the morning to get ready to work. Cycled a distance away to the workplace on a busy road while it was still dark. When you were back, we have all slept. You hardly spent a good quality time together with the family. We hardly see you at home, not even weekend. Sometimes you were drunk when you got home. The whole family were uncomfortable seing you in this condition and worried if something bad will happened to you. We have advised you, but to no avail.
The dreaded day came, you felled down from a drinking session. Paralysed! Can't walk, having difficulty talking. Hospitalised for months. Mom took care of you, at your side day and night. God knows what mom have gone through during that months. Sleepless nights, mosquitoes bites, cold, unbearable smells, nurses attitudes, heart sick and much more. Every weekend, the kids will come check you out.
Dad, I am sorry. When you took your last breathe, I was not around. But we all, mom, sis, other relatives and myself knew that, God will take good care of you. We love you, although you didn't hear this personally from us. We miss you.
The dreaded day came, you felled down from a drinking session. Paralysed! Can't walk, having difficulty talking. Hospitalised for months. Mom took care of you, at your side day and night. God knows what mom have gone through during that months. Sleepless nights, mosquitoes bites, cold, unbearable smells, nurses attitudes, heart sick and much more. Every weekend, the kids will come check you out.
Dad, I am sorry. When you took your last breathe, I was not around. But we all, mom, sis, other relatives and myself knew that, God will take good care of you. We love you, although you didn't hear this personally from us. We miss you.
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