Joke Of The Day : Sex Lives

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives.

Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does."

Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."

Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?"

Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." "Why the postman?" asked Joanne. "Because, he always delivers late and half the time it's in the wrong box."

Life's Like That : Be Positive

Imagine this... Monday morning, Ms. A comes to work with a scowl face. Throw her keys on the table. Irritated with the piles of work, mumbling and start complaining to her neighbour. Everything doesn't seems to be right for her the whole morning. A poor young man even got scolded for no apparent reason. We heard him said "Naaaaaaa" without showing his middle finger. On being asked, he said "NA = Negative Attitude".

On the other hand, Ms. B, comes in with a happy cheering face. Greeting anyone who bump into her. Seing Ms. B, makes me feel good too. Sort like a reflection.

This is all about attitude. Is it that difficult to change our attitude? How do we manage this change after 20,30 or 40 years we have been used to it? What is required? Persistent determination? Strong discipline?

Read one book (can't remember the title), points out the differences of "Positive and Negative Attitude".

The person with negative attitude dwells on problems.
The person with positive attitude concerntrates on solutions.

The person with negative attitude finds fault with others.
The person with positive attitude looks for the good in others.

The person with the negative attitude focuses on what's missing.
The person with the positive attitude counts his or her blessings.

The person with the negative attitude sees limitations.
The person with the positive attitude sees posibilities.

Now don't you think "Change in Attitude" is good, provided we are changing for good course? Whether we are happy or not, depends very much on our attitude in life. If we are positive, we will be happy. But if we are negative, we are not only feel miserable but we also make those around us feels the blues too.

Joke Of The Day : Monks

Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude model danced before them. Each monk had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the monks until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground.

Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell and then, all the other bells started to ring..........

Joke Of The Day : Milk Man

This women goes into labor. They rush to the hospital. When they are there, the doctor comes in and tells the husband about the new invention they have. He says, "This machine right here makes it easier for the women to have a kid. You strap this to your wrist and the father of the child will feel the pain. Want to give it a try?"

"Sure, why not."

So they strap it to his wrist.

"We are going to turn it up to 30% to begin with."

So they do and the guy feels nothing so they turn it up to 50%. He still can't feel anything so they turn it up to 75%. The guy still feels nothing so they turn it all the way up. The lady has the kid.

"Man, I didn't feel a thing," said the guy.

"Ya, me either." Said the wife.

Later that day the wife and husband go home. When they get home, they find the milk man dead on the back porch.

Life's Like That : Worst Ever Accident

Remember the worst ever accident you had?

Still remember very clearly, 3 years back, it was National Day. I was driving back home from work. Yup! I'm a hard working employee. Got awarded for best employee of the year. OK ok, I exaggerated that one. About to reach the cross junction, the traffic light turned green. Turned right without braking. Out of no where, this Kancil was beating the red light speeding right towards me. We had head on collision. The impact was so great that my head knocked on the steering wheel. For a moment there, everything turned blur. I felt giddy. Regained my consciousness after a while. Glad I'm still breathing, hands and legs are fine. No bleeding, another miracle. Just bruise on the head and abdomen pain. My poor Wira. Gone case -> head lights, signal , radiator, air cond & radiator fans, front skirting, bumper, body, etc. Amazingly, in less than 10 minutes, 3 tow truck operators are already at the scene approaching me and the other party. The most frustrating part, were told to claim under own insurance after lodging a report. There goes my 55% NCB.

Settled the thing and gone back home. Made me think how lucky I am that day. Thank god it's that Kancil. What if it's a heavy vehicle?

Perhaps, there is a reason.
Perhaps, it's not my time yet.
Perhaps, I've still got alot I've yet to accomplished or not done yet.
Perhaps...

Joke Of The Day : Two Assholes

Bubba died in a fire and was burned pretty bad. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were called for. Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl looked and said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought that was rather strange and he was pretty sure of the body's identity. Gomer was then brought in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer looked down and said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew about it, too. Every time we went to town, folks would say, "Here comes Bubba with them two assholes."

Joke Of The Day : School Bag

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board but only 4 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player, the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Hillary Clinton said, "I am the wife of the former US President, a NY State Senator and a potential future president." So she took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 3rd passenger, George W. Bush, said, "I'm the President of the United States of America. I have great responsibility being the leader of a super-power nation and I am the cleverest President in American history, so America's people won't let me die." So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out of the plane.

The 4th passenger, the Pope, said to the 5th passenger, a 10 year old schoolgirl, "I am old and frail and don't have many years left, and as a Catholic! I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The girl said, "it's okay, there is a parachute left for you. America's cleverest President has taken my schoolbag."

Life's Like That : No $$$

Make sure you have enough $$$ in your wallet. What will you do and how will you react if you are having lunch with your girlfriend, suddenly you realised you only have less than RM10 in your wallet. Borrow from gf first lor. Sounds good, provided you don't get this reply " * in panic mode * I only have few ringgits ". Now both of us in *panic mode*. She look at me and I look at her. In her eyes, I can see images of her washing dishes, while me cleaning the table and sweeping the floor at the cafe (aiyahhh, those easy job let her do lor, me do the tough one lor.) In my eyes, I think she saw herself wrapping my head around her arms, just like those in WWF and punching my nose non stop.

Mind you, credit card not accepted! Ohhh ooooooooooo...
I've to excused myself, leaving her there alone (*sob sob* sorry sweety) drove to the nearest ATM machine. Came back and saw her happily chit chatting with the si thau phor. Si thau phor even treat her (free) a nice chicken soup. Woah, smart girl ahh. Thought she already started washing dishes ... hehehe.