Fickle Minded

How do you deal with someone who is fickle minded ? At one time they want things to be done this way & before you know it, at a blink of an eye, they want the other way round. I have to deal with this fella at work!

A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z3 convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. 'Amazing!' he thought as he flew down the M40, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. 'I can get away from him - no problem!' thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 110mph, then 120, then 130mph.

Suddenly, he thought,'What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!' So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him. Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'

The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back.'

'Have a good day, Sir,' said the policeman.

PC Hygiene

Found this great & informative read from HP site.

-------------------------------------------------

We all know about the viruses and bugs that lurk inside our computers… but what about the pests living ON them? As people spend more and more time in front of their PCs, and as electronic devices are increasingly carried from place to place, it stands to reason that they’re going to get pretty dirty.

The main cause of dirty keyboards is employees who don’t wash their hands after using the toilet, and eating at the desk. The food crumbs left behind encourage the growth of millions of bacteria. Even simple dust can contribute to the problem, since dust traps moisture and creates an environment suitable for bacteria growth.

How much bacteria are we talking about? The British magazine Which? Computing asked a microbiologist to come to their offices and conduct swab tests of their keyboards. As it turned out, the keyboards were dirtier than the office toilet seat – and one of the keyboards was actually five times as dirty as the toilet seat. In fact, the keyboards were so bacteria-laden that they could cause symptoms of food poisoning and other illnesses.

We’re not trying to put you off your lunch – which we hope you aren’t eating at your desk, by the way – but it is important to realise just how many germs you could be exposing yourself to and how to protect yourself.

Here are some tips for keeping your PC from making you sick.

Be vigilant about handwashing

Always wash hands when returning from the bathroom, and several other times throughout the day too – especially if someone in the office is ill. According to microbiologist Dr Charles Gerba of the University of Arizona, "When someone is infected with a cold or flu bug the surfaces they touch during the day become germ transfer points because some cold and flu viruses can survive on surfaces for up to 72 hours.”


Don’t eat at your desk

Keep those sandwich crumbs out of your keyboard! Use lunchtime as an opportunity to get away from your PC for a while, and take your lunches out of the office or in a designated break room.


Use antibacterial wipes to clean your entire desk and telephone area

According to Dr Gerba’s research, a desk is capable of supporting 10 million microbes and the average office contains 20,961 microbes per square inch, while the average toilet seat contains 49 microbes per square inch. You can reduce 99 percent of the nasty things growing in your working area by regularly wiping everything down with disinfectant alcohol wipes. Clean the whole desk, the phone, and anything else you touch regularly.


Regularly clean your keyboard, mouse and monitor screen

Here’s the process you should follow when giving your PC or notebook a cleaning (which you should be doing weekly, if possible). Before you get started, be sure to turn the computer off and unplug the keyboard if you’re using a PC.

Keyboard: first, turn the keyboard upside down and gently knock the crumbs out of it. Then set it upright again and use a compressed air can, a small vacuum or small paint brush to sweep out any remaining debris. Finish by wiping with an alcohol wipe to remove bacteria. But don’t use any harsh cleaning agents, as they can remove the paint from the keys.

Monitor: whether you have a glass or LCD screen, use a lightly dampened cloth to remove dust. You can also use pre-moistened monitor wipes, available at any computer store, but don’t use any commercial glass cleaning products as these can damage the screen.

Mouse: again, take out your alcohol wipes and clean the entire surface of the mouse. You can use a damp cotton-tipped swab to clean around the ball or the optical sensor.


With just a bit of vigilance and proper PC hygiene, you can help prevent your computer from becoming a breeding ground for bacteria – and stay healthier at work!

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch thegame before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: Thisis actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstoodby men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders whyshe is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you aboutnothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding howand when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you'rewelcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless shesays 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking youat all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F***YOU!

(9) Don't worry, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Genius

A standard 1 teacher, Ms Smith was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, 'Boy, what is your problem?'

Boy Answered, 'I'm too smart for std 1. My sister is in std 3 and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in std3 too!'

Ms Smith had enough. She took Boy to the principal's office.

While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation
was. The principal told Ms Smith he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of
his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3x3?'

Boy: '9'.

Principal: 'What is 6x6?'

Boy: '36'.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Smith and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the third-grade.' Ms Smith says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him?' The principal and Boy both agree.

Ms Smith asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Boy: after a moment 'Legs.'

Ms Smith: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

Boy: 'Pockets.'

Ms Smith: 'What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, and delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?'

Boy: 'Coconut'

Ms Smith: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy: 'Bubblegum'

Ms Smith: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer....

Boy: 'Shake hands'

Ms Smith: Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?

Boy: Yep.

Ms Smith: 'You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. '

Boy: 'Tent'

Ms Smith: 'A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. '

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy: 'Wedding Ring '

Ms Smith: 'I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.'

Boy: 'Nose'

Ms Smith: 'I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. '

Boy: 'Arrow'

Ms Smith: 'What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?'

Boy: 'Firetruck '

Ms Smith: 'What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it u have to use ur hand. '

Boy: 'Fork '

Ms Smith: 'What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married? '

Boy: 'SURNAME '

Ms Smith: 'What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love? '

Boy: 'HEART. '

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, 'Send this Boy to University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'

Mini with 2 flat tires

Boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his zipper was down.

His secretary walked up to him and asked, "Boss this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?" This was not a phrase that Her Boss understood, so he went into his Office looking a bit puzzled.


When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his Zipper was not zipped up. He zipped up and remembering what his Secretary had told him, finally understood. He then intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary. When he reached her desk, He said, "When you saw the garage door open did you see my jaguar parked In there?"

The secretary smiled for a moment and said, "No, Boss I didn't. All I saw was a Mini with 2 flat tires."

Elvis in action

Guess who ? hehehe... Elvis sliding on the floor & doing his stuff. Check out the hair, the blue spec & the blue suede shoes !!! Cool ! It all happened on the 2nd night of the trip. Each dept will have to compete with each other with their own performances to win 1st price of RM3000, 2nd price of RM2000 & 3rd price of RM1000. 

On the day before the performance start, I was practising in the hotel room, sliding on the parquet floor. I hurt my knee so bad. The pain were at its worst on the 3rd day. I can bearly walk properly. Anyway, my team won the 2nd price. Worth the pain!

Staff Trip to Redang Island

The staff trip to Redang Island was fun & enjoyable one. The organising team has lined up lots of activity for us. Glad they pick Laguna Redang as the spot as there are just so many things which everyone can do there.

On the first day itself, after some motivational talk, we head to the sandy beach for 'Amazing Race' style of game. Teams will have to pick up their clues at each of the pit stop. The first was to form 2 lines facing each other. First person on the line will have to throw egg to the next person in the opposite row, until it reaches to the last person & collect exactly 9 eggs uncrack! I was throwing the egg to the warehouse guy & omg, he cracked the eggs, about 3 of them.

Next, team will have to eat & drink these :

I have to eat the bitter cucumber, so called 'yellow river'. Omg! Yucky!!! The warehouse guy again this time, almost vomit drinking & chewing the black lemon. Eventually, my team leader, the poor lady have to help him by chewing the lemon which he vomitted out! Eeeeeeeewwwwl...

Next is canoeing. Someone has to canoe far away to the sea & grab the sponges which were tied to the net. That someone is no other than me. It was a horrific moment for me as I do not know how to swim. The moment I sat on the canoe, questions start appearing in my mind. What is the canoe captised? What is I drown? What's going to happen to me ? Who will save me ? Will I be saved on time & still alive ? What are they going to tell my mom ? What's going to happen to my mom ? How will my darling react to this bad news ? But lucky for me, I managed to overcome the fear, keep my cool & keep paddling. It looks simple to canoe, but in actual fact, it's darn hard, especially if you get a partner who sits at the back & do not know how to navigate. I have a very hard time paddling to the right direction, no thanks to my partner.

Then with the sponges we collected, we have to run to the beach, soak the sponges & fill two 1.5L bottles. Running up & down, especially after hard time canoeing was darn tough!

At dinner time, there were more games. The group with 1st, 2nd & 3rd place, got lots of free tupperware products. My group ? 4th place! Darnit!