Joke Of The Day : Oh Sh*t !

Three guys were walking in the desert when the came across a canyon that they couldnt cross. They thought they would never get around it when all of a sudden a genie pops out of nowhere. He says "you look like decent men, I turn you into whatever you want to get across this canyon. All you have to do is jump off and yell what you want to be."

The men think about it for a while and they say ok. The first guy jumps off and says "eagle" and he turns into an eagle and flies to the other side.

The next guy jumps off and says "butterfly" and he turns into a butterfly and flies to the other side.

The last guy is really scared of heights and he tells the guys he can't do it he's scared, but the guys convince him. So he shakingly walks up to the edge of the canyon and jumps of and screams "OHHHH SH*T!"

Life's Like That : Procrastination

OK, I admit it. I'm one of those sucker who like to procrastinate! Yesterday, I planned to reached office early in the morning to do housekeeping work.

5:30am, the alarm rang! Damn! There goes my wet dream. Snooze it. Continue my sweet dream.

5:45am, alarm screaming! OK, still early, I can still reach office on time and still have time for the housekeeping work.

6:00am, alarm!!! Switched off the alarm. Ok ok, I will sleep for a little while more.

8:30am, "Zhiu Kan Tham Buoy Bohhhhh!!" Neighbour radio blasting loud! WTF!!!! I'm *ucking late to work!!! Shower and hit the road. Traffic jam, that's great. Ah pek driving at 60Kph on the right lane, but the sign read "110Kph". Keep up the good work ah pek, "slow and steady, later kena hantam road bully".

9:45am, reached office. Boss : "You are late!". Me : "Sorry boss, clinic a lot of people la".

Life's Like That : Goreng Pisang

Emmm, yummy! Crispy and delicious right? Well, think twice when you feel like having one.
I was walking out from a restaurant and still feeling hungry. Ahhhh, found a goreng pisang stall on the road side not far away. This lady was transferring the fried pisang from the pan to another container. Few of the goreng pisang fell to the ground!! After looking left and right realising no one is looking, she gave the goreng pisang a few blow and put it together with the rest. I was shocked and immediately turn away. Lost my appetite!

Joke Of The Day : Genie

A guy's walking along the beach in Malibu, finds a bottle, and picks it up. A genie pops out and says, "Thanks for letting me out. For your kindness, I will grant you one wish."

The guy says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't because I'm too afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick from claustrophobia. So my wish is for you to build a road from here to Hawaii."

The genie says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved... think of the huge pilings we'd need to hold up the highway, and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. And think of all the cement that would be needed. Plus, since it's such a long span, there would have to be gas stations and rest stops along the way. No, that is just too much to ask."

The guy says, "Well, there is one other thing I've always wanted. I'd like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why they're so temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with... you know, what makes them tick?"

The genie thinks a second, and says, "Would that road be two lanes or four?"

Joke Of The Day : Trainee

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"

No" replied the trainee. "It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"

The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"

"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.

"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.

Life's Like That : Addiction

Sign of me addicted to blog :-
a. Darn frustrated when blog site was downed for upgrading work. What the *uck!!!

b. Cursing non stop when click on 'Publish' button but returns with error message. Kan nin neh!!!

c. Skipped lunch to read other peoples blog. No food nevermind, as long as got blog to read!!!

d. Tell my girlfriend I'm in the middle of doing something extremely important and I will call her back. In actual fact, I'm blogging (hope she doesn't read this :p ) If you are reading this sweetheart, I love you so much. You are the sweetest gal in the universe. I love you one and only.

e. Cursing TM Net for the slow Internet connection. Takes ages to download a blog site. My 56K modem must be busy mating with TM Net CEO!!!

f. Log on the Net to read other peoples blog before going to bed, everyday. My mom's comment "Oii... everyday online till 3am, Internet free one izzit? No need to pay ah?"

g. Email and IM (Yahoo, MSN, ICQ, Skype) everyone in my contact list of my blog site. Hey! Remember this ah, http://2xdizzy.blogspot.com. I repeat, it's http://2xdizzy.blogspot.com
OK once again, http://2xdizzy.blogspot.com You didn't get that arh? OK it's http://2xdizzy.blogspot.com Oh for god sake, it's http://2xdizzy.blogspot.com

h. One day didn't post or read blog, but it feels like a week la.

Anyone got any other signs of addiction ah?

On Leisure : Gas Chamber

I was eating at IKEA with my girlfriend, can't help noticing something. Nope! Of course not pretty girls la. My girlfriend will poke me in the eyes! We were sitting right infront of a chamber. She called it "smoking room", I called it "gas chamber". Men, women, boys and girls were inside inhaling oxygen... err, wait, sorry, it's "smoke". I was wondering whether they realised, their lungs are slowly but surely deteriorating. If they realised, how come there's no stop to this? Does anyone out there successfully quit smoking? If yes, how?

Joke Of The Day : Digging

Two privates stationed at a fort were handed shovels and told to bury a large, dead animal. While digging they got into an argument about what they were burying.

"This here's a big mule!"

"This ain't no mule, this here's a donkey."

"Mule!"

"Donkey!"

Well, this went on for a while until the camp chaplain came by. "What are you boys doing?"

"We're diggin' a grave for this mule."

"Donkey!"

The chaplain cut in, "Boys, this isn't either one, it's an ass."

An hour later, the camp commander came up and said, "What are you men doing, digging a foxhole?"

"No sir. We're diggin' an asshole."